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PATTERSON | GRENNY | MAXFIELD | MCMILLAN | SWITZLER
To avoid getting into an argument, I tend to put off certain discussions longer than I should.
When others don't deliver on a promise, there are times when I judge their reasons for doing so more quickly than I should.
There are times when I can't figure out how to give others completely honest feedback in a way that won't offend them.
I can't motivate some of the people to change because I don't have enough power to do so.
There are times when I've asked others for their ideas but didn't really need them because I already had a plan of my own.
When people miss a commitment and should have updated me but didn't, I generally let them off the hook—even though they didn't have the courtesy to involve me.
People in my personal and work life think I micromanage them.
We look forward to sharing some tips with you!
Chapter 1: Choose What and If
Chapter 2: Master My Stories
What violation?
1.
Decide if you're going to say anything
2.
1. Your solution doesn’t get you what you really want
2. You're constantly discussing the same issue
3. You are getting increasingly upset
You need to confront the right issue
1. Think CPR: Content, Pattern, Relationship
2. Unbundle: Consider Consequences and Intent
3. Prioritize: Ask What You Do and Don't Want
Helpful Tools:
Unbundled the violation
Picked the issue
Reduce the issue to a clear sentence
You're ready to decide IF!
1. Am I acting out my concerns ?
2. Is my conscience nagging me?
3. Am I choosing the certainty of silence over the risk of speaking up?
4. Am I telling myself that I am helpless?
Setting the tone of the overall climate of the discussion to take place.
Feeling angry, morally superior, and that the other person is guilty
Will ALWAYS end badly!
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
The Fundamental Attribution Error
...as opposed to...
"It is usually better not to deal with issues the first time they occur."
Most people asked will agree with this initial approach.
(Heck, I would as well.)
By Being Silent:
1. You implicitly give approval.
2. You'll be seen as holding them to a different standard.
3.Each additional offense they make will reaffirm your story about their true motives.
(because you allowed the first offense to take place)
You have responsibility for your decision to be silent.
By becoming violent, you "Become Hypocritical, Abusive, and Clinically Stupid."
When abusive individuals succeed, this is IN SPITE of their method, not because of their abuse.
Examples:
Hockey movie "Miracle"— Coach
Music movie "Whiplash" — Jazz Band Director
“Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do that?”
…you’ll usually stop defcon goblin from coming out and going all CRAY-CRAY on other people.
Become Curious
The Eyeball Problem
“You’ve got the eyeballs problem: you’re on the wrong side of them if you want to notice the role you’re playing.”
“Until they see clear alternative pathways to financial well-being, thousands of young men and women will be lost to this social cancer.”
- Crucial Accountability
Showing people with proof why things change as opposed to changing them “because I said so.”
Example: Hospital showing the cost of expensive hospital latex gloves to the employees.
Its about the Facts!
Chapter 3: Describe the Gap
Chapter 4: Make it Motivating
Chapter 5: Make it Easy
Chapter 6: Stay Focused & Flexible
what we expected vs. what we observed
"violated expectations" or "broken commitments"
"the gap"
1. Start with Safety
2. Share Your Path
Master the critical first moments of an accountability discussion:
3. End with a Question
People feel unsafe when they feel one of two things:
1. You don't respect them as human beings (you lack mutual respect)
2. You don't care about their goals (you lack mutual purpose)
1. Start with Safety
The Humanitarian Question:
“Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do that?”
1. Start with Safety
1. Imagine what others might erroneously conclude
2. Immediately explain that this is what you don't mean
3. As a contrasting point; explain what you do mean
1. Start with Safety
"I know you tried your best to improve your grades. I'm satisfied with your effort. Please don't hear me as being less than proud of your progress. I'd just like to share a few study ideas that might help you maintain your grades more easily." pg. 86-87
1. Start with Safety
"If it's ok with you, I'd like to spend a couple minutes talking about how we made that last decision. My goal is to come up with a method we're both comfortable with." pg. 88
1. Start with Safety
2. Share Your Path
NO: "You said"
YES: "I thought we agreed"
NO:"It's clear"
YES: "I was wondering if"
Gently test your assumptions and conclusions
2. Share Your Path
3. End with a Question
"What happened?"
(an honest inquiry, not a veiled threat; your goal is to hear the other person's point of view)
"Chris, I noticed that you missed the meeting you had agreed to attend. I was wondering what happened. Did you run into a problem of some kind?"
Consequences Motivate
people act on the basis of the overall consequence bundle
Explore Natural Consquences
Within a business setting, this typically includes what's happening to stakeholders: employees, customers, shareowners, communities, and regulatory agencies.
Match Method to Circumstances
Explain both what needs to be done and why. When dealing with someone who is pushing back, resist the temptation to revert to power or superficial rewards.
"You've mentioned wanting to be the art director. In my view you will be much more successful in that position—and more likely to get it—if you have a solid working relationship with both the editing staff and the video team."
How to Make Keeping Commitments (Almost) Painless
Ability vs. Motivation
“Start by asking other people for their ideas. They’re closest to the problem; start with their best thinking.” (pg. 148)
What to Do When Others Get Sidetracked, Scream, or Sulk
Restore Safety
Shared Purpose
"Something Came Up”
Chapter 7: Agree on a Plan and Follow Up
Chapter 8: Put It All Together
Chapter 9: The 12 "Yeah-Buts"
What to do after an accountability crucial conversation
Does WHAT
WHO
By WHEN
FOLLOW-up
Take Time to Summarize:
Put follow-up dates and times on computer
Put follow-up times on your agenda
Use sticky notes to remind yourself
Choose What and If
Describe the Gap
Master My Stories
Stay Focused and Flexible
Agree on a Plan and Follow-up
Make it Motivating and Easy
Line cutters:
Have you?
Effective vs Ineffective Positive behavioral changes
Spread the word
Make people accountable!
1. Confronting authority
2. Breaking from the pack
3. Married to a Mime
4. Hearsay
5. Potentially devastating
6. Way out of line and scary
7. Changing your culture
8. Borderline behavior
9. Our plate is overflowing
10. I don’t want to be a nag
11. Our relationship is based solely on problems
12. I don’t think we can change
"What you need is not a bigger hammer but a bigger heart." (pg. 227)
Make It Safe
Humanize the Competing Motivators
When a person has failed to live up to a promise you can:
3. Cope
2. Nag
1. Converse
Learn how to hold others accountable, learn how to bring predictability and trust into an organization, and you'll be counted as one of your company's most valued assets by company leaders.
1. Patterson, Kerry. Crucial Accountability: Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior. McGraw-Hill, 2013.