Good timber does not grow with ease:
The stronger wind, the stronger trees;
The further sky, the greater length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.
- "Good Timber" by Douglas Malloch
Fruits of Continuous Family Stress
Couples Dynamics Under Continuous Stress
- Range of responses to continuous stress (e.g. danger from war)
- Couples who cope well: use creativity to preserve intimacy, are equal, flexible, and reciprocal with their partner
- Couples who cope poorly: cope differently from each other, are rigid, and are distant in their intimate relationship
The Qurtom family lives in Gaza, afflicted with constant danger
Branching Out
Increasing the Fruit
Strengthening Resilience through Therapy
The Fruits of Factors
Raising Resilient Children
Risk and Resilience
- Heavenly Father = perfect example
- Give kids chance to fail
- Emphasize effort rather than achievement
- Avoid harsh criticism
- Praise more than you correct
- Track coping over time
- Make meaning of a crisis situation
- Look for opportunity
- Normalize family distress
- Reframe the situation
- Identify, affirm, and build family strengths
- Build empathy between family members
- Encourage shared efforts, concrete steps, and perseverance
Natural Fruits of Stress
Factors that influence a child can be commonly associated with negative outcomes (risk factors) while others are commonly associated with positive outcomes (protective factors). When a child experiences positive outcomes even in the face of risk, they are considered "resilient."
Risk Factors:
- Harsh parenting
- Poverty
- Bad temperament
Protective Factors:
- Caring adults and peers
- Opportunities for employment and education
- Good temperament
Physiological Responses
Our body has natural responses to perceived danger. While these are helpful in dangerous situations, our bodies often respond when no actual danger exists.
- Both immediate and long term effects
- Increased heart rate
- Shortness of breath
- Nausea
- Delayed/prolonged chemical response
More Water
Mindfulness
The Wind
What is stress?
Mindfulness = being present
- Stress reaction: automatic, often unhealthy response to stress
- Stress response: recognizing emotion and choosing to respond in a healthy way
- Stress, like wind, is only bad if unprepared for it.
- The way we cope with stress determines if the situation is a crisis or opportunity, an unbearable storm or a strengthening wind.
- Informal practice: walking and eating mindfully
- Formal practice: mindful breathing
The Stronger Wind, The Stronger Trees
The Water
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
The Watering Can
How can we water our family tree so we are prepared when the winds come?
Mood Logs
- Recognize that our cognition (thoughts) affect our feelings
- Use mood logs to practice changing negative thoughts to accurate/positive thoughts
Family Shock Absorbers
- Circle feelings, write %
- Write out negative thoughts, write % belief
- Label with distortions
- Write out accurate/positive thoughts, write % belief
- Rewrite % belief of negative thoughts and feelings
Balance stability and flexibility
Stability: fostered by family routines and rituals that remain constant
Flexibility: ability to adapt to new situations
Balance connectedness and differentiation
Connectedness: mutual support, forgiveness/reconciliation
Differentiation: individuals have clear self identification, personal time, clear boundaries (not enmeshed)
Social/Economic Resources:
- building financial security
- creating community and kin networks
Family Structure
Family Stress and Coping
Deciding to Weather the Storm
Family Council
Coming to a consensus, not just compromising, provides a family with added strength when facing the winds of stress.
Council Method
- Set aside regular time in a sacred place
- Begin with expressions of love then prayer
- Discuss as guided by the Spirit, come to a consensus
- Pray to confirm decision
- End with treats
FAAR Model
McCubbin and Patterson
Interconnected Roots
Roots of Resilience
My Family System
Resiliency Model of Family Stress
Stress doesn't just come affect one individual at a time. Because the family is a system, it affects everyone!
- Causality: whose fault is it?
- Circular causality: focused on process, all family members interact causes the problem
- Linear causality: focused on how an argument started and what it's about
The Roots
Stress and Coping Theories
Similar to Double ABCX Model, but explains adjustment and adaptation phases in detail.
More Theoretical Roots
Koo's Profile of Trouble
- "Trouble proof" family structure with clearly defined roles
- Normally succession of related problems
- "Angle of recovery" -- more than one type of recovery, not often better off
Hill's Truncated Roller Coaster
- Also found that stressors come in groups
- Family adaptability most critical to success in a family crisis
Hill's ABCX Model
- A = Actual event
- B = Both resources and responses
- C = Cognitions
- X = Total eXperience
Family Typology Model
McCubbin and Patterson's Double ABCX Model
McCubbin and McCubbin
- What happens after the crisis?
- Pre-crisis resources and perceptions can be different than post-crisis (b vs bB, c vs cC)
- Not all families need to adapt if adjustment is adequate
- Includes family types