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Conflict Cycle
139
Conflict Cycle
By Terry Wilton
Ongoing
Family
Dynamic
How a little bit of dysfunction helped to create a person with little to no ability to handle conflict.
Beliefs & Attitudes
- If we ignore coflict it will go away.
- By not talking about our problems they will resolve themselves.
- Dad is not willing to compromise.
- Mom will play the mediator because Dad doesn't talk to me about our conflicts.
- Dad believes he is right.
- I believe we both are right.
- There is an ongoing unwillingness to change this pattern.
Conflict Interaction
- Dad and I get into an argument.
- The argument seemingly comes from nowhere because my Dad is a "gunnysacker". He bottles up little issues until he explodes.
- Dad explodes at me. Most of the time I am more than willing to flee from conflict but when it is immediately presented as a fight, you better believe I fight and I fight to win.
- Usually I give in just to shut him up in an act of pseudoaccomodation.
- And nothing gets better, only worse.
Conflict Interaction
Response
Response
- My Dad and I both go our separate ways.
- We both stew in silence emmanting palpable waves of anger.
- My Mom plays "Switzerland" and goes back and forth between us.
- Mom's interventions only serve to deepen the anger and resentment because Dad and I both know what she is doing and it never helps.
- My Dad and I don't communicate for and extended period of time, anywhere from days to weeks.
- Nothing changes.
Outcome
- Eventually the steam blows over, yet it isn't really gone, more like the conflict has been placed in a pressure cooker so the steam simply can't escape.
- There comes a grace period of "normalness".
- Most of the time I completely forget about the conflict. I am all for forgive and forget... Eventually.
- Dad never seems to let go. He simmers and hordes more and more real or imagined slights in his gunnysack until the next time he explodes.