Communicating with Teens

Bibliography

• lesswrong.com/posts/YhNGY6ypoNbLJvDBu/rebelling-within-nature
• Milner Jr, Murray, Freaks, Geeks, and Cool Kids, Routledge, 2006.
• psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201410/teaching-adolescents
• understandingteenagers.com.au/blog/5-mistakes-adults-make-communicating-with-teenagers/

Don't Nag

www.houstonpress.com/arts/office-space-is-an-underrated-film-9727575

• Nagging appears domineering.
• It doesn't work.
• Just don't.

Other Thoughts?

Listen

screenprism.com/insights/article/what-would-be-the-realistic-range-of-daredevils-hearing

• Treat teens' concerns as important.
• Make them feel heard.
• Listen to the reasons for their behavior.

Respect

• Status-seeking is the enemy of productivity.
• Make teens feel equal in status.

Communicating with Teens

Don't Minimize Problems

• Small problems feel big if they are all you can control.
• This is rational.

Why Teens Act Like Teens

Physiologically adult humans are not meant to spend an additional 10 years in a school system; their brains map that onto "I have been assigned low tribal status". And so, of course, they plot rebellion—accuse the existing tribal overlords of corruption—plot perhaps to split off their own little tribe in the savanna, not realizing that this is impossible in the Modern World. - Eliezer Yudokowsky

Assume Rationality

startrek.com/database_article/spock

• Teen behavior is adaptive for their social environment.
• Adults in "school-like" environments act like teens.
• Rewards are far off in time.

• Teens have low status.
• No one likes having low status.

Teens Are Humans

• Most advice for talking with teens applies to people in general.
• Many differences between adults and teens are socio-structural, not innate.

Don't Be Negative

disney.wikia.com/wiki/File:Negaduck_chainsaw.png

• Positive reinforcement feels better.
• Negativity can breed resentment.

Pick your Battles

youtube.com/watch?v=STMgRwY5CwY

• Don't try to control teens' behavior more than you need to.
• Yield to them on issues that aren't important.
• Find points where you can compromise.

Optimize Expectations

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goldilocks_and_the_Three_Bears#/media/File:The_Three_Bears_-_Project_Gutenberg_eText_17034.jpg

• Don't treat teens like kids.
• Don't overwhelm them either.
• Figure out what they are capable of and challenge it.