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Reflective Listening

Application

Populations where Reflective Listening can be used: Family Therapy, School Counseling, and Individual Sessions

How to use Technique

Listen for the underlying emotion

  • For example if the speaker said "My boyfriend acts like such a jerk!" Your might say " You sound mad" or "You sound frustrated."

Paraphrase what the speaker is saying, repeating the statement in question form.

*For example if the speaker said "My husband never listens to me!" Your might say "You feel that David doesn't listen very well?"

One big drawback for Reflective Listening is misinterpreting what is said or assuming what a person needs.

Encourage the speaker to keep talking by letting them know you are listening. Make direct eye contact. Use open, receptive body language.

  • Nod your head, and make comments that encourage further communication such as "Ok, go on."

Ask clarifying questions in order to make sure you understand what the speaker is saying

*For example if the speaker said "That kid just made me feel so stupid!" You might say "It sounds like you're pretty upset. Did something happen?"

Approach the conversation with the belief that the speaker has the ability to solve the problem for themselves. Resist the temptation to offer advice, or give opinions about what the speaker is saying.

  • Ask questions such as "so how will you deal with that?" and "What do you think can/should be done about this situation?"

Technique

-Reflective Listening is referred to in different ways including:the empathic ear, active listening, the understanding response, verbal pacing, and paraphrasing

-Reflective Listening involves, listening intently to a speaker, then verbally restating, in your words, the feelings and information that you heard the speak say to you.

History/Background

Examples of ways that you can reflect back to a speaker include:

  • So you feel....
  • You're wondering if....
  • It sounds like you...

Reflective listening has a number of benefits:

  • ensures the listener is actively engaged in the conversation
  • helps the listener and the speaker clarify their understanding of each other
  • creates empathy
  • builds positive rapport and a deepening relationship,
  • helps the speaker to clarify their own thoughts and feelings
  • can be used in any conversational situation
  • is a skill that can be developed

-Reflective Listening is derived from the theory of Motivational Interviewing (MI).

-Reflective Listening is a key skill in MI.

-The process of MI is establishing a relationship; setting an agenda; assessing importance, confidence, and readiness; exploring importance; and help clients select a plan of action building their confidence

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