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Seven Deadly Sins of Writing

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Charissa Zeko

on 20 September 2018

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Transcript of Seven Deadly Sins of Writing

You are not allowed to be part of the response if you are not part of the prompt!
One character that I think that did change is Kyle. I believe Kyle changed because....
5.Word Vomit
cut the fat
What are the only three words needed?
Stop avoiding the inevitable
There seems to be a boy who wants...
A boy wants...
There are many reasons why Kyle wants to participate in the project.

Kyle want to participate....
7. Sentence Boredom
vary sentence beginnings
vary sentence length
vary sentence structure
6. Verbose Vernacular
3. Lack of Agreement

pronoun/ antecedent

subject / verb
2. Run-Ons/Fragments
Grammar/ Mechanics Malfunction (Show Word Crimes)
dangling misplaced
In the novel God of Beer written by Garrett Keiser high school students...
Kyle said that god would come to town as beer during his social studies class
Lady Macbeth told Macbeth if he should be king then they must murder him.
Macbeth notified Lady Macbeth that Duncan was coming to congratulate him for his great honor.
"...without my stir".
Macbeth hungry for power slays Banquo and Donaldbane.
In the novel "God of Beer" By: Garret Keizer. It happens to be during a high school called Willoughby Union High in the small city of Ira country where it happens to be during class many students and friends come up with one idea that changes everything an idea to make young teenagers make better ideas and choices.
In God of Beer by Garret Keizer, is about a team that is involved ina civil disobedience of beer, they try to lower the age on the drinking And also try to make it clear that people can drink, also have to ahve a driver. One characters named is Quake Oats he can be describe as a dynamic character.
The book I read was "God of Beer" by Garret Keizer. the book was mainly about 3 highschool seniors, their names were Kyle, Diana, and Christopher (or Quake). One day the teacher asked how God had to come as to get our attention.
He picked Kyle to answer the question so he answered "beer."
Here's what it looks like in a student's writing:

I like to visit the college gymnasium regularly for exercise, there is a weight room there with lots of equipment. For example, Stairmaster machines, weights, a rowing machine, and exercise mats. I do some warm-up routines, next I start on the Stairmaster. Which is a fine way to get a good cardiovascular workout.

In Garret Keizer’s, God of Beer, a school project turned social protest goes awry and the fatal car crash that ends the life of the beloved athlete, Diana LaValley.
Looking through the eyes of Kyle Nelson, we watch the events that lead from a romance with his dream girl and the "Beer Rebellion" to the stages of grief and outcome of the social front.
At Jennifer's party, one which David said he'd been invited to but Kyle said," he couldn't believe Jennifer had invited David, who isn't always acceptable even at some of the redneck parties (p.22)."
As a human being, we are ill from flaws and emotions but rather than using them from malevolence, one can use them to make a stand such as David Logan or guide anger into a noble deed and escape from vice.
I think that the character...
In Love Orange, the doll embodies her internal feelings.
The student lost their notebook
Melt the butter and the chocolate and let it cool.
Indefinite Pronouns

Plural: Both Few Many Several
Singular: Too many to memorize
It Depends: (SAMMAN) Some All More Most Any None

Memorize Plural and It Depends Lists. All others by default are singular.
Pronouns must agree in number
Some of the fire burned itself out.

Some of the workers took their breaks.
The importance of reading
books to young children are
it develops...
Cross out prepositional phrases when trying to find the subject of the sentence:
Tons of confetti fell from the sky.
One of my friends is/are going.
Singular subjects joined by or or nor take a singular verb, plural subjects joined by or nor take a plural verb
Neither our phone nor our doorbell work(s).
When a singular subject and a plural subject are joined choose the verb based on the nearer subject:
Neither the potatoes nor the roast is done.
Neither the roast nor the potatoes are done
must agree in number
In both Popul Vuh and Genesis there are similar and totally different decisions by the gods. The reasons in both of the books were very similar and different in their own way.
The role of knowledge in Genesis was God's decision was to expel Adam and Eve.
First of all, in the Book of Eden the role of knowledge was they craved it which led to their explosion, "A tree desired to make one wise, she took the fruit.:
Written sentences should sound like the natural speech, but they can't be natural speech.
because natural speech is disorganized and repetitive and careless- we make up for that with gestures, tone and facial expressions - when all this is removed, we only have the rhythm of speech left to mimic in our writing.
basic sentence
Sentence Pattern
strung along sentence
periodic sentence
combination of two
basic: cannot remove one word without destroying or damaging the meaning.
Bells rang
all sentences are a basic sentence:

some are also strung along, periodic,
or a combination of both
Bells rang
filling the air with their clangor, startling pigeons in their flight
strung along: basic sentence plus details added at the beginning or the end.
Periodic: details are added inside the basic statement
Love is blind
as everyone knows except those who happen to be afflicted with it
is blind
secret weapon: delay- holding off point until the end of the sentence
use periodic sentences sparingly

John was angry

usually the calmest of men

suddenly, violently
so angry that he lost control
expand the subject
expand the verb
expand the rest of the sentence (important nouns)
make strung along (min 20 words)

The moon rose.
The man was dead.
They had a good time.
make periodic (min 15 words)

Mary left the room.
The circus was his life.
The man was dead.

take two sentences from each exercise and make each into a combination sentence
1. Period goes inside quotation marks
"...without [his] stir."
Use a comma to offset appositives (non essential words, phrases, clauses)
Macbeth, hungry for power, slays...
3. Use a comma to prevent confusion
In the novel, God of Beer,
written by Garrett Keiser,
high school students
4. use a comma to separate a series of items
The constitution establishes
freedom of speech liberty and equality.
The constitution established freedom of speech, liberty, and equality.
5. use a colon for a list
I’m going to get the following: a carne asada burrito, rice, a root beer drink…
6. use apostrophe
for letters/words missing
it's= it is
o'clock= of the clock

Cindy's car

Small letters/ numbers that would be confusing without apostrophe
I earned four as= I earned four a's
Misplaced/ Dangling Modifiers
Misplaced: words positioned in sentence that modify the wrong thing.
He poked the little girl with his finger in the eye.
Dangling: words modify subjects and verbs that are not present in the sentence.
Raised in Nova Scotia, it is natural to miss the sea.
2. Change phrases into single words
Using phrases to convey meaning that could be presented in a single word contributes to wordiness. Convert phrases into single words when possible.
It is imperative that we find a solution.
We need a solution
The employee with ambition
The ambitious employee
vary sentence beginnings
1. Put an adverb before the subject:
Beth inched her way
, Beth inched her way.
2. Put the
direct object
before the subject:
I can recall
certain songs
without difficulty.
Certain songs
I can recall without difficulty.
The torrents of rain
the torrents of rain.
3. Begin the sentence with a prepositional phrase:
I waited alone
for ten minutes
For ten minutes
, I waited alone.
You try:
We tried not to shake as we walked onto the stage.
The clock finally struck ten.
Nothing will happen unless I make the first move.
vary sentence length
this will happen naturally when you use basic, periodic, and strung along
stands alone
who/what of predicate
verb acting like a verb
no chaperone
step 1: find the

step 2: find the
subject ("who" or "what"of the predicate)

step 3: check for any
words that leave you hanging
when, if, since, after
*If you have a
(a word that leaves you
hanging, you do not have a sentence.)
If you do not have a
, you have a

If you have two
with no punctuation or combined by a comma, you have a run-on/comma- splice.

. -VS-


S________ F
F________ S
F________ F
S________ S
After reading the paper, the telephone rang.
A woman passed by, leading a springer spaniel in a long black dress.
Test Pauses:

Our neighbor’s cocker spaniel barked
all night long as a result I did not sleep well.

Seven Deadly Sins of Writing
1. Egocentricity
2. Run-Ons/Fragments
3. Lack of Agreement
4. Grammar/Mechanics Malfunction
5. Word Vomit
6. Verbose Vernacular
7. Sentence Boredom
1. Egocentricity
Not Green
Test Pauses
3. Lack of Agreement
4. Grammar/Mechanics Malfunction
5. Word Vomit
6. Verbose Vernacular
7. Sentence Boredom
...and, please, do not
speak to the reader:
"You wouldn't like it if
your house burned down."
so [that implied], so that
when, whenever
where, wherever, whereas

even though
if, even if
in order that
provided that

Everyone scrambled off the lakeside patio.
When the 10-foot alligator lumbered onto shore.

Everyone scrambled off the lakeside patio.
When the 10-foot alligator lumbered onto shore.

A. patio when
B. patio; when
C. patio, when
D. No change is necessary.

While reading the book yesterday evening after dinner.
For example, that man over there.
Here's a sample standardized test question:

After everything he meant to me.
Test Pauses:

Candace will have to take Sandra’s place
in tonight’s performance unfortunately Sandra sprained her ankle and cannot walk.

Test Pauses:

Like James, Joy was interested in the environment, she concentrated her efforts on the habitat of the local environment.
Here's what you will see on a standardized test:

The glass of iced tea promised thirst-quenching

refreshment. Roseanne, however, had to beat
Maria to the refrigerator as they raced through
the front door.

The glass of iced tea promised thirst-quenching

refreshment Roseanne, however, had to beat

Maria to the refrigerator as they raced through
the front door.

refreshment. Roseanne
however; had
refrigerator; as
No change is necessary.

Item 5

The glass of iced tea promised thirst-quenching

refreshment. Roseanne, however, had to beat
Maria to the refrigerator as they raced through
the front door.

A. refreshment. Roseanne
B. however; had
C. refrigerator; as
D. No change is necessary.

Sally Subject
Pig Pen Predicate
are falling in love:)
Sally Subject
Pig Pen Predicate
Sally Subject
Pig Pen Predicate
marry, they will unite and become
Mr. and Mrs. Sentence.
Chaperone Charlie
will not allow them to be alone...

Subject Sally
Pig Pen Predicate
If they can't be alone, they
cannot unite

to become
Mr. and Mrs. Sentence
Run-on= Sally Subject + Pig Pen Predicate + no Chaperone Charlie + Sally Subject +Pig Pen Predicate + no Chaperone Charlie

Comma Splice = Sally Subject + Pig Pen Predicate + no Chaperone Charlie + , + Sally Subject +Pig Pen Predicate + no Chaperone Charlie
TEST: Visual People: Look for Sally, Pig Pen, and NO Charlie X2.
Cerebral People: Look for subject, predicate, stand alone times 2.
Auditory People: Turn the sentences into questions (see test below).

Turn your sentence into a yes/no question AND an "...isn't it" question to see if you have a run-on.

Example: Today is Friday I think it is raining=
Is today Friday? Do I think it is raining?
Today is Friday, isn't it? It's raining, isn't it?
Math People: TEST THE PAUSE- see next slide
Laura and Jason = 2
Laura or Jason =1
Laura nor Jason = 1
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