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Examples of windups:

“According to the results...”

“In the next part of the lab...”

“In order to understand X concept...”

5. Windups: Start fast--no slow windups.

Windups are phrases, usually prepositional phrases, that set up an idea to be expressed in a sentence. Some windups are necessary or important to the meaning of the sentences they introduce, but others just make sentences wordy or unnecessarily complex. Deciding whether a windup is necessary or not depends on the context.

Review

All content taken from Revising Prose, 4th ed., Richard Lanham

3. The “action” of the sentence: Ask, "Where is the action?" The action of the sentence describes what or who is doing what to whom. For example, in the following sentence, the action would be “placed:” The team placed the gyroscope laterally.

4. Finding the subject:Put this "kicking" action in a simple (not compound) active verb.The subject of the sentence is the person or thing doing the action. In the following sentence, the subject is “the team.” “The team placed the gyroscope laterally.”

Examples before and after applying the reverse paramedic method:

Original: In the following experiment, we used the feline cell line, W9, to evaluate cell growth in the presence of the growth factor.

Revised: The feline cell line W9 was used to evaluate cell growth in the presence of growth factor.

Original: During the procedure, we cultured the cells for 48 hours in media that we modified with 78, 80, 90, and 110 ng/mL BMP.

Revised: Cells were cultured for 48 hours in media modified with 78, 80, 90, and 110 ng/mL BMP.

Original: At 48 hours, we harvested cells from the cell culture dish and counted. We used a hemocytometer.

Revised: At 48 hours, cells were harvested from the culture dish and counted using hemocytometer.

Eliminating redundancies reduces word count and

makes sentences easier to understand.

2. “To be” or “is” verbs: These words describe

the “states of being” of people or things in a sentence.

Examples: is, was, has been, will be, are, become.

6. Redundancies: are patterns or words that are repeated in a sentence. Using redundancies leads to awkward and lengthy sentences, which can make your sentences and your ideas hard to understand.

Questions?

Other ways to achieve concision:

1) Combine sentences

2) Avoid expletives at the beginning of sentences (There are, It is, etc.)

3) Interrogate every word in the sentence

Procedure for the Reverse Paramedic Method

1. Circle the prepositions.

2. Eliminate any unnecessary prepositions.

3. Identify any references to the researchers (the doer).

4. Replace references to the researchers with a passive construction that emphasizes the experiment (what was done).

5. Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups.

6. Eliminate any redundancies.

1. Circle the prepositions

A preposition is any word or group of words that relates a noun or pronoun to another word in a sentence.

Some common prepositions: about, after, among, behind, down up, from, of, off, past, before, underneath, with, above, during, beyond, in, since, until, within, according to, along, at beside, by except, into, on, through, up, without, across, amid, before, besides, concerning, for, like, over, toward, upon.

Exercises in

Conciseness

Overview

Make an Appointment Using SLU Appointments or Visit our Website:

www.slu.edu/x34507.xml

7. Active and passive voice: Active voice is a

structure of writing that emphasizes the doer

and uses active verbs rather than forms

of the verb "to be".

Concision:

is the art and practice of using no more words

than necessary to convey an idea. It aims to improve the effectiveness of communication by eliminating redundancy without omitting important information.

Here is an example of the same sentence written in passive voice:

"The baseball game was attended by Morgan Latour."

In some cases, the doer is not even mentioned in scientific writing:

"The experiment was conducted at 1330 GMT."

The purpose of this exercise is to emphasize the experiment rather than the researchers.

Here is an example of a sentence written in active voice:

"Morgan Latour attended the baseball game."

The sentence above is constructed in the subject-verb-object pattern. Note that the doer (Morgan) precedes the verb (went).

Passive voice does not emphasize the doer and may even use past tense. Passive voice is usually used in scientific writing because the emphasis is placed on what was done rather than on who did it.

Procedure for the Reverse Paramedic Method

The paramedic method is an editing exercise originally described in Richard Lanham’s Revising Prose. Also see Purdue Owl.

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