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Set Intention to notice one's own reactive, unwholesome mindstates.

Use mindfulness practice until emotions dissolve around the conflict.

Resolve your inner conflict and assume responsibility for your part in the conflict.

Bringing Harmony to Conflict

Using the Buddha's Eightfold Path

Harmony

Mindful Reflection of Your Own Inner Conflict

Beneficial to All

Win - Win Outcome

Relationship is in Harmony

Focus Attention on

Emotions NOT Resolved

Resume Mindful Reflection

***

  • the body
  • the sense bases
  • the mind

Emotions Resolved

  • the mental phenomena

***

Proceed Along the Path

Right Mindfulness

Present Moment

Right Concentration practice

Bare Attention

Right Effort

Right Intention

Loving Kindness and Good Will

Generosity

Compassion

prevent unskillful mind states

overcome unskillful mind states

cultivate wholesome mind states

maintain wholesome mind states

Right View

Engagement Phase

Cause and Effect

Kamma and Vipaka

The Four Noble Truths

  • Suffering (Dukkha) Exists
  • The Cause of Dukkha is Grasping (Tanha)
  • There is a way to end suffering (Nirodha)
  • The way is the Eightfold Path (Magga)

Impermanence

GETTING CLEAR

through

Use Mindfulness of the Present Moment: show up without preconceptions (empty / open mind)

Set intention for harmony and affirm that intention verbally

Cultivate an attitude of empathy in order to transcend the relativity of “Self vs Other”

  • Method: Using Right Speech, inquire into the needs, motives and ideas of the other person.

Develop trust by

  • staying grounded in the present moment
  • mindful listening
  • being open to all views, ideas & solutions

Collectively generate alternatives and dialogue using Right Speech

Collaborate to decide what works best for the total situation

Factual Discernment

Conflict

Formula for Unskillful Management of Conflict

Sense of Separate Self (ego) rises up.

Not recognizing that the other is unwilling

or unable to seek Harmony with us.

  • Set aside expectations.
  • Examine the issue at hand, focusing on facts and transcending Value Judgments.
  • Consider the other person’s perspective relative to mind state, plus gender, age or cultural differences, etc.
  • Cultivate empathy and connection with the other party.

(Habitual Reaction to Disagreement)

History of you, me, & the conflict

+ Present situation

+ Win - Lose attitude

--> Disharmonious Resolution

No falsehood

Not harsh or crude

Not malicious or unkind

Not useless, idle chatter

Building Bridges

EMPATHY: Cultivate an inner feeling of compassion for the other person through making the effort to understand their situation and viewpoints.

*******

OBJECTIVE: Focus on the objective of reaching a harmonious resolution that is satisfactory to everyone.

*******

ENVIRONMENT: Consider the best time and place for moving into the Engagement Phase.

Right Speech

Starts with Mindful Listening

True

Beneficial

Timely

Gentle and kind

Benefits all

If Criticism comes your way:

Appreciate offerings

Stay focused & open

Accept what makes sense

Admit wrongs

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