Victorian Etiquette for Gentlemen

Respect

Gentlemen ensure that they do not have a clash of opinions with others but strive to maintain a respectable and likeable reputation.

Conservations

Men were expected to keep eyes on all company, ensuring that he sustains his gentleness, mercifulness, and tenderness despite others' actions or reputation. "Gentleman were not meant to think too much of himself, so may often chose not to bring matters concerning himself up in the day to day conversation. Even if he was insulted by slander or gossip, this would still not spur him on to defend his reputation by a few rumors." (Stelin, James)

Dress

Appearance remained of the utmost importance. The outwards appearance was thought to reflect internal morals and aspiration.

Full dress in Victorian times required:

• Black dress coat with a full collar and broad lapels which would be turned down low
• Knee-length coat paired with a white vest
• Black pantaloon-style trousers (generally made of doeskin)

Charles Dickens' Accuracy

Male Appearance

• Mornings:
• Frock coats
• Double-breasted waist coats
• Trousers of light or dark colors (depending on the season)

• Evenings:
• All black clothing
• A black cravat can be worn with full dress, but a white one is more elegant

Social standards for clothing

• Take off hats when in a building

• Wearing gloves outside and for occasions, but take off when eating
• White/cream colored worn in the evening
• Gray/dark colored worn during the day

• Lifting hat to ladies as a greeting
• Nod or touch of the hat to gentlemen

Acquaintances

• When meeting an acquaintance, it is never acceptable to simply nod and touch your hat
• Politeness demands that a man should always lift his hat from his head

• When greeting a lady in this manner, always lift your hat with the hand that is furthest away from her
• Should you be on horseback, always dismount before talking to a lady who is on foot
• It is not polite to force her to look up to converse

Social Standards in the Presence of a Lady

• When a lady enters, stand

• When a lady stands, stand

• If there isn't a seat available to a lady then offer yours

• Open doors for ladies

• Offer to escort

• Pick up dropped items

Charles Dickens' Accuracy

What Not To Do

• Refer to someone by their first name in public

• Curse or discuss "impolite" topics around ladies (avoid topics such as politics, science, or commerce

• Leave a lady unattended
• Without their permission

• Use tabacco around ladies

• Greet a lady in public
• Unless she greets you first

Ballroom Guide

• No gentleman should ask a lady to dance unless he has previously met her acquaintance
• An introduction can be arranged through the Master of Ceremonies or through the lady of the house or a member of her family

• No gentleman should attend a ball unless he can dance
• A gentleman should escort his last partner to supper, wait on her there, and afterwards escort her back to the ballroom.

• Depart as quietly as possible so as not to let others see your departure
• Should you meet your hostess on the way, take your leave of her discreetly, however do not seek her out for the purpose.

Conversation

• Men were larger in size and more powerful in position, so it was their duty as gentlemen to treat women with respect
• The status of the woman was of no importance
• The lowliest of servants were treated in the same manner as the grandest ladies

• "Women-all women, of whatever age or condition-claim his respectful care and tender and reverential regard." -- Eliza Bisbee Duffey

Arguments

• A true Victorian gentlemen was always expected to contorl his tempter and moderate tone
• "Exhibitions of excitement, impatience, or anger in the presence of ladies are a disrespect, no matter what may have happened." -- Hand-Book of Official and Social Etiquette and Public Ceremonidals at Washington by Hartley

• Added incentive to maintain order: "If you are ever tempted to speak against a woman, think first-'suppose she were my sister!"
• Men who verbally attacked women were seen as cowards

Charles Dickens' Accuracy