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Relational Transgressions Seminar
20
Responses to
Relational Transgressions
Seminar
Markus, Beatrice, Mackenzie, and Katelyn
Contents
- Transgressions
- Family Transgressions
- Infidelity
- Forgiveness
- Personalities
- Forgiveness Scale
- Theories Jeopardy
Relational Transgressions
Events, actions, and behaviors that violate an implicit or explicit relationship norm or rule. (pg.246)
Boook
Definition
Hurtful events
1. Active Disassociation (explicit rejection)
2. Passive Disassociation (being ignored)
3. Criticism
4. Betrayal
5. Teasing
6. Feeling unappreciated, used, or taken for granted
Degree of Trangressions
Minor vs Significant:
In small doses, transgressions can be beneficial.
- Small amounts of jealousy can be a sign of affection.
- A little distance can air things out and create more desire.
- A little anger can be the idea that something needs to change.
Deliberate vs Unintentional:
Most common transgressions are not intentional, although there are many cases in which transgressions are intentional.
- For example:
- saying a rude or unnecessary comments in an argument to hurt someone's feelings.
- Infidelity is planned beforehand
- (not always, drunk kiss for example.
Family Transgressions Disscusion
Family
1. list of values that are important within a family context, such as honesty
respect
trust
loyalty
forgiveness
responsibility
2. rank the values in order of importance to their family.
3. Once the values have been ranked, pretend a family memeber broke one of these values.
For example, if honesty is ranked as the most important value, the scenario could involve a family member lying or being dishonest about something.
4. how it might impact the family dynamic?
Intimate Relationships
Infidelity Game!!
1. Thumbs up thumbs down cheating edition!
2. Ready. Go!
Intimate
Your partner text someone else and hides it from you
Your partner is having inappropriate communications online
Your partner has a best friend of the opposite sex that you have clearly stated that it makes you uncomfortable, but they continue to disregard your boundaries.
Your partner watches porn
Your partner kisses someone else
your partner has a Secret relationshsip. subscription to a an "only fans", sugar baby, and so on.
Your partner goes to a strip club
Your partner has someone they call their "work husband" or "work wife"
Your partner is secretly on dating apps
healthy ways to deal with family and intimate transgressions
Empathy and Forgiveness
Try to put yourself in the shoes of the person who committed the transgression and understand their motivations and circumstances. Encourage forgiveness and work towards rebuilding trust within the family or intimate relationship.
Practice empathy and forgiveness
Communicate
Communicate openly
communicate openly and honestly with each other about the transgression and how it has impacted the family or partner. Encourage all family members or partner to share their perspectives and feelings in a safe and respectful environment.
Boundaries
Set boundaries
Necessary to set boundaries to ensure that the transgression does not continue to harm the family or relationship. This could involve establishing new rules or guidelines for behavior.
SUPPORT
Seek support
seek support from outside the family or relationship, such as a therapist, counselor, or support group. These resources can provide additional guidance and support in dealing with the transgression and its impact on the family and relationship
Self Care
Practice self-care
Dealing with transgressions in a family dynamic or intimate relationship can be emotionally draining. Practice self-care and take care of your own emotional and mental health. This could involve activities such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with supportive friends or family members.
LEAVE !!!
LEAVE
Forgiveness
Think About it:
We Only Forgive Because of a Transgression
Personality Types That are More Likely to Forgive
- Agreeableness: tend to be more cooperative, empathic, and compassionate, which may make them more forgiving.
- Conscientiousness: more responsible, reliable, and organized, which may make them more likely to forgive in order to maintain harmonious relationships
- Emotional stability: less likely to experience negative emotions such as anger, anxiety, and depression, which may facilitate forgiveness.
Personality Types That are More Likely to not forgive
- Narcissism: less likely to forgive because they tend to prioritize their own interests and seek revenge when they feel wronged.
- Psychopathy: lack empathy and remorse, which may make it difficult for them to understand the perspectives of others and forgive transgressions.
- Hostility: tend to be cynical, mistrustful, and prone to anger and aggression, which may make them less likely to forgive transgressors.
Bolton Forgiveness Scale (BFS): Directions: In life, negative things may occur causing pain and hurt to us. How are you most likely to react to them. Next to each of the following statements, kindly indicate on the scale of 1 - 6 how you would typically respond to the type of situation described. There are no right or wrong answers. Please be as open as possible in your answers.
1. Coming to terms and letting go = add up items 1,3,6,9,11,13 & 15 = 42 (highest score). 28 – 35 are high scores, 22 – 27 are good scores, less than 21 is low and poor
2. Developing positive feelinG = add up items 2,4,7,10 & 14 = 30 (highest score) 18 – 23 are high scores, less than 13 are low and poor.
3.Giving benefit of doubt= add up items 5, 8 & 12 = 18 (highest scores) more than 12 is very good, less than 9 is low and poor.
4. add up all the 15 items = 90 (highest score). Score less than 45 is poor, 45 – 58 is good, 59 – 70 is very good and 70 and above is excellent (exceptionally forgiving)
THEORIES
- Self-Expansion Theory
- Social Learning Theory
- Cognitive Dissonance Theory
Understanding these theories can help you understand yourself and help you develope better relationships. Understanding these will also help minimize trangressions in your relationships
- Attachmnt Theory
- Social Exchange Theory
Lets play Theory jeapordy!
jeopardy
Get into your groups and the winner gets a prize
https://jeopardylabs.com/play/theories-362
As we know transgressions can be inevitable, we hope this presentation helped you to better understand them and how to better deal with them. Aslong with forgiving others. We also hope this will help in your future relationships and help you better understand yourseleves
THANK YOU!!!
Credits
Strelan, P., & Sutton, R. M. (2013). Narcissism, forgiveness, and interpersonal relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 105(1), 175-192.
McCullough, M. E., Kurzban, R., & Tabak, B. A. (2013). Evolved mechanisms for revenge and forgiveness. In Oxford handbook of evolutionary psychology (pp. 303-315). Oxford University Press.
McNulty, J. K. (2011, June). The dark side of forgiveness: The tendency to forgive predicts continued psychological and physical aggression in marriage. Personality & social psychology bulletin. Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4112745/
Shafa, S., Harinck, F., & Ellemers, N. (2017). Sorry seems to be the hardest word: Cultural differences in apologizing effectively. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 47(10), 553–567. https://doi-org.easydb.angelo.edu/10.1111/jasp.12460
Pickens, J. C., & Whiting, J. B. (2019). Tech talk: Analyzing the negotiations and rules around technology use in intimate relationships. Contemporary Family Therapy, 42(2), 175–189. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10591-019-09522-9
Campbell, E. C., & Murray, C. E. (2015). Measuring the impact of technology on couple relationships: The development of the technology and intimate relationship assessment. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 14(3), 254–276. https://doi.org/10.1080/15332691.2014.953657
Norton, A. M., Baptist, J., & Hogan, B. (2017). Computer-mediated communication in intimate relationships: Associations of boundary crossing, intrusion, Relationship Satisfaction, and partner responsiveness. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 44(1), 165–182. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12246
Mcleod, S. (2023, February 8). Attachment theory: Bowlby and Ainsworth's theory explained. Simply Psychology. Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://simplypsychology.org/attachment.html
Administrator. (2016, January 19). Self-expansion theory in social psychology - iresearchnet. Psychology. Retrieved March 22, 2023, from http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-psychology-theories/self-expansion-theory/
What is social exchange theory? Tulane School of Social Work. (2022, September 15). Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://socialwork.tulane.edu/blog/social-exchange-theory/
Cherry, K. (2022, November 7). Cognitive dissonance and ways to resolve it. Verywell Mind. Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-dissonance-2795012
Mcleod, S. (2023, February 16). Albert Bandura's social learning theory. Simply Psychology. Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://simplypsychology.org/bandura.html
To forgive, or forgo? 16Personalities. (n.d.). Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://www.16personalities.com/articles/to-forgive-or-forgo
Technoference: How Technology Can Hurt relationships. Institute for Family Studies. (n.d.). Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://ifstudies.org/blog/technoference-how-technology-can-hurt-relationships
McDaniel, B. T., & Drouin, M. (2019, October). Daily Technology Interruptions and emotional and relational well-being. Computers in human behavior. Retrieved March 22, 2023, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7430699/
Amanze, R. U., and Carson, J. (2019) Measuring forgiveness: psychometric properties of a new culturally sensitive questionnaire: the Bolton Forgiveness Scale (BFS). Mental Health, Religion & Culture, 22(10), 994–1010. doi:10.1080/13674676.2020.1716211