Grief Counseling Soft Skills

Mirroring

Mirroring is the behavior in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another.

For telephone counseling, be attentive to the caller's tone of voice, expressed mood, and rate of speech. Do your best to match it in your responses.

Active Listening

Active listening involves CONCENTRATING, REMEMBERING, UNDERSTANDING, and RESPONDING to what is being said.

When active listening is done correctly, the participant is more likely to feel like they have been heard, served, and supported.

Empathy

Empathy is the experience of understanding another person's condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. Empathy is known to increase prosocial (helping) behaviors. While American culture might be socializing people into becoming more individualistic rather than empathic, research has uncovered the existence of "mirror neurons," which react to emotions expressed by others and then reproduce them. (Psychology Today)

Reactions to an Expected Loss

• Grieving little losses along the way.
• Experiencing the inability to do the same things or go to the same places with your loved one.
• Experiencing symptoms of grief even before a loved one has died.
• Feelings of guilt because: of something you have said or not said about the person who died, of something you thought, felt, or wished about the person who died.
• Feelings that the death could have been prevented, you survived and your loved one did not, or of wanting to feel normal again.

Reactions to Unexpected Loss

• Feelings of shock and disbelief usually last longer.
• Many feelings come up all at once, for many reasons: there is no time to say goodbye, there a lack of closure, and there are more unanswered questions.
• The experience of reoccurring thoughts, dreams, or flashbacks. These are normal and should decrease with time. If they do not, this may require assistance.

Loss of a Pet

• People who suffer from this loss, often face the less sympathetic reactions than those who have lost a person.
• Do not undervalue or underestimate their loss.
• Encourage them to seek the support of others who have lost a pet.
• Do not immediately encourage the person to a new pet.

Do's

• Listen
• Support
• Give them time and space to speak
• Follow their lead
• Offer concrete services
• If appropriate, offer a sincere condolence
• Reflect
• Affirm
• Educate that most of what they are experiencing is “natural.”
• Assess for complicated bereavement.
• Assess for safety if there are concerns.
• Recognize your own powerlessness.

Don'ts

• Rushing to “reassure”
• Speaking in clichés
• Using your own assumptions about grief and loss
• Using the phrases “moving on” or “getting over”
• Saying, “I know how you feel.”
• Sharing your own losses or grief
• Adhering to a rigid model of the grief process: it is fluid.
• Do not minimize in situations that do not involve the loss of life.
• Do not judge a person’s reactions.
• Do not use a cheerful “customer service tone of voice” if a caller is upset or sad.