Copy of Mom

shawn and zeke aka step brothers

• Shawn and Zeke are my step brothers. Although I consider them my brothers, I have spent a lot les time with them and am a lot more likely to use the word step when referring to them. Not because I do not like them as much, simply because they do not live with us so I hardly see them, we do not have very much in common, and as a result I see our relationship from a much more legal perspective. Their roles have always been that of my step brothers, that I get along with but am not particularly close with.

Mom

• This is my mom, she has primarily raised me all of my life and is also my best friend, role model, and helps me the most financially. Our relationship has always been like this.

• A concept that I can relate here would be the Sexual Double Standard from chapter 6. The concept essentially says that there are stricter moral constricts on women than men. I feel like that is absolutely true. For more than half of my childhood, my mom was single and many people assumed that she had had me as a result of a one night stand or some other form of sex outside of marriage, however her and my dad simply divorced very early on. These thoughts also caused people to belittle her to an extent. I do not think that people made the same assumptions with my dad because it is more acceptable for a man to have possibly had sex outside of marriage. She would sometimes be seen as a young woman who got "knocked up," and I believe this was largely in part because she was a single mother, rather than a helpless single father.

• They have experienced much in the way of transitions and living arrangements (chapter 9). Their mom is not the best and so my mom and step dad have tried many times to gain custody. It has never worked except during a brief period in which the oldest lived with us for six months, but eventually had to go back to his mother's house. Their mother often has different boyfriends that she moves in with which also causes them to have to adapt and transition very frequently. Another related aspect of this chapter is the concept of parenting and how that affects living situations. The youngest has not been to our house in a very long time. This is mostly because of my mom's parenting style. She strongly believes in the three things Cohen mentions: supoortiveness, monitoring, and discipline. She does not want them to have the endless freedoms their mom provides them with.

• My mom also exhibits the ideas of dating and companionte marriage from chapter 2. Some people are lonely and get married just to do it, people in older times would do it for money or other more practical reasons. However, rather than marrying the first acceptable candidate she met after her divorce, she waited. She waited almost twelve years, and spent that time dating and looking for someone whom she loved and was a good fit for both of us. She desired companionate marriage and wanted love, not convenience.

falon aka best friend and sister

• My relationship with Falon is in no way biological, but she will always be the person I am closest to. I have grown up with her and known her since I was four. We have always been inseparable. We are closer than most siblings I know and are members of each other’s families. Her parents even took me to Disney World as a graduation present. Her role in my life is that of a sister and it will always be that. We even get excited at the possibility of living in the same place after school. I consider her family because we are.

• Chapter 1 mentions different types of family. Falon strongly represents the idea of personal family for me. Although she is not biologically related to me, we are closer than I will ever be with most of my “real” family. We have no legal ties, yet I will always consider her my sister. My family even sometimes refers to her as my sister.

• Chapter 7 discusses love and dating. Falon represents many of the principles and concepts mentioned. First of all, she recently got out of a long term relationship that was very outside of the "norm." While she is a respectable girl, she and her boyfriend did not follow typical social scripts and their relationship was a bit unconventional at times. They dated a bit very early on, then broke up, then became friends, then had an intimate encountner, and then began their three year relationship. This is a very unconventional path, but it worked for a while. However, in many ways they were not compatible and relied solely on romantic love, not even considering the concept of utilitarian love. Passion and adoration were large parts of their relationship, while practicality and rationality were not often taken into account.

joe aka stepdad

• My relationship with Joe is that of a father and daughter since he is married to my mom and I live with them, but more so that of friends. I would say that his role has changed a little bit over time because towards the beginning of his entrance into my life I was very insistent on not seeing him as a father figure because I did not want to replace my own father. However, over time he became more of that to me, especially as my relationship with my dad declined. I honestly feel like Joe would do anything for me, but I feel like this is also in part due to his sons being somewhat distant. He is not able to see them very often since they do not live with us, and I think that having me around helps that.

• The first thing I will relate to Joe are the ideas of exogamy and social distance from chapter 3. He has a niece who had a long term African American boyfriend. He was a great guy and they loved each other. However, Joe's dad did not approve of his granddaughter dating a Black man and would often make comments. Although it is not the belief that we all hold, he did not completely agree with the idea of exogamy and did not want to see her pursue that. He also displayed a much larger social distance in that he is from an older generation and has very traditional beliefs. Whereas the rest of us display a much narrower social distance because we believe in acceptance and diversity, and were happy to see them together.

• The second concept I will relate to Joe is cohabitation from chapter 8. Joe and the wife of his children were never married. They got pregnant at a young age, did not have steady jobs, and chose to live together but not tie the knot. Cohen displays data that shows lower educated people have always had the highest rates of cohabitation, which reigns true in this example because they each had only high school or some high school education (for various reasons). Unlike many of Cohen's examples however, they did not cohabitate because they did not believe in marriage or faced some sort of social obstacle, but because they were simply too young and immature to think about something like that. Later in the chapter Cohen provides data which mentions married couples showing higher signs of happiness and overall satisfaction. This is very apparent here, Joe and his ex girlfriend were very unhappy, still do not get along, and split up soon after having the two children.

• He is my father biologically, but I also consider him my father socially. He had a part in my childhood and I continue to visit him and his family now. Our relationship is not as rock solid as many fathers and daughters, but it is also probably not the worst. His role has not changed much, he has never had a lot of influence over the things I did or been the parent that I looked to for everything, but we get along and have become somewhat closer recently.

dad

• I will relate the concept of social class from chapter 4. My father did not come from a lot of money and had a very strong work ethic instilled in him at a young age. He would work long and hard for my grandfather and has continued to be involved in manual labor of some kind for most of his life. Although he owns his own business now, it still revolves around manual labor. As a result of this, he wanted to teach me a work ethic and did not want me to rely solely on school and extracurriculars. However, I would say that he also practiced the principle of accomplishment of natural growth and encouraged me to play outside and be physical, to make friends in the neighborhood and enjoy nature. The principle calls parents to focus primarily on their children's happiness, and I believe that plays a big role in him supporting whatever I want to do. Most of my friends are not allowed to pursue the arts, but he always encouraged me too (albeit from a very practical standpoint).

• Another concept I can relate to my dad is Elder Abuse from chapter 12. My dad's cousin lived with and took care of his grandparents as they were becoming less self reliant. We thought she was simply being helpful, however she was taking advantage of them. No one knew at the time, but she would not always take care of them like she should (they were not in a position to tell us) and she would use their things without anyone's permission (such as their car), and she even took money from them on occasion. Elder abuse is not addressed or taken care of like it should be, but it is exactly for the reason that it was not stopped in this case -- because no one knows about it. As Cohen says, it is hard to identify because it so often takes place in such secluded settings.

brittany aka stepmom

• My relationship with Brittany is a lot more distant than with Joe. We are more of friends and get along really well, but I still would not necessarily feel comfortable confiding in her. I consider her family because she does treat me like family and does not favor her children, but also because she is married to my dad. Her role as a "friend" and slight authority figure has remained the same although we may have gotten slightly closer over the years.

• Brittany is a great example of gender division of labor from chapter 11. This principle is about the division of labor between the different genders. Her and my dad are a classic example of this because she stays at home, does all of the housework, carework, cleaning, cooking, etc. My dad works outside the home, makes the money, and does not do any work inside the house (although he does yardwork). However, this is exactly how they want it, she is very traditional and loves being domestic. Women are shown in the book doing more housework if they make less money, and it is very evident here.

• She can also relate to many of the conservative ideals present in chapter 13, but also proves the stigma wrong. She is a (mostly) traditional, Southern Baptist, Christian woman. She believes in long lasting, same sex marriage and corporal punishment. However, she is not scary, intolerant, or judgemental. For example, she thinks that lifelong, same sex marriage is what God intended, but has been divorced and understands it is sometimes necessary, and also has gay friends. Also, Cohen provides us with data saying that most church going folk are against diversity within families, but she understands that sometimes change is good and that every situation is different and calls for certain measures to be taken (like a child going to live with grandparents because the parents are unfit).

by emily goodwin

cameron and abby aka step sisters

brody aka half brother

• Brody is my half brother. Although there is a legal aspect, I also see him as my brother because he is biologically related to me. I also see more of a chance of being close with him because I have known him since he was born, so I am making a big effort to remain a part of his life as we each grow up, although we are at very different stages in our lives. His role has not had much time to change but I do not think it will, I will always love him and see him as my true brother.

• Cameron and Abby are my step sisters, but I see them as my sisters. I refer to them as my sisters and do not treat them any differently (although we will never be as close as biological sisters simply because I did not grow up with them). I consider them family because of legal reasons, but also because I love them. Their roles have always been such, and I will always see them as my "real" sisters.

• They have definitely experienced a blended family (chapter 10) and have had to deal with the challenges that come along with it. Some boundary ambiguity was faced when my dad was not entirely sure of his role, and they did not want to listen to him because he is not their "real" father. These are common hardships among blended families and we all had to adjust and become accustomed to one another's roles in our lives.

• For Brody, gender socialization (chapter 5) plays a big role in his life. My father is pretty traditional and definitely does not agree with homosexuality. He himself, is very masculine and is very insistent on Brody being as well. Through the process of gender socialization, my dad is trying his hardest to teach Brody to be a man. Brody wear the same types of clothes as my dad, is given sports equipment to play with, and has lots of army men and building toys. Occasionally, Brody will put on my sisters and I's jewelry or clothes and my dad will try not to look bothered, but will tell him to take it off. Through gender socialization, I believe Brody is also discovering what is "right and wrong," and how he should behave. I am sure he will end up very similar to my dad.