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Domestic Violence

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ESS Staff

on 14 November 2014

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Transcript of Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence Definition
~Any abusive, violent, coercive, forceful, or threatening act or word inflicted by one member of a family or household on another. Most commonly between intimate partners, but can be any member of a family.
Emotional, Verbal & Psychological Abuse
~Emotional abuse is sometimes harder to define and recognize. No one likes to be insulted or ridiculed, and that is the easiest way to describe it. It often makes the victim feel crazy by lowering his/her self confidence.
Some Examples
feelings get ignored
withheld approval/appreciation
humiliates in private/public
threatens suicide
ridicules/insults your most valued beliefs
threatens to leave/take the kids
name calling- you're dumb, stupid, retarded, you think you're so smart
degrades/humiliates in front of the children
blames the victim for their behavior
Anyone can be a victim/abuser/bully
~It doesn't matter what age, race, religion, class, sexual orientation or background. Anyone can be a victim and the same goes for an abuser. An abuser can be male or female and come from any of the above backgrounds. Bottom line abuse is a choice, a learned behavior not an illness.
The Cycle of Violence
Tension Building
nit picking
put downs
crazy making
Acute Explosion
promises of change
Victim Responses
Tension Building
attempts to calm
walking on "egg shells"
Acute Explosion
tries to reason
protects self/fights back
police get called
tries to leave

agrees to stay/or returns
feels happy/hopeful
sets up counseling
attempts to stop any legal proceedings/charges
Children & Domestic Violence
~Regardless of whether they have experienced abuse directly or witnessed abuse they are affected in the same way by violence in the home.
Effects of Abuse on Children
feelings of guilt
fear of abandonment
blames others
does not trust
has rigid stereo-types
acts out or withdraws
rigid defenses
aggressive or passive
poor anger management
poor problem solving skills
somatic complaints; headaches, stomachaches
poor personal hygiene
regression; bed wetting, thumb sucking
self abuse
Child Abuse/Domestic Violence
Ways to Empower Children
Educate children at their age level about family violence; what it is, why it occurs, why it's never their fault
Emphasize ALL feelings are okay and model healthy, safe ways of expression
Talk honestly with children; make sure it is age appropriate
Reach out for help and guidelines
Do not minimize their concerns or feelings
Teach rather than punish
Praise children everyday
Resources- Help is out there, tell somebody today
What can you do today to help spread awareness?
Effects on Health
~Along with physical injury, abuse can cause health problems that include
depression, panic attacks, PTSD, headaches, chronic neck, back and pelvic pain as well as digestive problems like IBS. Also victims who are sexually abused are at a higher risk for STI's.

~Women who are pregnant and in an abusive relationship are at a higher risk for health problems that include
low weight gain, anemia, infections and bleeding during pregnancy.
Emergency Support Shelter
The Free Dictionary/Legal Definitions
Teen Dating Violence
Teen Dating Violence
Dating violence can be prevented by families, organizations and communities working together to create awareness.
Metropolitan King County Council, 1999
Metropolitan King County Council, 1999
Lenore Walker, The Battered Woman
Lenore Walker, The Battered Woman
Ginny NiCarthy, Getting Free
Crime Victim Advocacy Program
Red Flag Behaviors
Services at the Emergency Support Shelter
We are more than just a shelter....
DV services
1:1 support and validation, as well as safety planning and resources.

HOPE Project
Ongoing personal support for victims of sexual assault, hospital accompaniment for victims.
SAFE Program
Legal advocacy (not legal advice) and help obtaining court orders like PO, PP and Disso, as well as court accompaniment and referrals.
CVAP Program
Information, support and referrals to victims of ID theft, child abuse, harassment, and assault just to name a few.
services are
Children who live in a home with domestic violence are at a higher risk to being abused themselves. They are also at risk for being neglected and being exposed to violent episodes.

3.3 to 10 million children witness the abuse of a parent or caregiver in the home each year (Carlson 1984, Straus and Gelles 1990)
Red Flag Behaviors
(fears you will find someone else)
(says they are only worried and want to make sure you're okay)
the money (limits your spending)
Pokes fun at you and/or your beliefs
others for problems/feelings he/she has
Breaks objects/throws things
you from friends/family
Quick involvement
Unrealistic expectations
Use of force during sex/rigid sex roles
History of Domestic Violence
~It is imperative to remember that domestic violence has no boundaries. It is in every community, every city and every state. Until we all stand up against abuse and hold abusers accountable at every level, we will continue to see violence continue in the lives of our children and grandchildren. Please help us in our fight to end domestic violence.
~Georgia Advocate
National Network to End Domestic Violence
Can you imagine...?
Also known as Family Violence
~Abuse can also start as a child. A child who is a bully could have learned that behavior from somewhere. Either they witnessed abuse or were/are abused themselves. Not all bullies have been abused.
The CVAP program was created to respond to the needs of the primary and secondary victims and families who have been victimized whether it was reported or not, some of these crimes include:
Fraud/Identity Theft
Child/Elder Abuse
Hate Crimes
Drunk/Drugged driving

~As a Crime Victims Advocate we help prioritize needs, obtain civil orders, support during an investigation, and advocate for victim's rights.
Is Bullying Abuse?
The use of force, threat or coercion to abuse, intimidate or aggressively impose domination over others.
Bullying can be put into four categories
hitting, pushing, kicking and damaging personal belongings
name calling, insults, homophobic or racist remarks and verbal abuse
often harder to recognize, spreading of rumors/lies, damaging reputation
becoming more popular, the use of cell phones and the internet to inflict fear to the victim, can be made public
~Domestic violence is not just physical abuse. There are other types of abuse that do not leave a visible mark but can be just as or more damaging.
Tell a friend, family member or co-worker about what you learned today.
Talk to your children about bullying and what to do if it happens to them or one of their friends.
If you know someone who is being abused, support them and let them know you are there.
Create awareness in your community by volunteering at your local shelter and sharing your experience.
By volunteering you can help facilitate presentations, be on call advocate for SA, or just help around the shelter.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month, wear purple to show your support.

Male Victims of Domestic Violence
Men as well as women are victimized by violence. Men and boys are less likely to report the violence and seek services for the following reasons:
~The stigma of being a male victim, the perceived failure to conform to the macho stereotype, the fear of not being believed, the denial of victim status, and the lack of support from society, family and friends.
~Children who witness violence in the home can also suffer with physical and behavioral health problems such as
depression, anxiety, anger towards peers and are more likely to commit suicide and abuse drugs and alcohol. But not all children.
Safety Planning
Important tips on what you can do to be more safe while in and when leaving a domestic violence relationship.
Get an extra phone also known as a 911 phone- even with no minutes it can still dial 911.
Keep a list of phone numbers of shelters and family/friends that you can call.
Gather important papers (birth certificates, SSC, passports) and keep them in a safe place that you can access.
If you can hide extra money and clothes for yourself and kids in a bag to grab if you decide to leave.
If possible have a spare set of keys to the vehicle.
If you can take your kids then do so, only if it is safe.
National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
Emergency Support Shelter 24/7

(CVAP line)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline 24/7
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Visit the crime victims website to see more resources:

1 in 3 teens in a dating relationship have been verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually assaulted.
1 in 2 teens have compromised their values to please their partner.
1 in 3 female teens in a dating relationship fear for their safety.
Jealousy and possessiveness are very common in teen dating violence, though there are many other red flags.
Warning Signs
Teens are influenced by peers, adults in their lives and by the media. More often than not this tells teens that violence in relationships is ok.
Acts jealous, possessive or controlling
Tells you what to wear
Call frequently; wants to know where you are at all times
Wants to be with you at all times
Has friends check up on you
Gets angry quickly, fights a lot
Makes you apologize for things that are not your fault
Demands your phone or online passwords
Refuses to accept the relationship is over
Michelle Grendahl

DV/CVAP Advocate

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