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Listening and Responding Skills
By: Dominic Fuentes, Felicia Ismail, Jesse Prado, Lesley Simms, & Jessica Grob
Selective Listening: Letting our preformed biases and expectations color what we hear, which are likely to result in missed meaning and self-focused filtering of messages.
Conversational Narcissism: To be in love with oneself, or seek to turn the attention of others on themselves. Example: Greek Character Narcissus who be became enamored with his reflection in a pool of water.
-Stop
-Look
"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -Mother Teresa
Differing Speech & Thought Rate:
-Listen
Ambush Listening: Person who is overly critical and judgmental when listening to others, Although the ambush listener may look as if she or she is listening, in reality this type of listener is waiting to critique the speaker for variety of reasons.
The gap between speech rate and thought rate gives us an opportunity to side-process any number of thoughts that can be distracting from a more important message.
Emotional Noise: Occurs when emotional arousal interferes with communication effectiveness
1. Self-Absorption- Become Aware of the self-focus and shift attention
2. Unchecked Emotions- Use self-talk to manage emotions
3. Criticism- Focus on the message, not messenger
4. Differing Speech & Though Rate- Use time difference between speech & thought rate to mentally summarize the message.
5. Information Overload-Realize when you & your partner is tired and not ready to listen
6. External Noise-Take charge of listening environment by eliminating distractions
7. Listener Apprehension-Concentrate on the message
The key to improving your confirmation skills is knowing the difference between confirming and disconfirming responses
1) Direct acknowledgment
2) Agreement about judgments
3) Supportive response
4) Clarifying response
5) Expression of positive feeling
6) Compliment
1) Irrelevant response
2) Interrupting response
3) Impervious response
4) Tangenital response
5) Impersonal response
6) Incoherent response
7) Incongruous response
-verify what the speaker is "feeling"
-offer positive, sincere, supportive messages
-social support is different than expressing pity
1) Don't say you know exactly ow they feel
2)Don't criticize; no judgmental comments
3)Don't immediately offer advice
4)Don't tell them to "not worry" or "the worst is over" or "it's no big deal"
5) Don't blame them
Relational: focus on emotions and feelings that are being communicated
Analytical: listen to all sides before making a judgement
Critical: listen to facts, look for inconsistencies
Task Oriented: look at overall message to see what needs to be done
1. Selecting
2. Attending
3. Understanding
4. Remembering
5. Responding