Conflict Resolution

Conflict

1

What is it?

• Serious disagreement
• Normal
• Needs are not met
• Trigger emotions
• Fester when ignored
• Opportunity for growth

Biblical View

2

How does the Bible say to address conflicts?

• If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Matt 18:15-17

• Quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger James 1:19
• Soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh word stirs up anger Prov 15:1
• Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive Luke 17: 3

Biblical View

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others Phil 2:4

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Thereforebe imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God Eph 4:29-5:2

Types of Conflict

Whatever it takes

3

Conflict #1 Compliant/Compliant

• Dissatisfaction
• Avoid saying no
• Deny own boundaires to keep peace
• Address fear of hurting other person
• Honesty

Conflict #2 Compliant/Aggressive Controller

Aggressor

Compliant

• Feels Controlled
• Avoid conflict
• Inablity to set clear limits,
• Volunteering power & trying to please

• Feels good, doens't like being nagged
• Delaying gratification & responsibility
• Inability to respect
• Difficulty listening to no & accepting limits
• Honest feedback from friends

Conflict #3 Compliant/Manipulative Controller

Compliant

Manipulative

• Stuck
• Used & Exploited
• Resentment-> Avoids friendship

• Uses her friends
• Shouldn't mind doing friends a favor
• Parents rescued
• Doesn't plan ahead

Conflict #4 Compliant/Nonresponsive

Nonresponsive

Compliant

• Does all the work
• Depressed, Resentful, unimportant
• Fear of abandonment

• Coasting in friendship - doesn't really do anything
• Guilty, overwhlmed by needs/demands
• Doesn't take enough responsibilty for friendship

Triangulation

Start with You

Identify the Symptom

4

• Look at your own life situation
• Are you emotionally aware?
• Physically aware?
• Responding or Reacting to conflict?
• Patterns -> Old memories
• Perception of Conflict

Identifying

• What kind of conflict is being played out?
• What need is not being met?
• Differing needs?

God uses people to meet our needs. Be humble, reach out, & take in the good.

Boundaries

• What is your responsibility and what is NOT your responsibility?
• Say No to the bad
• Forgive the Aggressor

- Let them off the hook, cancel a debt they owe you

• Did you bring this person into your yard?

Respond. Don't React

Is someone able to cause havoc by doing or saying

something?

Are you in control or are they?

Respond ... You remain in control with options & choices. React & they are in control - Dr. Cloud & Dr. Townsend

Non-Violent Communication

5

Responding

• Hurtful or Helpful?
• Clarification
• Reflect
• Validate
• Deep Breath
• Another time?

• Actively Listen
• Goal
• Focus on the Present
• Pick your battles
• Forgive
• Seek a solution - w/ both interests

Resistance

• Open ended Questions
• Reframe
• Clarify
• Find Options
• Redirect to Positive
• Identify Needs
• Ball in their court
• Let it go

Questions

Dr. Esther Yi

858-621-3471

DrEstherMYi@gmail.com

Psychological Assistant PSB94023320

Supervised by Dr. Hayden #PSY24184