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Daniel Muir

on 14 June 2013

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Transcript of Conflict

What is conflict?
'This is all well and good, but what do these terms actually mean?'
We all know what conflict is. It's what makes an
y decent story interesting, right? I mean, nobody is going to care about a story where nothing happens, no lessons are learned, nothing is resolved and - what's that? Oh... my mistake... apparently this isn't the kind of conflict we are going to discuss today.

We are going to discuss the type of conflict that most sane people would rather have nothing to do with: confli
L>:';Lct in the workplace.
in the workplace
Conflict Styles
The Art of Negotiation
What is Negotiation?


1. Discussion aimed at reaching an agreement.

2. The action or process of negotiating.
What is
ollisions of ideas
pposition to set goals
egotiation breakdowns
riction between team members
ack of Communication
ncompatibility with deadlines or standards
ontroversial objectives or strategies
hreatening Behavior
Rick thinks that Denise wears too much perfume and blames her for his headaches and poor work performance. Denise insists that she doesn't wear very much perfume and that Rick is always hungover because he gets drunk at the local strip club every night and sleeps in his car.
Donald has been bragging about how much more money he makes than other people and how he's better than everyone else even though he has stupid hair.
(also, douchebag alert)
Marvin is upset because somebody keeps stealing his lunch out of the fridge in the employee break room even though he clearly wrote his name on it. He later vowed to find the culprit and "stab their goddamn thieving eyes out."
Susan hasn't been speaking professionally on the the telephone or relaying important messages, so her boss missed a very important meeting with his mistress.
(also, infidelity alert)
(also, psycho alert)
(also, juicy rumor alert)
Doug refuses to work with James because they share differing political opinions (also, James totally banged Doug's wife at the company picnic last year, but he probably doesn't know so surely that has nothing to do with it).
(also, slutty wife alert)
Match the Conflict Style
Emotional Aspects of
We are all human. Humans emote.
Topics Under the Emotional Umbrella
Sociological Theories of Human Emotion
5 Theories to Define Emotions
Dramaturgical Theory
Symbolic Interaction
Interaction Ritual
Power and Status
i. Dramaturgical

ii. Symbolic

iii. Interaction Ritual

iv. Power and Status

v. Exchange
i. We are actors and the world is our stage.

ii. The demonstration of a specific emotion to fit a social norms or misdirect their true emotion

What emotion do you want to the world to see?

iii. When the role being played is accepted or endorsed one feels positive emotion. When the role being played is rejected one feels negative emotions.

iv. Practice makes better
i. Satisfaction in Identity provides the base for emotions

ii. When accepted one feels Pride, Self-Confidence, Satisfaction

iii. When rejected one feels negative emotion

Internal projections produce Shame and Self-Loathing

External projections produce Blaming and Divergence from the social group
i. Shared experiences determining group emotions

A special handshake or an office meeting

ii. The larger and more intense the experience the more emotional weight it will hold.

Positive group experience strengthen bonds between members, create collective positivity, and encourage shared goals.

Group inequality creates tension

a. Influence and Reward lead to extended satisfaction

b. Conversely, a diminished role leads to resentment, distrust, and negative emotion
i. Levels of Power and Status guide emotional experiences

ii. Power and Status Boosts

A gain in Power and Status develop Self-Confidence and Pride

a. Even maintaining when expecting a loss

iii. Power and Status Loss

A loss in Power and Status develops Anxiety and Shame

a. Maintaining when expecting a gain will also have this effect

iv. Comparative Power and Status

Reward going to another can inspire jealousy

Reward coming your way when not justified can create guilt

The Giver’s Role
(I couldn't find any pictures that properly represented accommodating...)
What causes
in the workplace?
Conflicting resources
Conflicting styles
Conflicting perceptions
Conflicting goals
Conflicting pressures
Conflicting roles
Different personal values
Unpredictable policies
i. Theories on Human Emotion

ii. Managing Emotions

iii. Understanding Emotion in the Workplace

iv. Manage Relational Conflict
i. An exchange between two parties generates emotion

Costs and Rewards in the Exchange

Equity in Exchange

4 Types of Exchange

a. Productive

b. Negotiated

c. Reciprocal

d. Generalized
Managing Emotions
Do I seem emotional to you?
Select a time and place to hash it out
i. Everybody has emotions






ii. Emotional Management

Your thoughts affect your emotions

a. Thought relates to emotion

b. Control your internal thoughts to control your emotion

You’re responsible for your own emotional well being

a. Can’t control the initial reaction

b. Can control how we move on.

c. Don’t let your emotion stop you from solving conflict
i. Why is this important?

Remove yourself from immediate emotional conflict

a. You can’t control your initial reaction

b. Create a new space for new emotions

Time for reflection

Location that comfortable for both parties

a. The previous meeting was negative so start anew

b. Make sure you can feel safe, and so can they

Mutual agreement

Monitor Emotional Temperature
Avoid personal attacks, name calling, profanity, and gunny sacking
Personal Assessment
1. Personal attacks won’t solve anything

a. Remember your goal

i. Was it to have a conflict?

ii. You want to resolve the situation

2. Profanity won’t solve anything

a. Remember to be professional

b. Use your words

c. English is very description, Four letter works are not

3. Gunny sacking…

a. What is gunny sacking?

i. Eating your emotions

b. Don’t hold it in. Voice your concerns
1. Read your vitals

a. Heart rate

b. Breathing

c. Other senses (heat, sensitivity to light or touch, etc.)

2. Gauge your emotions

a. Are you mad, sad, or afraid?

b. What exactly set you off?

i. Be specific

3. What are those around you feeling?

a. Ask them!

i. Don’t be afraid. It will help

ii. Find out their side

b. Read their body language

i. What are they telling you physically?

ii. How is that applicable to the conflict
Task & Relational
Emotion plays into
in both work tasks and experience with coworkers
Separation to promote positive outcomes
Separating Task and Relational
i. Individual Preferences (Predisposition)

ii. Stimulus Environment (Physical or Social Context)

iii. Organizational Factors (Expression Norms)
i. Separation of Task and Relational Conflict allows Task conflict to be discussed without personal conflicts, and personal conflicts don’t have an effect on work.
i. Collective Emotional Intelligence

1. Unity and collective success

2. Strategies

a. Attention Deployment

b. Reappraisal

c. Suppression

ii. Intragroup Relational Ties

1. Strong Ties promote shared goals and successes

2. Weak Ties creates lack between group members to communicate only supeficially.

iii. Norming

1. Normalizing conflict makes the negative energy generated during conflict a part of the creative process.

2. Less Discomfort
How do we manage relational
at work?
Perceive the Possible
Determine what is worth sacrificing for
What do we want to get out of a
What are we willing to part ways with in order to move forward successfully?
i. What are our outcomes?

1. You get what you want?

2. You don’t get what you want

3. You get part of what you want

ii. What are the determinants of outcomes?

1. How does the situation and participants yield different determinants of outcomes?

a. What’s the situation?

2. Which outcomes are effective at managing conflict and which are damaging
i. What are the essentials?

1. Define what’s important to you

2. What do you absolutely need to be successful?
1. Might seem obvious but it’s not

a. There are many different kinds of people

b. Different people mean different needs

2. Do you want to be right?

3. Do you want a material thing?

4. Do you want to be acknowledged?
1. Rank your wants against your needs

2. Find what’s not important

3. What can happen when no one is willing to sacrifice?

a. Anger.

b. Resentment

c. Future conflicts
Know when to avoid confrontation
i. how to identify relational confrontation

1. What types of confrontation should you be looking for?

2. What does the confrontation mean to your situation?

ii. Confrontational assessment

1. What’s at stake?

2. What are the odds?

3. Final evaluation.
Emotions play a key role in
wherever it takes place
a. Emotional Theories

b. Managing Emotion

c. Task v. Relational Conflict

d. Managing Relational Conflict
Who is a Negotiator?
Types of Negotiation
Distributive Negotiation
Integrative Negotiation
Basic Elements of Negotiation
1. Issues
2. Goals
3. Interests
4. Priorities
Negotiation Styles
1. Accommodating 2. Avoiding
3. Collaborating
4. Competing
5. Compromising
Negotiation Tactics
Auction – bidding process
Brinksmanship/Highball/Lowball – extreme terms
Bogey – pretend something trivial is important
Chicken – bluff the opponent
Flinch – strong negative reaction
The Nibble – sneak in additional terms
Snow Job – overwhelm opponents with information
Good Cop/Bad Cop – you’ve seen it plenty of times before
Everyone Experiences
Conflict is a part of life
Deal with it
Positive Outcome of
Not All
is Negative
Positive Outcome of
The Constitution & the Bill of Rights
Landing on the Moon
The eradication of Smallpox and other deadly diseases
The Civil Rights Movement
Positive Outcome of
Positive Outcome of
Positive Outcome of
How will you deal with it?
Full transcript