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Transcript

Fundamentals of Domestic Violence

Presented By

Turning Point

Mission Statement

adopted in 1977

"Turning Point has the social responsibility to respond to the needs of victims of domestic violence by providing shelter, counseling, advocacy and general support services and to identify and confront the causes of domestic violence"

Turning Point

Turning Point Services

Turning Point Services

  • Marion Shelter (food, clothing, transportation)
  • Transition homes
  • Individual and group education and support
  • Victim's rights advocacy
  • Referrals
  • Children's programming
  • Teen advocacy
  • Community education
  • Ohio Reformatory for Women outreach
  • 24-hour crisis line

Delaware Shelter Coming Soon!

Turning Point SErvice Area

Turning Point SErvice Area

  • Crawford
  • Delaware
  • Marion
  • Morrow
  • Union
  • Wyandot

Turning Point Online

www.turningpoint6.org

Contacts and Resources

Turning Point

  • 1-740-382-8988 or 1-800-232-6506

National Domestic Violence Hotline

  • 1-800-799-7233

National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline

  • 1-866-331-9474

Contacts and Resources

What is Domestic Violence?

A pattern of physically and emotionally violent and coercive behaviors that one person uses to exercise power and control over another.

Types of Abuse

Physical

Sexual

Emotional

Verbal

Technology

Financial

Types of Abuse

Stats

  • Domestic abuse victims are 85% female, 15% male
  • 1 in 3 teens will be in unhealthy relationships by the time they graduate high school
  • Compared to women who have not experienced domestic violence, victims are:
  • 80% more likely to have a stroke
  • 70% more likely to have heart disease
  • 60% more likely to have asthma
  • 70% more likely to drink heavily
  • 80% of violent juvenile offenders come from homes where domestic violence occurs
  • Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness in the U.S.

Effects on Victim

Victim may feel...

  • shocked, angry
  • scared, intimidated
  • embarrassed
  • unloved
  • depressed
  • suicidal
  • confused
  • powerless
  • deserving of abuse

Victim may...

  • become injured, killed
  • want to leave
  • take out feelings on children
  • be isolated
  • overuse alcohol or drugs
  • want revenge
  • become violent also

Effects on Victim

Trauma bonding: Becoming emotionally dependent on the perpetrator. The rescuer and tormentor are the same person!

Effects on Children

Effects on children

  • Trauma bonding with abusive parent
  • Used as another tool against victim
  • Seek the rare attention and approval from the abuser
  • Earn approval to attempt to stay on abusers good side
  • Coached on silence/responses
  • Adopt abusers view of victim
  • Confused by public image vs. home reality
  • 7x more likely to be physically abused
  • Learn distorted lessons based on what they see at home
  • Why Does He Do That? Lundy Bancroft
  • Benefit from participating in sports, activities, music, etc.

Before Disclosure

Don't alert them to anything they may not be aware of!

  • "How are things going for you at home?"
  • "What happens at home when people get mad at each other?"
  • "You can tell me about your life at home anytime you want."

After Disclosure

Conversations with Children

Use direct language. Don't speak bad about the person, just the actions!

  • "It's not your fault if someone in the family says mean things or hurts someone."
  • "It's not your mother's fault if someone treats her badly."
  • "No one should ever blame you for being mean to you or hurting you."
  • "A child can't really protect his/her mother, and it isn't the child's job."

Why Do People Abuse?

Core problem: distorted sense of right and wrong

  • An abuser's behavior is primarily conscious, but the underlying thinking is largely not
  • Early cultural training
  • key role models, peer influences, media messages, pornography, abusive (step)fathers, historical gender role beliefs
  • Learned behavior: abuse becomes "normal"

"When abuse goes unpunished,

we develop the belief that

it's acceptable."

Not Because Of...

  • Abused as a child
  • Aggressive personality
  • Loses control
  • Low self-esteem
  • Mental illness
  • Genetics
  • Alcohol or Drugs
  • Stress
  • Behavior of the victim or problems in the relationship
  • Ask this question: Are the abusive behaviors reserved just for the victim, or across settings?

The Abusive Mentality

  • High standards for others, but don't feel THEY need to live up to them
  • Objectification or depersonalization: not seeing the victim as a human being
  • Has a sense of ownership of the victim

"The abuser sees his dirty face and washes the mirror"

Types of Abusers

Demand Man

Mr. Right

Water Torturer

Drill Sergeant

Mr. Sensitive

Player

Rambo

Victim

Terrorist

-Lundy Bancroft

Types of Abusers

  • Working with and attending court with abusers:
  • Don't present as stereotypically abusive in court
  • Psych evals: difference between victim and abuser
  • Batterers Intervention - rarely effective when court ordered
  • Often need batterers AND a second treatment (D&A, Mental Health, etc.)
  • Takes years of work
  • Interview batterers programs for general info:
  • Victim is involved
  • Address core attitudinal and behavioral issues
  • Behind Closed Doors, Netflix

Why Don't People Leave?

  • Love: hope that things will change
  • Fear: increased violence, no support system, threats of suicide or other types of harm
  • Doubt: low self-esteem, loss of identity, confusion
  • Embarrassment: feeling of failure
  • Religious beliefs
  • Trauma bonding
  • May not self-identify

Why Don't People Leave?

On average, it may take a victim 5-7 times before they finally leave an abuser

How Can You Help?

Be the opposite of the abuser

How Can You Help?

Do...

  • Listen without judgment
  • Acknowledge victim's feelings
  • Tell the victim it is not their fault and he/she did not deserve to be abused
  • Empower: "What do YOU want to do?"
  • Let the victim make his/her own decisions - a victim's own predictions are the most accurate
  • Make a safety plan - in successful escapes, the victim almost always has a plan before they go
  • Head trauma - keep it simple, write things down
  • Direct the victim to resources
  • Turning Point Victim Advocacy Program
  • CPO's - not always the answer

Don't measure success by whether or not the victim leaves, but by increased safety

Don't...

  • Make victim-blaming statements
  • "Did you do something to bring this on?"
  • "You should have been more careful."
  • "What did you expect to happen?"
  • Suggest couples therapy
  • Don't go to the abuser without permission from the victim

Strangulation

  • Extremely lethal, category all its' own
  • Willing to have someone's life in your hands
  • 7x more likely to kill you
  • Approx 60% show no visible signs, but internal damage can cause death
  • Encourage getting medical evaluation
  • May not self-identify: ask open-ended questions
  • YES - "Tell me about the last incident"
  • NO - "Did he strangle you?"

Strangulation And Head Injury

Head Injury

  • Two types: bump, blow, jolt OR lack of oxygen or blood
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