SINHALESE FAMILIES

SINHALESE FAMILIES

bY. aMANDA AND RHODA

A LITTLE BIT OF HISTORY...

• The Sinhalese people are a Indo-Aryan group native to Sri Lanka, co-existing on the island with 3 other people who migrated from other parts of the world: the Burgher (Portugal), the Tamil ( S. India) and the Moors.

• Sinhalese people constitute of 75% of the 15 million population
• They are mostly Buddhists; a small percentage being Roman Catholic.
• They are known for their stone sculptures and inscriptions, dance, folk culture, cusine and unique language/writing.

Fun Fact: Sinhala in Sanskrit means "Heart of Lions"

Sinhalese values are quite different than Western values:

From a young age, children are taught that school is their #1 priority, after family. People who stray away from their education are seen to forfeit their future and are seen as an embarrassment to the family. A 'social life' isn't valued.

It is the norm for children to attend tutoring after school to reinforce their school studies. Education is valued much more now than in the past.

Sinhala culture is heavily influenced by Theravada Buddhist traditions and beliefs. Both children and parents are expected to follow Buddhist values and expectations: ex. refraining from crime, jealousy/greed.

Buddhism also encourages it's followers to live a life of moderation.

Family variations by class:

Low (small villages or slums)-

• Children aren't able to attend to schools (all require tuition) so they stay at home with their mother
• Father earns the money through pursuing various small jobs such as selling food and other homemade items.

Middle-

• Children are expected to attain a good education so that they can achieve better for them and their parents and gain a higher social status
• Expected to have the utmost respect for their teachers/parents for they are their providers.
• Social status is determined by your career; either one or two parents will work to support their children's social development.

Intimate Relationships

High (property/business owners/government officials)-

• Often targeted for their wealth: for their benefit/protection, children are to attend the top schools in the high districts of Colombo (Capital)
• Women are to be 'trophy wives' while housekeepers and cooks do the work for them. These jobs pay much less then they would in Canada.
• These couples are usually paired by their parents on the basis of family name/wealth/education.

Prime Minister Rajapakse

Mate Selection-

• In the past, arranged marriages were very common: men were expected to marry a girl who would provide him with children (evolution theory), is a virgin, and shares the same social, religious beliefs. Polygamy was accepted if men had the means to.
• Today, families expect the same from the female, but courtship is different. A 'market experience' is acceptable for men to find the right woman, but a double standard exists: women are not to date/have premarital sex, but men are rewarded for it.
• Traditionally, a man would ask for permission from a girl's parents to pursue her. If his request was accepted they would be arranged to meet with supervision. It is most likely this came from European tradition. However, Western influences brought along dating, and hooking up.

Script Theory- the script for dating for Sinhala youth

• Both parties are to maintain decent behaviour towards one another and refrain from sexual activity: as Buddhism dictates
• Their activities are to be either monitored or approved by the family of the female; the male is to introduce himself and his parents to them and gain their trust
• The individual's family/social status will determine if they accept each other or not
• Dating without parental approval is seen as mischievous: the girl is seen as "loose" due to women's societal expectations
• After a decent time of successful dating, the families will urge the two to get married

The 21st century mate selection as well as Murstein's Filter Theory don't neccessarily relate to traditional Sinhala courtship.

All:

• Pay utmost respect to their parents/teachers/elders
• Maintain their "clean" image just as the other classes as dictated by their society. Premarital sex is a taboo
• Marry within their class; or else they are shunned and their family looked down upon.
• Carry out the same social rules; however one's location, economic status, family lineage, and education might cause them to stray and follow Western values instead. The "American way" is the goal for many people, but they are seen as deviants by older generations.

Once a man finds the woman he feels would make a good wife, he is to ask for her parent's blessing as well as his own. The two families will discuss arrangements as to dowry (property or money brought by a bride to her husband).

Traditional Sinhala weddings:

Factors that can change the family dynamic:

The engagement ceremony is generally a blend of Western party and Buddhist religious traditions. The wedding itself is a ceremony containing traditions that have been passed down for centuries.

• infidelity
• physical/emotional abuse
• lying/deceptions
• neglect
• lack of structure
• substance abuse (alcohol abuse is very common for Sinhalese men for drinking in a social setting is common/mandatory)
• loss of a child
• loss of work/finances
• lack of time
• not completing roles effectively

1. The centerpiece of the Sinhala wedding is the Poruwa, a platform with a silk umbrella where the couple stands under: man to the left, woman to the right. Before the British formally created registered marriages in the 1870s, the Poruwa Ceremony was considered a recognized marriage agreement in Sri Lanka. The bride must wear white or gold to symbolize purity (a Buddhist belief).

2. The couple greet each other with their palms together, a sign of blessings and mutual respect. There is no priest, rather a designated lay person to give a gift of betel leaves to them; only for them to hand it back as an offering to Lord Buddha.

3. The couple is handed a tray of seven betel leaves, a coin on each. The couple takes turns placing it on the floor, honoring seven generations of family on both sides.

4. The groom is handed a custom-made gold necklace by his brother so that he can put it on the brides neck. The brides uncle then ties the couples pinkys together and poured holy water over their fingers. The droplets touching the ground it the lasting witnesses to the union. He then walks the couple three times clockwise on the platform.

5. The couple hands each other's mother-in-law a white saree to show gratitude for having and raising their future partner.

6. The bride's mother gives the couple a fried pastry; the bride feeds this to her then the groom. A prayer is said then they break a coconut in half for blessings.

7. It ends with the lighting of an oil lamp together; symbolizing the eternal flame lit in their hearts for each other.

8. This ceremony is sometimes followed by a Western-style reception.

Roles in the relationship:

Both

Woman

Man

(exhange theory)

• Emotionally expressive role (support/nurture)

• Goal-oriented instrument role (providing)

• Be faithful and committed to each other- when one cannot fulfill a role the other is to step up and take up that role

• Has very little say and is expected to follow his commands

• Men have the authority and makes the decisions for their best interest; not for selfish reasons

• Share each other's time, love, feelings and plans

• Discipline children when needed to reinforce good behaviour

• Fulfill physical/emotional needs of each other

• Fulfill the tasks of cooking and cleaning

• Tend to what the woman is not able to (ex. home hardware jobs)

• Only expected to provide him with children. If it is neccessary, they are able to work. Women with degrees hire nannies to fulfill this role.

These roles are dictated by cultural/social tradition and can vary by social class. The lower the class the more dependent the woman is on the male. Today, younger couples are trying out how well companionate relationships (equal/interdependant) are working out.

Parent/Child Relationship:

• The mother has the responsibility of care giving for the children. If circumstances prevent her from doing so, another female member on either side will take over for her; living in the house. Wealthy families have the option of hiring a nanny, but prefer someone related to them.
• The children are expected by Buddhist tradition to love and respect their parents: before they leave their presence they are to bow to them. They are expected to bow down to all adults in their life, also monks.

Roles of Children

These roles derive from Sinhala/Buddhist traditions and generally remain the same for lower classes. Higher classes are more attracted to Western traditions and may chose to follow them instead.

The parent-child relationship can be affected by children wanting more freedom from parents, for it is believed freedom makes children out of control. Recreational dating isn't accepted and premartial sex is a taboo. It can lead to shunning from the family.

In old age, it is the individual's child's responsibility to take care of them: joining their conjugal family. Retirement homes do not exist in Sri Lanka. This is a key part of why Sinhala couples have children.

• Systems theory would explain the family as in inter-dependent unit where all members depend on each other for emotional and financial support.
• Functionalism would state that the family's interdependence contributes to society's stability and functioning as a whole for families are the basic unity of society.
• Exchange theory would suggest that children exchange their love, time, energy and cooperation for financial resources.
• However, symbolic interactionism would decline pre-existing family roles and rather suggest that these roles are developed through the events that happened in the parents life and how they interpreted them (ex. woman never got to see her mother because she worked so she decided to be a stay at home mom and be with the kids).

Before, females were seen as a burden to families for they couldn't contribute to the family income.

In lower classes females often don't have the opportunity to attend schools so they instead help the mother in her household duties. In higher classes, they are expected to gain a good education and a good career. Both classes are to learn from young how to be a good wife/mother. They can legally marry at 18.

Boys are supposed to act as a "secondary father" and take on designated 'male' roles when the father isn't around. If the father works from home he is expected to help him. He is responsible for his siblings, especially his sisters. He is often an asset to the family, and is expected to help them even after marriage. The legal marriage age for them are 18.

Middle/Later Life:

After the launching stage of the Family Life Cycle, the couple is still expected to maintain the same relationship with their original family as they do with their conjugal family. They must also tend to distant relatives.

However, children who were raised by people other than their parents (but still grew in their house) may feel less obligated towards them, but are still expected to respect them.

The family is everlasting and seen as your #1 priority no matter the circumstances. All actions are to be done in the interest of the family (ex. Attaining a good career in order to raise the social status of the family as well as support them financially).

P.M Rajapakse paying respect to father: bowing is a Buddhist tradition

TRENDS/ISSUES IN SINHALESE FAMILIES TODAY:

Because Sinhala tradition derives from Buddhism and the religion has the same everlasting foundation/principles, Sinhala culture/social expectations of the family ceases to change.

This means change isn't taken very well and can result on being looked down upon/ seeming to "loose face".

Divorce was seen as unacceptable; divorced women are seen as used and not wanted.

According to Sri Lanka Census records, only 0.1 of people are divorced, 0.1 legally separated, and 0.5% not legally seperated.

According to dependency ratios, 62% of dependents are in the age groups of 15-59, which might suggest people are getting married later (maybe due to higher expectations or different strategies of finding a partner in use). 14.3% of dependents are over 60, showing that the tradition of joining your children at old age is still used.

The concepts privacy and solitude seemed to be a "Western thing" due to extended family groupings, tight knit villages/communities, and Buddhist etiquette. However, today families take more precaution and implement security systems or watch dogs to protect themselves/their home. This shows that people may not trust beyond their own immediate family rather than before.

Systems theory would explain that the immediate family unit doesn't need people other than each other to function.

Works cited

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from https://www.srilankatravelandtourism.com/srilanka/culture/culture.php

Population Characteristics. (n.d.). Retrieved May 27, 2017,

from http://www.statistics.gov.lk/PopHouSat/Pop_Chra.asp

Sri Lanka. (n.d.). Retrieved May 27,

from http://www.everyculture.com/Sa-Th/Sri-Lanka.html

Sri Lanka. (n.d.). Retrieved May 28, 2017, from http://lanka.net/culture.html

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from https://www.roughguides.com/destinations/asia/sri-lanka/