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By Madison Allaire
This quote from Offred, the main character of the book, tells us who she is at the present time. Even though this quote is not at the beginning of the book as Offred has flash backs between past and present time. This quote gives the reader insight into who Offred is presently.
Offred is living in a dystopian society, and has no control over her life, because she is of child bearing age she has been trained to become a handmaid. Her life as she knew it was taken away from her ( her family, her job, her home, etc...). Offred and many other women were put into homes and trained to be Handmaids. A Handmaid is a woman who is expected to bear children.
"I am thirty-three years old. I have brown hair, I stand five seven without shoes. I have trouble remembering what I used to look like. I have viable ovaries. I have one more chance."
- Offred pg 166
"I know I need to take it seriously, this desire of his. It could be important, it could be a passport, it could be my downfall. I need to be earnest about it. I need to ponder it. But no matter what I do, sitting in the dark, with the searchlights illuminating the oblong of my window, from outside, through the curtains gauzy as a bridal dress, as ectoplasm, one of my hands holding the other, rocking back and forth a little, no matter what I do there's something hilarious about it.
He wanted me to play scrabble with him, and kiss him as if I meant it.
This is one of the most bizarre things that's happend to me ever."
- Offred pg 166
At this point in Offfred's story the Commander has offered her secret visits with him. At first she is unsure about what these visits are to mean (what will he expect from her?) and if it worth the danger it could put her in if she is caught, as it is against the rules for her to meet with him outside the monthly "ceremony". After the first meeting she learns he only wants a compainion and someone to talk to (to play scrabble with). These meetings give her a sense of power as she realizes she is able to ask the Commander for things in return (hand lotion, magazines, information). The meetings also give her something to look forward to and also helps put in time, rather than just sitting in her room alone all the time. This little bit of freedom and power is the beginning of her to becoming more of a risk taker.
"We walk, heads bent as usual. I'm so excited I can hardly breathe, but I keep a steady pace. Now more than ever I must avoid drawing attention to myself.
'I thought you were a true beleiver,' Ofglen says. 'I thought you were,' I say. 'You were always so stinking pious.' 'So were you,' I reply. I want to laugh, shout, hug her. 'You can join us,' she says. 'Us?' I say. There is an us then, there's a we. I knew it. 'You didn't think I was the only one,' she says. I didn't think that. It occurs to me that she may be a spy, a plant, set to trap me; such is the soil in which we grow. But I can believe it; hope is rising in me, like sap in a tree. Blood in a wound. We have made an opening."
- Offred pg 194
The meetings with the Commander has given Offred a small sense of power and a small increase of confidence. It allows offred to reach out to Ofglen and the two women realize they are of the same mind and can confide in each other. This is when Ofglen tells Offred about the others that are trying to get out of the Dystopian society, the reader can only assume that this is a resistive group.
The meetings with the Commander also allow her to see the softer side of the commander and to view him as a real human being with feelings. It also leads the Commander to taking Offred out to a secret club one evening.
"I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilized. I wish it showed me in a better light, if not happier, then at least more active, less hesitant, less distracted by trivia. I wish it had more shape. I wish it were out of love, or about sudden realizations important to one's life, or even about sunsets, birds, rainstorms, or snow.
Maybe it is about those things, in a sense; but in the meantime there is so much else gettting in the way; so much wisperings, so much speculation about others, so much gossip that cannot be verified, so many unsaid words, so much creeping about and secrecy. And there is so much time to be endured, time heavy as fried food or thick fog; and then all at once these red events, like explosions, on streets otherwise decorous and matronly and somnambulant.
I'm sorry there is so much pain in this story. I'm sorry it's in fragments, like a body caught in crossfire or pulled apart by force. But there is nothing I can do to change it.
-Offred pg 307
Offred is the main character of the novel and the entire book is about her life, past and present through flashbacks. The flashbacks give the reader knowledge of what her life was like before becoming a Handmaid, when she had complete freedom and independence. The quote talks about the isolation and sadness she endures. Throughout the book she contemplates suicide as some handmaids have done before her and also lives with the fear of becoming an "unwoman" but I believe it is her desire to find her family that keeps her going and to have hope they will be reunited someday.
Bouson, J. Brooks. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Salem Press, 2010.