Separate the People from the Problem

Entaglement

Disentangle the relationship from the substance

Deal directly with the people problem

Let me tell you a story...

Emotion

3 Basic Categories to Disentangle People Problems

1. Base relationships on mutually understood perceptions

2. Express emotions without blame

3. Use clear, two-way communications

• Recognize and understand each other's emotions
• Pay attention to core concerns
• Consider the role of identity
• Make emotions explicit and acknowledge them as legitimate
• Allow the other side to let off steam
• Don't react to emotional outbursts
• Use symbolic gestures

When I was a young engineer...

CONCLUSION

Wrong Focus

Communication

Without communication, there is no negotiation.

- Fisher, et al.

Often when there is a problem, the focus is turned to an individual rather than the problem itself.

• Negotiators are people first
• "...human aspect...can either be helpful or disastrous."

GETTING TO

YES!

Ultimately, the problem is the problem, so focus on the problem, and work with the other person to achieve a mutually beneficial solution that vilifies no one.

...you are not dealing with abstract representatives of the other side, but with human beings.

- Fisher, et al.

• Listen and acknowledge
• Speak to be understood
• Speak for purpose

Negotiator Interests

Prevention

Handle people problems before they become people problems

Every negotiator has two kinds of interests:

Perception

Positional bargaining puts relationship and substance in conflict

1. The substance of the negotiation

2. The relationship with the "other side"

Example of the antique dealer...

Is this a contest of wills?

2

1

3

The relationship becomes entangled with the problem

• One may express a problem, and the other may take the statement as a personal attack
• How is information communicated?
• How is information received?
• Unintended inferences treated as facts
• Clarify and confirm
• Having "Crucial Conversations"
• Air Products has a class

When you are making a deal or settling a dispute, differences are defined by the difference between your thinking and theirs.

- Fisher, et al.

Build a working relationship

Get to know someone before negotiation begins

Face the problem not the people

Find common ground in the problem rather than see each other as adversaries

What do you see?

Perception is 9/10 of the TRUTH!

Look for opportunities to act inconsistently with their perception

Discuss each other's perceptions

...curb their fears...formulate a new perception

Put yourself in their shoes

• Be open, honest, and frank
• Be explicit
• The conversation may help change perceptions

• Be prepared to withhold judgement in order to "try on" other's views
• Understanding other's point of view is not the same as agreeing with it

6

4

2

5

Saving Face

3

Don't deduce "their" intentions from "your" fears

Give them a stake in the outcome by making sure they participate in the process

1

Don't blame them for your problem

They met in a bar...

Make your proposals consistent with their values

...he offered her a ride home...

...he took her down unfamiliar streets...

• Even if blaming is justified, it is usually counterproductive
• The other party may:
• Become defensive
• Stop listening
• Strike back
• Turn the problem back on the substance

"it's ok, I'm just taking a shortcut..."

dun dun duuuuun....

...he got her home early enough to catch the ten o'clock news.

Separate the People from the Problem

THANK YOU!

Getting to YES

PM508 - Contract Management

Raymon L. Williams