Walking the middle path

Skills Practice

Identify times when you DID and DID NOT think or act dialectically during the week. (worksheet)

NEXT WEEK...

Walking the Middle Path: VALIDATION

-What is validation

-How do we validate (ourselves and others)

Too loose VS too strict

Too loose: Having too few demands and limits

DIALECTICAL

DILEMMAS

Too Strict: Refers to imposing too many demands and limits while being inflexible

Being stuck in an extreme way of thinking

Being too loose

VS

Forcing independence too soon Holding on too tight

Forcing independence too soon

Being too strict

Forcing independence too soon: "cutting the strings" too soon

Holding on too tight: Restricting moves towards independence

Holding on too tight

Making light of a problem behavior

Making too much of typical teen behavior

Making too light VS making too much of problem behaviors

Making too light of problem behavior: Minimizing the seriousness of behaviors that could be harmful.

Making too much of problem behavior: Overreacting to behavior that would generally be considered "normal"

4. Two things that seem like opposites can both be true.

(You are Tough AND you are Gentle) (You are doing the best with what you've got, AND you will learn new skills to manage better)

5. Change is the only constant

(On any given day, things are never the same as the moment before or the moment after. EG A garden changes each and every day)

6. Meaning and truth evolve over time. What was true in the past may no longer be true

(Parents may look back on all the hard work they put into their success and impose the same demands on their children. however, the meaning of hard work is learned over time, and as teenagers you will also need time to learn those skills.)

A dialectical approach can help us get "unstuck"

1. There is always more than one way to see a situation and more than one way to solve a problem

When we have a disagreement with a parent, peer or sibling, each person may have their own perspective of how the disagreement went.

However both of your facts may be the same even though the details may be different.

"WHEN WE ARE IN EMOTIONAL MIND, USING OUR EMOTIONS TO MAKE DECISIONS, RATHER THAN WISE MIND, WE TEND TO ACT IN EXTREME "BLACK-OR-WHITE" THINKING."

BLACK-OR-WHITE THINKING:

"you see a situation as ALL or NOTHING"

2. All people have unique qualities and different points of view. Accepts differences among people's attitudes and behaviors. (some people feel that anything deviating from their own point of view is WRONG!)

What will we gain from Middle Path?

We can work on Changing painful or difficult thoughts, feelings and circumstances, while at the same time accepting ourselves, others and circumstances as they are.

3. It is important not to see the world in "black-or-white" ways. (Truth's do not have to fall into one extreme or another)

VS

ONE EXTREME

ANOTHER EXTREME

WALKING THE MIDDLE PATH: Balancing acceptance AND change

DIALECTICS: Two things that seem like opposites, can both be true.

DIALECTICAL DILEMMAS: Being "stuck" in an extreme way of thinking

YOU

PARENTS