Self-Disclosure and Interpersonal Relationships

Imagine meeting someone new, what are the

stages that occur...They meet, engage in small

talk, find similarities and then continue the

relationship on a later date

As the relationship develops it goes through

different phases in order to reach either an

intimate or casual relationship

One thing that can help to make or break

this process is self disclosure.

Throughout these 8 minutes I will Inform you

about self-disclosure, the levels of self-disclosure, self-disclosure

and uncertainty and how lying affects self-disclosure.

Self-disclosure in Relationships

Our book "Looking Out, Looking In" by Adler and Procter the 2nd, defines self-disclosure as the processof deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and would not normally be known by others.

Now lets look at the levels of self-disclosure.

Levels of self-disclosure

Social Penetration model, describes 2 ways in which communication can be more or less disclosing. The model is similar to an onion and the outside layer is the breadth.

The breadth is the range of information and/or the subjects volunteered

The core of the onion is the depth which

is the shift from relatively impersonal

messages to more personal ones.

The first level of self-disclosure is Cliches which are ritualized, stock responses to social situations.

For example, If a woman

asks her husband why he came

home late and he responded by

saying, I was working late.

The second level is Facts which must be

intentional, significant and not otherwise

known.

Facts disclose important information

and suggest a level of trust and commitment

to the other person.

An example is that I dropped out of school in the 12th grade.

The third level is opinion, which reveal

more about the person than just facts.

For example,

I don't like public speaking.

The final level of self-disclosure is

feelings, which is usually the most

revealing level of self-disclosure.

For example,

I was afraid of clowns

when I was a child and I would get very

angry if I saw one.

Now that we have discussed levels of

self-disclosure, let's move to self-disclosure

and uncertainty reduction.

Self-disclosure and Uncertainty Reduction

According to "A First Look at Communication Theory",

Charles Berger created Uncertainty Reduction and he stated

that when people meet, their primary goal is to reduce uncertainty

about each other and the relationship.

This occurs through communication, nonverbal warmth, self-disclosure, similarities and shared communication networks.

Within relationships, when self-disclosure is

high, uncertainty is reduced.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=DqdeJ49mB8c

As you all saw in the video, there was

a lot of self-disclosure but to the wrong people

and as you can imagine, after that dinner, uncertainty was high because of it.

This leads me to my next point, the effects of

lying on self-disclosure.

How lying affects self-disclosure.

Our book focuses on benevolent lying which is unmalicious, or even helpful, to the person whom it is told. This is an alternative to self-disclosure.

Since the lie rate is 3 fibs for every 10

minutes of conversation, I felt that this would

be an important topic to cover.

There are many reasons why people lie.

1. To save face or to protect the recipient. For example, from the clip that I showed the speaker (Mike) said Gavin asked how could his wife not strap their son down, this was not mentioned in the clip but the child died and Gavin supported his wife by telling her it wasn't her fault. This is an example of saving face.

2. To avoid tension or conflict, an example of this from the clip is when Diane told her husband Terry that she was trying to get pregnant but couldn’t instead of telling him that she had her tubes tied.

3. To guide social interactions,

which is where we lie to make everyday

relationships run smoothly.

An example of this from the clip was Trina's relationship with Shiela. Trina pretended to like Shiela because she didn't want her to know that she was having an affair with Shiela's husband.

4. To expand or reduce relationships, which is where some

lies are designated to make relationships grow and other to reduce

interaction.

An example of this from the clip was when Angela asked her husband who he got VD from even though she knew that she gave it to him.

As you can see lying can have detrimental effects on self-disclosure

and relationships.

In conclusion, self disclosure is very

important when it comes to relationships,

it has the power to tremendously increase

relationships or to destroy them. I hope that each

of you understands the importance of self-disclosure,

use it more often within your relationships and try to avoid lying.

Self-Disclosure and Interpersonal Relationships