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'Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.' - Jesus, Matthew 5:9
'...but I tell you, love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you...' - Jesus, Matthew 5:43-47
Reconciliation (restoration of relationship) as a primary purpose of God's mission through Jesus: 2 Corinthians 5:16-21
'Peace Faking'
Denial
Flight
Suicide
Personal Peacemaking
Assisted Peacemaking
Graciously Overlook
Mediation
Adjudication
Reconciliation
Negotiation
Accountability
'Peace-breaking'
Assault
Litigation
Murder
Negotiation is about working out material issues, but relationships are still important!
Before a face to face negotiation, spend some time to P...A...U...S...E...
Prepare
Might include:
Affirm Relationships
Remember, relationships are of primary importance in reconciliation and restorative practice!
Might include:
Understand the other's interests
Work hard to identify others’ concerns, desires, needs, limitations, or fears.
You may find more commone ground than you thought.
St Francis of Assisi: Seek first to understand, then to be understood (taken up by Covey and others)
Philippians 2:3-4
Search for creative solutions
prayerful brainstorming, creative conversation
Evaluate options -
objectively and reasonably
Peacemaking Principles:
Responding to Conflict Biblically
A booklet with a 'toolbox' for conflict response
http://bit.ly/Peacemakerpamphlet
The Peacemaker by Ken Sande
A book with a more thorough background for each of the conflict resolution tools, with questions for personal reflection and practice
Pastor Nathan
has been trained as a 'Peacemakers Conflict Coach' Happy to give conflict coaching (but not to solve your problem!)
Dave Vinegrad (Restorative Practice):
'Face up, Fess up, Fix up, Finished'
Sure, I may have done something wrong. I would happily say I'm 40% responsible.
That means THEY are 60% responsible.
Therefore they are 1.5 times as guilty as I am, so they should take the initiative and apologise first.
Warning: watch out for the 60/40 principle
Jesus: Get the log out of your own eye first (Matthew 7:1-5)
Rock solid accountability!
Confession: taking responsibility for hurt and harm we have caused
A helpful guideline, not a legalistic rule.
Pseudo confessions...
Pseudo apologies... (some examples...)
Confession is not saying 'I'm sorry'
It's saying, 'I did it, it was wrong, and it hurt you in this way.'
Who was harmed? In what way?
What needs to happen to make things right?
"I have hurt you in these ways.
Will you forgive me?"
Not a coercive question.
It may take time for the other to come to the point where they forgive you.
What does it mean to say 'I forgive you'?
How do the 'affective questions' of restorative practice reflect some of the Seven A's? What is missing?
Instigator
What happened?
What were you thinking and feeling when it happened?
Who has been affected?
How have they been affected?
What do you need to do to make it right?
Victim
What happened?
What did you think and feel when it happened?
How have you been affected?
What do you want to happen to make it right?
in the New Testament, usually the Greek word 'aphesis' which has a variety of meanings
but primarily with the sense of 'release'
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” Nelson Mandela
Particularly to release RESENTMENT
or the right to revenge
forgetting
minimizing
allowing harm or abuse to continue
saying the hurt or harm did not happen or 'it's ok'
Forgiveness is not a feeling.
removal of all consequences
Forgiveness is NOT YET reconciliation but it is a STEP on the way to reconciliation
Forgiveness is NOT EASY
Letting go of the 'right' to revenge
Letting go of resentment and bitterness
Forgiveness is a choice, an act of the will
Consciously ceasing to wish harm to the offender
Agreeing to live with the pain of the offence
Forgiveness is primarily for the sake of the victim, not for the sake of the offender
Forgiveness is a step on the way to freedom from trauma/past hurt
Forgiveness is costly
internal, personal
letting go of resentment, anger, and revenge
dependent on REPENTANCE
Luke 17:3-4
ROCK SOLID ACCOUNTABILITY
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Martin Luther King Jr
Again, can never be used as a legalistic set of tick the boxes. This is a guideline.
ruminate on
play over in my mind
rehearse