- Be there, really be there
- Speak with rather than at your teen
- How to have a quality conversation:
1-Maintain eye contact when they speak
2-Don't multitask while listening
3-Listen for feelings
4-Observe body language
5-Refuse to interrupt
6-Ask reflective questions
7-Express understanding
8-Ask permission to share your thoughts or perspectives
"Without focused attention, a teenager experiences increased anxiety, because he feels everything else is more important than he is. He is consequently less secure and becomes impaired in his emotional and psychological growth."
5 Love Languages, Teen Edition
Wednesday, March 20, 2015
Spencer Magleby
By Gary Chapman
Words of Affirmation
Teenagers
- 2 Key elements: Sincerity and Specifics
- When you can't praise results praise efforts
- Negative words hurt deeply
Important Points
Physical Touch
"The teenager's intellectual, emotional, social, moral, and spiritual developments are greatly enhanced if the teenager has significant amounts of emotional love. Conversely, the teen is greatly impaired in all of these areas if the emotional need for love is not met."
- Timing is everything
- Not every teen likes the same types of touching (hugs, kisses, back rubs, pats, arm wrestles)
- "Teenagers need to be touched by parents if they are to feel loved."
- The feelings of running on an empty love tank are terrible.
- Teens have a need for parental closeness
- Provide unconditional love
- Nurture yourself in order to nurture your teen.
- Understand your teens love language
- Find out your teens primary love language by taking the quiz at the back of the book
I have 4 children, 2 are living and 2 are teenagers
Acts of Service
Gifts
Quality Time
"To give your teenager quality time is to give your teenager a portion of your life"
- Not something the teen "deserves"
- Don't just bestow gift but express emotional love
- Presentation means a lot
- Money doesn't count
- Teach teen to work for money
- Give money for specific purpose
- No counterfeit gifts (Gifts that parent thinks takes the place of love, time, and emotional support), often given by busy or divorced parents
- Manipulation is not love
- Making contracts is not an act of service
- Teach teen how to do acts of service
- Feel good about self and self identity
- Greater sense of independence
- What it looks like
- Making special treat on a hard day
- Helping with homework
- Help pick out clothes for school
- Occasionally make a special breakfast