Conflict Resolution

It’s part of the natural world.

It’s part of our nature as human beings

It’s everywhere we look – from kids to organizations.

Conflict is a “challenge that can make us better persons…it is what we do with conflict that could actually turn it into a problem or a gift.” (International Association of Business & Management Professionals)

• Differences in understanding and viewpoint (family, age, education, class, ethnicity, race, sexual orientation)
• Styles, principles, values, beliefs
• Ideological and philosophical outlooks (Republicans, Democrats and Libertarians)
• Different thinking styles
• Organized conflict (March Madness, baseball, the Hunger Games)

“I am conflict”

Where are you?

• High stress environments
• Ambiguous roles responsibilities
• Multiple boss situations
• Difficulty in communicating (advanced technologies)
• How individuals perceive rules in an institution
• Prior unresolved conflicts

Conflict: Some Ground Rules

• Impediment to working smoothly
• Output diminished
• Obstructs decision-making process
• Forms cliques in organization
• Can stimulate search for new conclusions or resolution
• Increase group cohesion, measure & identify power & ability

A few conflict take aways

Conflict: why should we care?

Your conflict style

Conflict: Some Daily Examples

• Someone cuts you off in traffic
• You have a fight with your BFF.
• A spat with a friend, club member or partner.
• A debate with a teacher over a grade

Conflict

Why conflicts arise

What makes hot issues hotter?

Conflict: Good, Bad & Ugly

"Every choice in life either moves you forward or keeps you stuck."~ OPRAH

"What matters is that after the conflict is resolved, everyone feels accepted and understood." (IAMBP)

"Start out with an ideal and end up with a deal"~ Karl Albrecht

"If you start a conversation with the assumption that you are right or that you must win, obviously it is difficult to talk."~ Wendell Berry

"Unless both sides win, no argument can be permanent" ~ Jimmy Carter

• Keep it respectful
• Maintain emotional control
• Show a willingness to understand
• Communicate honestly-don't hold back
• Be as objective as possible
• Express concerns in a constructive way
• Focus on solutions rather than blaming
• Look for solutions that meet everyone's needs

Resolution

It's a "Win-Win"

How we react to conflict

• Physical response: heart rate, blood pressure, cholesterol levels, adrenaline and stress hormones

• Cognitive response: Fear of disapproval, of change, of competition, even fear of success

• Emotional response: Anxiety, fear, excitement, rage, worry, hope

Side A

More conflict styles

Side B

Conflict styles: You pick

“Competers” : an aggressive style, and low regard for future relationships. Winning is everything.

“Accommodators”: are the opposite. They yield to others. Needs of others or of group is most important. You almost never know where they are coming from.

“Compromisers”: parties give and take. Generally, this isn’t satisfactory.

“Collaborators” – find the sweet spot. It’s a “win-win.”

When I get into a conflict, I….

• Get angry
• Get hurt
• Raise my voice
• Eat
• Drink a beer or a glass of wine
• Get frightened
• Worry
• Am the peacekeeper
• Fill in the blank…………………………….

Addressers: You confront conflict head-on. You may be the first one to name it.

Concealers: You bury the feelings – or name them as another feeling.

Avoiders – somewhere along the line (maybe in your family of origin) you learned that conflict wasn’t cool. Bring it up – and you find a way to change the subject.

Attackers – In your face, man. (Or sometimes, behind your back – “mean girls” in high school).