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Good timber does not grow with ease:

The stronger wind, the stronger trees;

The further sky, the greater length;

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.

- "Good Timber" by Douglas Malloch

Fruits of Continuous Family Stress

Couples Dynamics Under Continuous Stress

  • Range of responses to continuous stress (e.g. danger from war)
  • Couples who cope well: use creativity to preserve intimacy, are equal, flexible, and reciprocal with their partner
  • Couples who cope poorly: cope differently from each other, are rigid, and are distant in their intimate relationship

The Qurtom family lives in Gaza, afflicted with constant danger

Branching Out

Increasing the Fruit

Strengthening Resilience through Therapy

The Fruits of Factors

Raising Resilient Children

Risk and Resilience

  • Heavenly Father = perfect example
  • Give kids chance to fail
  • Emphasize effort rather than achievement
  • Avoid harsh criticism
  • Praise more than you correct
  • Track coping over time
  • Make meaning of a crisis situation
  • Look for opportunity
  • Normalize family distress
  • Reframe the situation
  • Identify, affirm, and build family strengths
  • Build empathy between family members
  • Encourage shared efforts, concrete steps, and perseverance

Natural Fruits of Stress

Factors that influence a child can be commonly associated with negative outcomes (risk factors) while others are commonly associated with positive outcomes (protective factors). When a child experiences positive outcomes even in the face of risk, they are considered "resilient."

Risk Factors:

  • Harsh parenting
  • Poverty
  • Bad temperament

Protective Factors:

  • Caring adults and peers
  • Opportunities for employment and education
  • Good temperament

Physiological Responses

Our body has natural responses to perceived danger. While these are helpful in dangerous situations, our bodies often respond when no actual danger exists.

  • Both immediate and long term effects
  • Increased heart rate
  • Shortness of breath
  • Nausea
  • Delayed/prolonged chemical response

More Water

Mindfulness

The Wind

What is stress?

Mindfulness = being present

  • Stress reaction: automatic, often unhealthy response to stress
  • Stress response: recognizing emotion and choosing to respond in a healthy way
  • Stress, like wind, is only bad if unprepared for it.
  • The way we cope with stress determines if the situation is a crisis or opportunity, an unbearable storm or a strengthening wind.
  • Informal practice: walking and eating mindfully
  • Formal practice: mindful breathing

The Stronger Wind, The Stronger Trees

The Water

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

The Watering Can

How can we water our family tree so we are prepared when the winds come?

Mood Logs

  • Recognize that our cognition (thoughts) affect our feelings
  • Use mood logs to practice changing negative thoughts to accurate/positive thoughts

Family Shock Absorbers

  • Circle feelings, write %
  • Write out negative thoughts, write % belief
  • Label with distortions
  • Write out accurate/positive thoughts, write % belief
  • Rewrite % belief of negative thoughts and feelings

Balance stability and flexibility

Stability: fostered by family routines and rituals that remain constant

Flexibility: ability to adapt to new situations

Balance connectedness and differentiation

Connectedness: mutual support, forgiveness/reconciliation

Differentiation: individuals have clear self identification, personal time, clear boundaries (not enmeshed)

Social/Economic Resources:

  • building financial security
  • creating community and kin networks

Family Structure

Family Stress and Coping

Deciding to Weather the Storm

Family Council

Coming to a consensus, not just compromising, provides a family with added strength when facing the winds of stress.

Council Method

  • Set aside regular time in a sacred place
  • Begin with expressions of love then prayer
  • Discuss as guided by the Spirit, come to a consensus
  • Pray to confirm decision
  • End with treats

FAAR Model

McCubbin and Patterson

Interconnected Roots

Roots of Resilience

My Family System

Resiliency Model of Family Stress

Stress doesn't just come affect one individual at a time. Because the family is a system, it affects everyone!

  • Causality: whose fault is it?
  • Circular causality: focused on process, all family members interact causes the problem
  • Linear causality: focused on how an argument started and what it's about

The Roots

Stress and Coping Theories

Similar to Double ABCX Model, but explains adjustment and adaptation phases in detail.

More Theoretical Roots

Koo's Profile of Trouble

  • "Trouble proof" family structure with clearly defined roles
  • Normally succession of related problems
  • "Angle of recovery" -- more than one type of recovery, not often better off

Hill's Truncated Roller Coaster

  • Also found that stressors come in groups
  • Family adaptability most critical to success in a family crisis

Hill's ABCX Model

  • A = Actual event
  • B = Both resources and responses
  • C = Cognitions
  • X = Total eXperience

Family Typology Model

McCubbin and Patterson's Double ABCX Model

McCubbin and McCubbin

  • What happens after the crisis?
  • Pre-crisis resources and perceptions can be different than post-crisis (b vs bB, c vs cC)
  • Not all families need to adapt if adjustment is adequate
  • Includes family types
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