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Listening and Responding Skills

By: Dominic Fuentes, Felicia Ismail, Jesse Prado, Lesley Simms, & Jessica Grob

Listening Barriers

Components of being Self-Absorbed

Improving Your Listening Skills

Selective Listening: Letting our preformed biases and expectations color what we hear, which are likely to result in missed meaning and self-focused filtering of messages.

Conversational Narcissism: To be in love with oneself, or seek to turn the attention of others on themselves. Example: Greek Character Narcissus who be became enamored with his reflection in a pool of water.

How to Detect if you are Self-Absorbed

  • Not always focusing on the speaker’s message but thinking about what he or she is going to say next.
  • Most likely to interrupt others in mid-sentence.
  • Does things primarily for the benefit of themselves, puts their feelings first.

How to Improve Listening Comprehension Skills

-Stop

  • Stop participating in "self talk"
  • Stop distracting yourself from the conversation

Criticizing the Speaker

-Look

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -Mother Teresa

  • Being aware of senders non-verbal messages
  • Be aware of your own non-verbal messages

Couple More Barriers

How to Improve Empathic Listening Skills

Differing Speech & Thought Rate:

-Listen

Unchecked Emotions

Ambush Listening: Person who is overly critical and judgmental when listening to others, Although the ambush listener may look as if she or she is listening, in reality this type of listener is waiting to critique the speaker for variety of reasons.

  • Be engaged in the conversation
  • Appropriately respond to messages
  • Positive emotional state=Good listener
  • Negative emotional State=Distracted
  • Social Decentering - cognitive process in which you take into account another person's thoughts, values, background, and perspectives as you interact with him or her.

The gap between speech rate and thought rate gives us an opportunity to side-process any number of thoughts that can be distracting from a more important message.

Emotional Noise: Occurs when emotional arousal interferes with communication effectiveness

  • Compassionate Listening - listening while being open, nonjudgmental, and nondefensive.

How to Overcome the 7 Barriers

Other Types of Barriers...

How to Improve Critical Listening Skills

1. Self-Absorption- Become Aware of the self-focus and shift attention

2. Unchecked Emotions- Use self-talk to manage emotions

3. Criticism- Focus on the message, not messenger

4. Differing Speech & Though Rate- Use time difference between speech & thought rate to mentally summarize the message.

5. Information Overload-Realize when you & your partner is tired and not ready to listen

6. External Noise-Take charge of listening environment by eliminating distractions

7. Listener Apprehension-Concentrate on the message

  • Information Overload: A condition in which information inflow exceeds an individual's processing capacity.

-Critical Listening - listening to evaluate the quality, appropriateness, value, or importance of the information you hear.

  • Listening Apprehension: The fear of misunderstanding or being unable to adjust the spoken messages of others.
  • Inference vs Fact
  • External Noise: Distractions such as stereo or t.v on which makes it difficult to understand the speaker.

Improving Your Confirmation Skills

The key to improving your confirmation skills is knowing the difference between confirming and disconfirming responses

Improving Your Responding Skills

Empathetic Responding Skills

Ways to respond skillfully:

How to provide empathetic support?

  • Confirming Response - statement that causes another person to value himself or herself more

1) Direct acknowledgment

2) Agreement about judgments

3) Supportive response

4) Clarifying response

5) Expression of positive feeling

6) Compliment

  • Disconfirming Response- statement that causes another person to value himself or herself less

1) Irrelevant response

2) Interrupting response

3) Impervious response

4) Tangenital response

5) Impersonal response

6) Incoherent response

7) Incongruous response

  • Ask appropriate questions
  • Accurately paraphrase
  • Provide well-timed responses
  • Provide usable information
  • Appropriately adapt your responses
  • Do not Interrupt
  • Paraphrase emotions

-verify what the speaker is "feeling"

  • Provide helpful social support

-offer positive, sincere, supportive messages

-social support is different than expressing pity

Listening Defined

What you can do to Ease Someone's Stress and Anxiety?

What not to do!

Listening Styles

1) Don't say you know exactly ow they feel

2)Don't criticize; no judgmental comments

3)Don't immediately offer advice

4)Don't tell them to "not worry" or "the worst is over" or "it's no big deal"

5) Don't blame them

  • Clearly express that you want to provide support
  • Communicate that you have positive feelings for the other person
  • Indicate that you have the time to support/listen to them
  • Acknowledge that they are in a difficult situation
  • Ask open-ended questions
  • Provide conversational continuers
  • Just LISTEN
  • Process of selecting, attending to, creating meaning from, remembering and responding to verbal and non verbal messages
  • Your preferred way of making sense of messages

Styles

Relational: focus on emotions and feelings that are being communicated

Analytical: listen to all sides before making a judgement

Critical: listen to facts, look for inconsistencies

Task Oriented: look at overall message to see what needs to be done

Understanding Your Style

  • Process of Listening:
  • It can help you adapt to the listening situation
  • It's important to know you have more than one style

1. Selecting

  • Communicate messages that others are more likely to listen to

2. Attending

3. Understanding

4. Remembering

5. Responding

Listening and Responding Skills

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