Building Relationships: Part 2

Here are some examples of body language:

Now, grab a partner!

Let's have a chat!

Partner B

Partner A

(2b) You are at work. Please tell your boss that you have accepted a position at another company, so you will be leaving the company in 2 weeks.

(1a) You are a working man/woman who has a large family. You are at work. Your boss wants to talk with you.

- Why do you think body language is important?

- How do you use body language in your daily life?

- How does body language help you to communicate?

- What actions are considered friendly?

- What "new" body language have you seen since coming to your new country? Did those actions confuse you?

- How does eye contact differ between Czech and foreign cultures?

- How can you misinterpret someone's body language?

- Do you try to use body language when you communicate in English?

(3b) You are at work. Your lovely boss has an announcement.

(2a) You are a manager. You are in your office. Your best employee knocks on your door. He/she wants to talk with you.

(4b) The family next to your house has a dog. The dog barks loudly every night, and you can’t sleep. Tell your neighbor to make his dog quiet. Tell him/her that if the dog doesn’t shut up, you’ll do something about it yourself.

(3a) You are a boss. Tell your employees that because of the economic crisis, they will be taking a 20% pay cut. This pay cut actually started last month, but you forgot to tell them. Also, you will need them to come in on the weekends for the next few months, until things get better.

(1b) You are a manager. You have an employee that hasn’t been performing well. He/she is often late. He/she also spends a lot of time checking his/her private emails and strange websites instead of doing work. Yesterday, you caught her/him sleeping at his/her desk. Please fire the employee (in a nice way).

(4a) Your neighbor comes to talk with you about your lovely dog.

Which techniques is this describing?

Research has shown that if you give something to another

person, they almost always feel obliged to return the favour … or

even a much bigger favour. Of course, there’s a limit: you can’t be

too cynical and expect someone to knock 10% off their asking price

just because you’ve bought them a nice coffee. But a little genuine

kindness can go a long way.

Think of the techniques we talked about before:

There’s no doubt that we like people who are like us. In other

words, if we can identify with them and understand them as people,

not just business machines, we’re much more likely to want to do

business with them. In practical terms, there are two sides to this

technique: one is to ask questions to find out about the other

person. But just as importantly, we need to be open about

ourselves, to help the other person to understand us too.

This can go both ways. Firstly, show that you’re treating the other

person as an individual, someone special. That means

remembering their name, and maybe organising something based

on the likes and dislikes they’ve expressed. Secondly, show that

they’re dealing with you as a person, not just your organisation. If

you’re taking them to your favourite restaurant, make sure they

understand that it’s not just an anonymous place to eat, but

something that you’ve chosen personally, which says something

about who you are.

Finding things in common, showing an interest, generosity, gratitude, flattery, personal touches.

Say nice things about the other person or their organisation. If

that person bought you a meal, tell a third person how nice the meal

was and how much you enjoyed the conversation. If you’ve just

arrived in their office, say how nice it is. If you notice a diploma on

the wall, ask about it and make sure you sound impressed when

they tell you. But whatever you do, make sure you sound convincing

– there’s nothing worse than false enthusiasm!

When the other person is talking about himself/herself, we need

to listen carefully and show that we are listening. This means not

just making ‘listening noises’ like ‘I see’ and ‘Really?’, but actually

being interested in the other person. Remember what they are

telling you, so you can bring it up next time you meet (e.g. How’s

your daughter getting on at university?).

Whenever the other person is kind to you, always make sure you

say thank-you. It may seem like a tiny detail, and perhaps an

obvious one, but in fact it can make all the difference. Just imagine

how you’d feel if someone failed to thank you for your own

kindness! And when you say thank-you, don’t just say ‘thank-you’.

Tell them how kind they’ve been and how much you appreciate it.

Alright, let's test it!

Conversation 1:

A: Greet the other person. Apologise for being late.

B: Say something nice about the brochure / the office / something you can see

(e.g. a diploma on the wall)

A: Say something nice about the other person’s organisation.

B: Continue the conversation.

Conversation 2:

A: So, is this your first time in …?

B: Yes→Explain what happened

No, but I have been to …

No, but I’ve heard a lot about it. Isn’t there a …?

A: Continue the conversation.

Conversation 3:

A: Explain your plans for the day’s events. Offer something generous (e.g. a nice meal, some evening entertainment, a symbolic present).

B: Express gratitude.

A: Make person B feel special.

B: Try to return the favour.

A: Continue the conversation.

Great! We're going to review a few phrases before we try roleplaying.

I understand where you're coming from; however,...

I'm prepared to compromise, but...

The way I look at it...

The way I see things...

If you look at it from my point of view...

I'm afraid I had something different in mind.

That's not exactly how I look at it.

From my perspective...

I'd have to disagree with you there.

I'm afraid that doesn't work for me.

Is that your best offer?

I agree with you on that point.

That's a fair suggestion.

So what you're saying is that you...

In other words, you feel that...

You have a strong point there.

I think we can both agree that...

I don't see any problem with/harm in that.

Building Relationships: Part 2