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"[...] there’s nothing that costs less or comes cheaper, according to my master, than good manners.” --Sancho

"Pure Courtesy"

Don Quixote's Rules of Conduct

The Civilizing Process: Manners

"As one enters Santiago Street in Madrid, which is a bit narrow, a magistrate from court came out with two constables in front of him, and as soon as my good squire saw him, he turned the reins of the mule, giving every indication he was going to escort him. My lady, who was on the haunches, with a muted voice said: 'What are you doing, you fool? Don't you see I'm here?' The magistrate, out of pure courtesy, pulled the reins back on his horse, and said to him: 'Don't change your route, señor. I should be accompanying my lady [...] But my husband still insisted on accompanying the magistrate, cap in hand. When my lady saw this, filled with rage, she took a hatpin, or rather, I think it was an awl, from her needle case, and stuck it into his lower back, and my husband gave a huge yelp, and twisted his body so much that he knocked his mistress to the ground [...] his bowels had been pierced all the way through. The courtesy of my husband became so well-known that boys in the street ran after him, and because of it, and because he'd been a bit short-sighted, my lady the duchess fired him, and I'm convinced that the grief that it caused was responsible for his death." (854-55)

1. "[...]be clean and cut your fingernails"

2. "Don't go about [...] without a belt, wearing loose-fitting clothing"

3. "Don't eat garlic or onions"

4. "Walk slowly and speak with deliberation"

5. "Eat little at lunch and eat even less at dinner"

6. "Be restrained in your drinking"

7. "Be careful not to eat with food in both cheeks, nor to eruct in front of anyone."

8. "Never get involved with questioning lineages [...]"

9. "You should wear long pants and a jacket, and a cape that is a bit longer."

The Book of the Courtier

If manners consist of an "outward show" of refined behavior, how do we discern those who harbor murderous intentions towards us?

  • Are manners important?

  • If manners are subject to time and place, how do we know that we are, in fact, demonstrating "good manners"? Are we actually behaving rudely?

  • Who decides what constitutes "good" or "bad" manners?

  • Do you believe that our society generally displays "good" manners?

  • What is the role of language in the observance of courtesy?

The Difference Between an Insult and an Offense According to Don Quixote

"[...] he who cannot be insulted cannot insult anyone else. Women, children, and ecclesiastics, since they cannot defend themselves, even though they may be offended, can't be insulted [...] So according to the laws of the cursed duel, I consider myself offended but not insulted [...]" (741)

The Prince

Baldassare Castiglione (1478-1529)

Sancho's story on table manners:

Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527)

"So, as I was saying," said Sancho, "when the two of them were about to sit down, the peasant begged the hidalgo to sit at the head of the table and the hidalgo begged the peasant to sit at the head of the table, because in his house you were supposed to do what he asked. But the peasant, who considered himself very courteous and well-bred, refused until the hidalgo, who was quite annoyed, putting his hands on the other's shoulders, forced him to sit, saying 'Sit down, you stupid boor, for wherever I sit, it will be the head of the table.' " (737-38)

"Courtesy undoubtedly gets its name from the court and court life. The courts of great lords are a theater where everyone wants to make his fortune. This can only be done by winning the favor of the prince and the most important people of his court. One therefore takes all conceivable pains to make oneself agreeable to them. Nothing does this better than making the other believe that we are ready to serve him to the utmost of our capacity under all conditions. Nevertheless, we are not always in a position to do this, and may not want to, often for good reasons. Courtesy serves as a substitute for all this. By it we give the other so much reassurance, through our outward show, that he has a favorable anticipation of our readiness to serve him. This wins us the other's trust, from which an affection for us develops imperceptibly, as a result of which he becomes eager to do good to us. This is so common with courtesy that it gives a special advantage to him who possesses it. To be sure, it should really be ability and virtue which earn people's esteem. But how few are the correct judges of these two! And how many fewer hold them worthy of honor! People, all too concerned with externals, are far more moved by what reaches their senses externally [...]

--Court, Courtesy, Courtier (Qtd. in The History of Manners, Norbert Elias)

Ask the Past

https://askthepast.net/how-to-impress-girls-at-dance-1530/

http://askthepast.blogspot.com/

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