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Habit One

BE PROACTIVE

2 Types

of People

If someone calls you a name, you call them one back.

If you lose a game, you blame the other team.

Reactive

If you get a bad grade, you blame your teacher.

The Blame Game

If someone hits you, you hit them back.

Reactive people make choices based on impulse. They are like a can of soda. If life shakes them up a bit, the pressure builds and they suddenly explode!

You think before you act.

Proactive people are like a bottle of water. You can shake them up all you want, take off the lid, and nothing will happen. No fizzing, no bubbling, no pressure. They are calm, cool, and in control.

Proactive

I am in

Control

You don’t let others push your buttons or allow you to become angry or upset.

(Soda/Water Video)

You recognize you CAN’T control everything that happens to you, but you can control what you do about it.

Let’s practice

Scenarios

We will read each situation and then make a list of reactive and proactive responses.

We will make a tree map and classify the responses.

  • Reactive
  • Tell her off
  • Fall into a deep depression because you feel so bad about what she said.
  • Give her the silent treatment for being two faced.
  • Spread rumors about her as payback!

Scenario 1

You overheard your friend talking about you to a group of 8th graders. She does not know that you overheard the conversation. Just 5 minutes ago the same friend was being extra nice to you. You feel hurt and betrayed.

  • Proactive
  • Forgive her
  • Confront her and CALMLY explain how you feel.
  • Ignore it and give her a second chance.
  • Realize that sometimes you talk behind her back and you really don’t mean any harm.

Make a list of reactive and proactive responses.

You just found out that your little sister got new shoes and your mom promised you new shoes over a month ago.

Scenario 2

Share out

Make a list of reactive and proactive responses.

Scenario 3

Before school you were playing basketball with your friends. The other team cheated and ended up winning the game just as the bell rang to line up.

Share out

Make a list of reactive and proactive responses.

Scenario 4

Mrs. Desens is having a pizza party for her students who have been using the skill of getting the teacher’s attention appropriately this week. When she read the list of the kids who earned it, your name was not on it. You know you used the skill all week.

Share out

Changing your language

Be Proactive

  • Reactive Language
  • I’ll try
  • That’s the way I am
  • There’s nothing I can do
  • I have to
  • I can’t
  • You ruined my day
  • Proactive Language
  • I’ll do it
  • I can do better than that
  • Let’s look at all our options
  • I choose to
  • There’s got to be a way
  • I’m not going to let your bad mood rub off on me

Proactive people:

  • Are not easily offended
  • Take responsibility for their choices
  • Think before they act
  • Bounce back when something bad happens
  • Always find a way to make it happen
  • Focus on things they can do something about and don’t worry about things they can’t

It pays to be proactive because…

  • The color of our skin?
  • Weather?
  • Parents?
  • Rude Comments from classmates?
  • Who will win the Super Bowl?
  • How we respond to what happens to us?

Which of these things can we control?

“It’s not what happens to you in life, it’s what you do about it.”

What does this quote mean?

Think-Pair-Share

Life often deals us a bad hand and it’s up to us to control how we respond.

Every setback is an opportunity for us to turn it into a triumph.

Turning Setbacks into Triumphs

W. Mitchell

Learn to push pause

So when someone is rude to you, where do you get the power to resist being rude back?

Can Do

  • Make things happen
  • Think about solutions and options
  • Act

Sometimes things happen so fast that we instantly react out of habit.

What is your attitude?

Learn to pause and gain control

No-Can Do

  • Wait for something to happen
  • Think about the problems and barriers
  • Are acted upon

Think about how you will respond

You will make better decisions

Self-Awareness: I can stand apart from myself and observe my thoughts and actions.

Conscience: I can listen to my inner voice to know right from wrong.

4 Tools That Will Help You

Imagination: I can envision new possibilities.

Willpower: I have the power to choose.

Reflection Time

  • Think back to the past week. Have you been reacting in a proactive or reactive way?

  • If you have been reactive, what are some steps you can take to be proactive?

  • What can you do to prevent others from allowing you to explode?
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