Chapter 3: Attraction

Convenience

Convenience: proximity is rewarding and distance is costly

• partners nearby can provide greater benefits at lesser cost than distant partners

Title

Convenience

Eye Contact

Men:

imagine you enter a bar and notice a man from across the room staring at you intensely.

As he approaches, eyes still fixed on you, you assume he is likely going to ___ ?

Ladies:

imagine you enter a bar and notice a man from across the room staring at you intensely.

As he approaches, eyes still fixed on you, you assume he is likely going to ___ ?

With animals, intense eye contact…

• Usually signals aggression
• Can sometimes signal interest

With humans, intense eye contact…

• Usually signals interest or aggression, much like animals
• Signal typically depends on the context of the situation

Eye Contact

Emotional Expressiveness

• Those high in emotional expressiveness are typically perceived as more attractive

• Expressiveness can also indicate the difference between romantic couples and platonic friendships

Expressiveness

Facial Features

Men with strong jaws and broad foreheads seem appealing when women are fertile (ovulating)…

Cross cultural research:

• Around the world, women are more attractive when they combine “baby-faced” features such as large eyes, a small nose, and full lips with signs of maturity such as prominent cheekbones, narrow cheeks, and a broad smile.

Faces

...but women prefer warmer, more youthful features during the rest of the month.

Waist-to-Hip Ratio

A woman’s body is most attractive when has a WHR of 0.7, giving an “hourglass” figure.

A WHR of 0.9 is attractive in men, but WHR matters only if financially sound. Seen as less attractive if lacking resources.

Others Factors

Bodies

Height - both men and women prefer man to be taller

Smell - symmetrical people smell better

Hair - men prefer women with longer hair

Intelligence - women prefer smart men

Red - both men and women find opposite sex strangers wearing red to be more attractive and sexually appealing

Demo

What is Beautiful is Good

Also confuse beauty with talent...

• Attractive people earn higher salaries
• Attractive professors get better evaluations
• Attractive criminals receive more lenient sentences

Beautiful = Good

What is Ugly is Bad

Ugly = Bad

Belief that unattractive people possess negative traits

• Bias typically begins early in life
• wicked witch vs. fairy godmother
• Modern reversal of stereotype: “Shrek”
• ugly ogre = good
• beautiful fairy godmother = bad

3 Ways

Reciprocity

Desirability = Physical Attractiveness X Χ Probability of Acceptance

Reciprocity

• Pursue partners who are likely to reciprocate interest.
• Not likely to pursue attractive partner if think there’s little chance they'll like us in return.

• Expectations of acceptance influenced by one's mate value: perceived attractiveness as a reproductive partner
• People with high mate values are highly sought by others
• As a result, they’re able to insist on partners of high quality.

Symmetry

Balance theory states we prefer consistency and symmetry in relationships

• like those who like us
• dislike those who dislike us

Symmetry

Influencing Factors

Factors that might influence one’s response

• Social Learning Theory
• Anticipated rewards and costs
• Social and operant conditioning

Operant Conditioning

Factors

Example

Evidence

Criticisms

Evolutionary Theory implies that...

• women offer beauty and seek wealth (gold diggers)
• men offer wealth and seek beauty (trophy wife)

Critiques

Fatal Attractions

Fatal Attractions

When do opposites attract?

• Typically during initial stages

Fatal Attraction: something initially liked gradually becomes disliked

• Usually occurs after a breakup
• Likely to happen when a partner is:
• Very dissimilar
• Unique or different from average
• Different from normative gender role

Opposing Factors

Overriding factors for attraction:

• When someone likes you, you like in return, even if don’t share same beliefs
• When someone dislikes you, you dislike in return, even if share similar beliefs
• May prefer a partner we’d like to become over one who resembles who we are now

Opposing Factors

Consequences of Similarity

Potential consequences of similarity:

• May lead to envy and/or competition
• May lead to increased levels of dislike

Dissimilarity may decrease over time:

• Shared experiences and a quest for compatibility can make partners more similar over time
• Opposites don’t usually attract, but some opposites may gradually fade if a couple stays together for some other reason

Other Factors

Matching

• People pair off with others of similar mate value, but the specific assets they offer each other may be very different.
• Around the world, it’s common for men with status and money to pair off with young, beautiful women even when the men are not handsome.

Around the world, women care more about their partners’ financial prospects than men do, and the exchange of feminine youth and beauty for masculine status and resources is commonplace.

Other Factors

Complementarity

Complementarity

• One way “opposites” may attract
• Partners occasionally “fit together” better when they behave differently, or compliment each other
• Most complementary behavior is similar behavior, with partners desiring the same goals and working together to attain them

Complementarity

Online Attraction

How are online exchanges different from real-time?

• Lack non-verbal information and context; i.e., body language, eye contact, expressive gestures, etc.
• Exchanges escalate more quickly; disclosure occurs rapidly, people express less caution and more directness

Online Attraction

Online Relationships

How are online relationships different from real world relationships?

• Greater anonymity
• freedom to say things without consequence (lack of accountability)
• Lack of genuine assessment
• Are you presenting your genuine self?
• Are you assessing your partner as they actually are?

Long Distance Relationships

Can long-distance (or internet) relationships work?

• Yes, but usually require about 3 times longer to fully know someone
• IRL recommended to date for about 2-3 years before marriage, long distance 4-6 years
• Need time to observe partner in various life situations, i.e., death, sickness, stress

Long Distance Relationships

Commitment Theories

Interdependence:

I’m a teenage bride with two kids, I could never leave my husband, we need him to survive!

I’m a young guy with a promising future and I can support myself, I don’t need to put up with this drama!

Investment:

Initially, I wasn’t that trilled about you, but I dumped someone I loved to be with you, spent my life savings on you, and stayed with you for 5 years.

I guess that means we should get married, otherwise it was all for nothing.

Theories

Investment Model

• Proposes one’s level of investment is in proportion to one’s level of commitment
• How might cognitive dissonance play a role?

Interdependence Theory

• Commitment is based on one’s level of dependence
• Mutual dependence equates to a mutual level of commitment

Short-Term

Both men and women are less selective when they’re picking a partner for a casual fling than for a lasting union.

Short-Term

Long-Term

Long-Term

For long-term mating:

• Men insist on moderate attractiveness, but they want all the warmth, honesty, humor, and intelligence they can get.
• Women insist on moderate status and resources, but they want all the warmth, honesty, humor, and intelligence they can get.
• Everybody wants partners who are agreeable, loving, and kind

Courtship Theories

Theories

Compatibility Model

• Based on how well partners get along

Sequential Filtering Model

• Stimulus Stage (attractiveness)
• Value Stage (values/beliefs)
• Final Stage (compatibility)

Interpersonal Process Model

• Based on how partner characteristics and environmental forces interact and change over time
• May involve identifying significant events and/or turning points in a relationship

Types of Courtship

Prolonged

• “We’ve been engaged for 10 years.”

Accelerated

• “It was love at first sight!”

Intermediate

• “We love each other, but we want to take time to get to know one another. We plan on marrying in a couple of years.”

Types

False Love

False Love

• Extent to which one fragments a relationship
• Typically produces a “false” love relationship

False Love

Optimistic Outlook

Optimism

Positive framing can increase relationship quality if realistic

• Your partner has a shortcoming (sloppiness). You chose to view some aspect of it as a virtue: they are fun loving and carefree.

Excessive relationship optimism can lead to unrealistic expectations

• You believe your partner is a saint
• Once their bad habits arise, you are disappointed

Positive Illusions

Positive beliefs shared about one another

• Beliefs may or may not be based in reality
• Help us to live happily with less than perfect others, e.g., “You are so cute when you slurp your soup!” vs. “Why can’t you eat normally?!”

However, extremely positive illusions can become problematic

• E.g., “My partner is kind enough not to hit my face when he/she beats me.”

Positive Illusions

Reactance

• May want partner more if threatened with losing them
• Romeo and Juliet effect: the more parents interfere with romances, the more love teenagers feel for their partners

Reactance

Closing Time

Potential partners get more attractive at closing time.

• As the end of a night approaches, unattached bar patrons consider the remaining members of the other sex to be more attractive than they seemed to be earlier.

Closing Time