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Transcript

Rent-a-Swag

Tom's Bistro

Tom Haverford began his first reputable business, by renting out his own high-end clothing to middle school boys whose mothers don't want to constantly buy clothes that their sons will grow out of. Because puberty.

After the failure of Rent-a-Swag, Tom Haverford focused on his job in the Parks Department before opening up a restaurant which became very successful and popular in Pawnee.

Entertainment 720

While still working for the Parks Department, Tom Haverford and friend Jean-Ralphio Saperstein started an entertainment company which eventually shut down due to financial issues, i.e., they were making no money and no effort.

However, after blowing a ton of money on unsuccessfully trying to franchise Tom's Bistro, the restaurant closed down as well.

However, Rent-a-Swag also eventually closed down because Jean-Ralphio Saperstein and his father are a couple of pricks.

E720 former headquarters in Pawnee, Indiana

Fun Facts!

Failure: An American Success Story

co-created Treat Yo Self day with Parks co-worker, Donna Meagle

Tom Haverford gained nationwide success in publishing a book about all his failures. His book has inspired and motivated people to never give up.

co-owned The Snakehole Lounge with Jean-Ralphio Saperstein, as well as the drink Snake Juice which is basically rat poison.

Career Beginnings

walking on red carpet all the time.

Tom Haverford began his career in government as the immediate subordinate of Leslie Knope, deputy parks director of the Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana.

Quotes

possibly included in his book

THE END

  • "Your favorite kind of cake can't be birthday cake; That's like saying your favorite cereal is breakfast cereal."
  • '"Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cacc.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.'”
  • “When I bet on horses, I never lose. Why? I bet on all the horses.”
  • “Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we want is not always where we are… Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our increase.”

hope you enjoyed my presentation, thank u for listening. or not listening. whatever.

Early Life

Thomas Montgomery Haverford was born as Darwish Sabir Ismael Gani and hails from South Carolina.

His birth date, town of origin, height, weight, and blood type are not important things for you to know so chill.

He changed his name to be more appealing in politics.

Tom Haverford

Businessman, former government official, and author

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