Digital Journal #1 Foundations

Audio Transcript Auto-generated

• 00:01 - 00:02

  Hi, Doctor Day.

• 00:02 - 00:09

  OK, for my first digital journal entry for Foundation and women's studies.

• 00:09 - 00:12

  Um First of all, I was so excited for this class.

• 00:12 - 00:13

  Um

• 00:13 - 00:16

  I just want to start off by talking about this concept that we've been

• 00:16 - 00:20

  kind of bringing up um during the first couple weeks of class.

• 00:20 - 00:22

  Um And that's just the fact

• 00:22 - 00:27

  and idea of so much of women's studies being made up of oral

• 00:27 - 00:32

  stories and just stories that have been passed down from generation to generation.

• 00:32 - 00:33

  Um

• 00:33 - 00:38

  I think this is such an important topic and so many of our stories as women

• 00:38 - 00:41

  just go untold and

• 00:41 - 00:43

  you know, given no importance.

• 00:44 - 00:44

  Um

• 00:45 - 00:49

  I think it's a topic that is so undervalued and just really not talked about.

• 00:49 - 00:54

  Obviously, patriarchy's goal is to kind of silence us women

• 00:54 - 00:55

  and

• 00:56 - 01:00

  to do just that to like put to sweep our stories under the rug.

• 01:00 - 01:03

  So I just love this concept and I love talking about it.

• 01:03 - 01:04

  Um For me personally,

• 01:05 - 01:10

  like the way it really shows up is the stories within my own family.

• 01:11 - 01:14

  Um And that like relating to gender. So like,

• 01:14 - 01:16

  for example, like

• 01:16 - 01:19

  I have a younger cousin, she's one year younger than me.

• 01:20 - 01:21

  She

• 01:21 - 01:24

  is like growing up, we kind of hated each other just because

• 01:24 - 01:28

  we have the same exact name. Like I'm Ana

• 01:28 - 01:28

  Luisa Armed

• 01:29 - 01:31

  is Gonzalez and she's Ana

• 01:31 - 01:31

  Paula

• 01:32 - 01:32

  Amanda

• 01:32 - 01:32

  is

• 01:32 - 01:35

  so like same first name and same last name.

• 01:36 - 01:41

  It's just like she was me but in Mexico and I was her but in the US.

• 01:41 - 01:41

  Um

• 01:42 - 01:44

  but we just like little kid drama, like we hate each other.

• 01:44 - 01:46

  But now that we're actual like,

• 01:47 - 01:49

  you know, women, like we're grown up now.

• 01:49 - 01:52

  Um as grown up as I can be at 20 whatever.

• 01:53 - 01:57

  Um we love each other like we're inseparable when we're in the same country,

• 01:57 - 01:58

  obviously.

• 01:58 - 02:03

  Um But we went on vacation together this past summer with my dad, my mom, my brother

• 02:04 - 02:08

  and like we just shared a room and we would stay up all night, like just like giggling

• 02:08 - 02:10

  and just like telling stories

• 02:10 - 02:12

  and trying to piece together

• 02:13 - 02:17

  why our family is the way it is specifically the men.

• 02:17 - 02:19

  So specifically our fathers,

• 02:19 - 02:22

  um she's from my dad's side and my dad only has one brother.

• 02:22 - 02:26

  So specifically trying to piece together like, ok, our dads are both such angry men

• 02:26 - 02:31

  and our dads. My dad is this way your dad is this way like huh this connects with this.

• 02:31 - 02:35

  Oh, my mom told me that this happened when our dads were teenagers. Huh?

• 02:35 - 02:39

  My mom told me that this happened and that our grandma was this way.

• 02:39 - 02:41

  And that made this be like this.

• 02:41 - 02:44

  So, oh my God, it's just so crazy in my head. Like

• 02:44 - 02:46

  our dads tell us nothing.

• 02:46 - 02:51

  And here we are doing all the emotional labor and just piecing things together.

• 02:51 - 02:55

  Obviously, we're getting our information from our mothers.

• 02:56 - 02:57

  Our dads really will only talk about

• 02:57 - 02:59

  when they were really little.

• 02:59 - 03:01

  And then after they had us,

• 03:01 - 03:05

  everything in between is just like a mystery blob that we just like, collected,

• 03:05 - 03:08

  like pick up the puzzle pieces like from our moms

• 03:09 - 03:11

  and then together just kind of like poop

• 03:11 - 03:11

  poop,

• 03:11 - 03:11

  poop,

• 03:12 - 03:12

  poop

• 03:12 - 03:13

  poop, piece it all together

• 03:14 - 03:14

  and

• 03:15 - 03:19

  it's just, it's so strange but so wonderful all at once.

• 03:19 - 03:20

  Like,

• 03:20 - 03:22

  oh my God, I just went, went,

• 03:22 - 03:25

  we actually piece things together and like tell these stories.

• 03:25 - 03:27

  I just like in my body, I feel

• 03:28 - 03:33

  just, I feel it like in my chest but such a happy, like jittery type of feeling like,

• 03:33 - 03:37

  I don't know, it's just wonderful to have women to actually

• 03:37 - 03:39

  exchange these stories with.

• 03:39 - 03:41

  Um I'm getting a little off track so I'm going

• 03:41 - 03:43

  to get back into the topics I want to cover.

• 03:43 - 03:45

  But yeah, that's just like,

• 03:45 - 03:47

  I'm so glad that was such a big point of the class and

• 03:47 - 03:51

  of the curriculum this semester because I think it's such a wonderful thing.

• 03:52 - 03:55

  Ok. The thing I'm mainly going to be covering today um

• 03:55 - 03:56

  for the rest of the video at least

• 03:56 - 04:02

  is going to be um Adrian riches reclaiming on education.

• 04:02 - 04:05

  It was either reclaiming or reclaiming. I don't know. But

• 04:06 - 04:06

  um

• 04:06 - 04:08

  yes. So

• 04:08 - 04:11

  I love this article. I feel like it sent me

• 04:12 - 04:14

  into a bit of a spiral.

• 04:15 - 04:18

  Oh my God. Just, oh, that class discussion was great.

• 04:18 - 04:21

  But um it really made me think like what if,

• 04:21 - 04:23

  what if men didn't create everything and ruin it?

• 04:24 - 04:26

  Um I don't know. I just,

• 04:27 - 04:29

  I need to log my thoughts one minute.

• 04:31 - 04:35

  I think the phrasing, I know we talked about this in class, but the phrasing

• 04:36 - 04:40

  and the differentiation between claiming versus receiving

• 04:40 - 04:43

  is just something that I've never really thought about before.

• 04:43 - 04:49

  And I feel like before this, I just use like receiving or, you know, just,

• 04:49 - 04:56

  yeah, I use that type of language um in relation to my education and academic life.

• 04:57 - 05:01

  But it really is such an important and like notable difference in the wording.

• 05:02 - 05:07

  I feel like with men, it's always,

• 05:07 - 05:09

  even if it's not said it's always,

• 05:09 - 05:12

  we always view their education through the lens of claiming.

• 05:12 - 05:16

  It's something that's rightfully theirs and something they're entitled to.

• 05:16 - 05:20

  Um Obviously, there's a patriarchy, a lot of men feel entitled

• 05:21 - 05:22

  and

• 05:22 - 05:27

  as women, it's just we're always kind of receiving like things are

• 05:28 - 05:31

  done to us, we are receiving things.

• 05:32 - 05:32

  So

• 05:33 - 05:37

  to think of that through education is just so mind boggling because

• 05:37 - 05:42

  obviously, like no one is entitled to anything. And like, I don't know, it's just

• 05:43 - 05:46

  to get into that type of mindset that you're claiming

• 05:46 - 05:49

  something that is rightfully yours and something that has always

• 05:49 - 05:51

  been meant to be yours

• 05:51 - 05:55

  is just, I don't know, it just makes me feel so like,

• 05:56 - 06:00

  like, I don't know, physically, I just feel like it, like, I don't know, it makes me,

• 06:00 - 06:03

  like, want to be a little taller and like, sort of shader

• 06:04 - 06:06

  and I guess just more confident, um,

• 06:07 - 06:10

  in my academic life And yes.

• 06:10 - 06:11

  Um

• 06:12 - 06:17

  OK, another thing that sent me into a massive spiral

• 06:17 - 06:20

  was um we talked about this in class. I

• 06:20 - 06:21

  have a terrible memory.

• 06:21 - 06:26

  I try to remember as much as I can, but I'm almost certain it was in relation to,

• 06:26 - 06:27

  to um reclaiming an art,

• 06:28 - 06:28

  oh my God,

• 06:29 - 06:30

  reclaiming an education.

• 06:30 - 06:31

  Um

• 06:31 - 06:36

  But it was just the fact that like, obviously our systems are created by men. And so

• 06:36 - 06:38

  they are shaped around

• 06:38 - 06:39

  men's

• 06:40 - 06:45

  needs and just like men's ideals, you know, through a male lens

• 06:46 - 06:51

  and just the idea of like, how would academia, how would our educational systems,

• 06:51 - 06:54

  how would school and higher education

• 06:55 - 06:56

  be different

• 06:56 - 07:00

  if it were made for us or if it were made

• 07:01 - 07:02

  by women?

• 07:03 - 07:05

  Obviously, like the first thing that comes to mind is just like the,

• 07:06 - 07:09

  how, how undervalued emotional intelligence

• 07:09 - 07:11

  is and how um

• 07:12 - 07:15

  how discouraged it is in academic settings.

• 07:16 - 07:21

  Um As if you can't be logical and emotional at once, like, you know, of course, like

• 07:22 - 07:25

  um under a male lens. We just kind of assume that those two

• 07:25 - 07:29

  cancel each other out and that any emotion makes an argument illogical.

• 07:30 - 07:32

  Um But to take it even further, like

• 07:33 - 07:35

  we didn't really talk about this in class, but I

• 07:36 - 07:41

  OK, I feel like at least are people um who get periods and who menstruate

• 07:42 - 07:47

  to me. It like, oh my God, it is so mind boggling that like men wake up and like,

• 07:47 - 07:51

  OK, I'm not that good at science. So maybe there's you, you can tell me as like a,

• 07:52 - 07:54

  as like a stem undergrad person,

• 07:55 - 07:59

  but for men, at least like from what I know their hormones are

• 07:59 - 08:00

  steady, right?

• 08:00 - 08:02

  And I think when isn't it, when you,

• 08:02 - 08:05

  when men wake up they have like a burst of estrogen,

• 08:05 - 08:07

  I believe or some bodily chemical that makes you

• 08:07 - 08:09

  like energized and ready to take on the day.

• 08:10 - 08:13

  Um It boggles me and I've been like really getting into this lately

• 08:13 - 08:15

  and like they're trying to learn as much as I can about it,

• 08:15 - 08:17

  but it really boggles me

• 08:17 - 08:17

  that at least

• 08:18 - 08:18

  for me like

• 08:19 - 08:22

  whichever phase of my menstrual cycle that I am in.

• 08:23 - 08:26

  It could completely change my mood and will completely change

• 08:26 - 08:29

  the way I'm able to live my life.

• 08:29 - 08:31

  Um with this for me, at least there's also some

• 08:31 - 08:33

  intersections with disability

• 08:34 - 08:36

  and with my A DH D like.

• 08:37 - 08:38

  Yeah. Anyway, it's like lil

• 08:38 - 08:41

  face for me is terrific. Terrific. Not terrific. Terrifying. Sorry.

• 08:41 - 08:42

  Terrifying and terrible.

• 08:43 - 08:45

  So it's just like in the sense, like, I don't know, like,

• 08:45 - 08:48

  how would academia be different if these type of things were taken into account?

• 08:48 - 08:49

  And

• 08:49 - 08:50

  if we were allowed, like,

• 08:50 - 08:54

  time off and time to actually recharge our bodies

• 08:54 - 08:56

  and like take care of ourselves in that sense.

• 08:56 - 08:58

  Ok. The next thing

• 08:58 - 09:01

  I was searching the text for this exact quote.

• 09:01 - 09:02

  Um

• 09:02 - 09:05

  I looked kind of quickly and I couldn't find it.

• 09:05 - 09:09

  So it might be something that you had mentioned in class or I'm just bad at looking.

• 09:09 - 09:14

  Um But it was just the idea that the article that the speech brought up that

• 09:14 - 09:16

  if we as women don't take ourselves seriously

• 09:16 - 09:19

  and we don't take our education seriously.

• 09:19 - 09:21

  It's a matter between life or death.

• 09:22 - 09:23

  Oh my God. Ok.

• 09:24 - 09:24

  Well,

• 09:25 - 09:27

  oh my God, this is just so

• 09:27 - 09:29

  true and so,

• 09:29 - 09:31

  like, deeply applicable and so d

• 09:31 - 09:33

  so many different situations.

• 09:33 - 09:36

  Um I want to get just into my situation,

• 09:36 - 09:40

  at least for it or how it resonates with me personally.

• 09:40 - 09:40

  Um

• 09:41 - 09:45

  I feel like growing up, um I just never really was,

• 09:46 - 09:50

  there was other aspects to it, but I think I was just never really expected

• 09:50 - 09:51

  to

• 09:51 - 09:54

  do academically well or like,

• 09:54 - 10:02

  have any higher aspirations, um educationally and both career wise. Um

• 10:03 - 10:05

  My dad, my mom, like, they're very big,

• 10:05 - 10:06

  um

• 10:06 - 10:07

  What's the word?

• 10:08 - 10:11

  They're very big advocates and like they very much pushed me to,

• 10:11 - 10:13

  you know, think higher, like pursue higher things.

• 10:13 - 10:16

  But I think just in general being raised as a woman

• 10:16 - 10:18

  and identifying as one,

• 10:18 - 10:21

  it was just always kind of like, oh, like

• 10:21 - 10:24

  you'll get married, you'll have kids. Like, what do you need a career for anyway?

• 10:24 - 10:24

  Like,

• 10:25 - 10:25

  little woman, like,

• 10:26 - 10:27

  um,

• 10:28 - 10:29

  in that sense.

• 10:29 - 10:31

  So, like, I just kind of like, honestly going into college, like,

• 10:31 - 10:32

  I don't know what I wanted to do.

• 10:32 - 10:35

  Like, I didn't really, like, think of myself in the sense, like, and like,

• 10:35 - 10:37

  have higher aspirations.

• 10:37 - 10:37

  Like

• 10:37 - 10:40

  I didn't think of myself as necessarily, like

• 10:41 - 10:41

  I

• 10:41 - 10:42

  say, competent.

• 10:42 - 10:45

  That makes me sound like malicious, like, terrible to myself, but just like,

• 10:45 - 10:47

  you know, I didn't think of myself like

• 10:48 - 10:50

  as like, so like high achieving and all that.

• 10:50 - 10:51

  Um

• 10:52 - 10:57

  that for me also, again, has some intersections with um disability and a DH D like,

• 10:57 - 10:59

  I just feel like just in general,

• 10:59 - 11:02

  I'm a very, I'm very doubtful of my actual like,

• 11:02 - 11:05

  abilities like intellectually because of that. Um

• 11:05 - 11:10

  So I try to, you know, not think of that that much and not let it um

• 11:10 - 11:11

  take control of my mind.

• 11:11 - 11:14

  Um But even last year, like,

• 11:14 - 11:18

  again, this goes back to the masculinization of education.

• 11:18 - 11:21

  I was with this one

• 11:21 - 11:23

  man, terrible man

• 11:23 - 11:25

  who was a STEM major.

• 11:25 - 11:28

  And obviously, um you probably,

• 11:28 - 11:31

  you probably know this from your undergraduate in um

• 11:32 - 11:37

  in STEM, but a lot of men in the stem field just undervalue any of the arts

• 11:38 - 11:41

  and belittle and, like, obviously as a woman you're already belittled.

• 11:41 - 11:44

  So it's like, oh, like you're really going to kick me down a notch for,

• 11:45 - 11:48

  um, studying gender to a lot of people. It's like,

• 11:48 - 11:49

  what are you doing that for?

• 11:50 - 11:50

  Um,

• 11:51 - 11:52

  but, yeah, like that just,

• 11:53 - 11:55

  it kind of made me, like, doubt my,

• 11:56 - 11:58

  my abilities and just,

• 11:58 - 12:01

  like, what am I actually doing? Like, what is this education, like? Oh, my God.

• 12:01 - 12:01

  Like what?

• 12:02 - 12:03

  Um I don't know because I was viewing it

• 12:03 - 12:06

  through such a masculine lens and also through such a

• 12:07 - 12:10

  just like financial lens. Like, what am I actually going to do with this?

• 12:10 - 12:13

  Um And obviously I know the value that is here

• 12:14 - 12:16

  and I know how important these type of studies are

• 12:16 - 12:18

  but like that is how deeply rooted and how

• 12:18 - 12:21

  deeply the patriarch is able to penetrate that.

• 12:21 - 12:23

  Like even me as a Gsws major,

• 12:23 - 12:26

  I was over here like trying to change my major to global studies.

• 12:26 - 12:28

  Like, girl, you do not want to learn about international law, like,

• 12:28 - 12:29

  what are you doing?

• 12:29 - 12:30

  Um

• 12:31 - 12:34

  But so like that all made me so doubtful and just like sent

• 12:34 - 12:36

  me down like a spiral with like my academics and just like,

• 12:36 - 12:38

  oh my God, like, how am I going to do this?

• 12:38 - 12:40

  Like, what am I doing? Like, you know, just

• 12:41 - 12:44

  not taking myself seriously kind of um

• 12:44 - 12:49

  undermining my abilities and like belittling myself like, I don't know,

• 12:49 - 12:50

  terrible time.

• 12:51 - 12:52

  Then

• 12:53 - 12:55

  in the summer, I was like, really,

• 12:56 - 12:59

  really, really thinking about like dropping out or taking a break just

• 13:00 - 13:02

  again because I feel like those the

• 13:02 - 13:08

  that structure has never been there for me as a woman and as a young girl to see myself,

• 13:08 - 13:09

  like, actually

• 13:09 - 13:13

  doing more and like pursuing a career. Like, I'm like, yes, I'm here learning.

• 13:13 - 13:15

  I enjoy learning. But like,

• 13:15 - 13:17

  what am I actually going to do with this? Like, how am I going to live?

• 13:17 - 13:18

  Like, what am I going to do?

• 13:19 - 13:19

  Um

• 13:19 - 13:22

  And a lot of that just stems from there not being like,

• 13:23 - 13:23

  you know,

• 13:23 - 13:29

  nn no representation in the sense um that there is like for little boys of like, oh,

• 13:29 - 13:31

  like be an astronaut.

• 13:31 - 13:31

  Um

• 13:32 - 13:33

  do this, do that, you know?

• 13:34 - 13:34

  Um

• 13:35 - 13:37

  So um

• 13:37 - 13:40

  I was very much considering that and then I was like fixing

• 13:40 - 13:43

  up my schedule and I realized I had classes with you.

• 13:43 - 13:44

  So

• 13:44 - 13:48

  honestly, that was very much a big motive for me not taking a break.

• 13:48 - 13:53

  And I'm glad I did it. I feel a lot better this semester. Um But a large part of that was

• 13:53 - 13:54

  me.

• 13:54 - 13:56

  I mean, at the time, I guess I didn't really know it but looking back on it,

• 13:56 - 14:01

  like a lot of that was me like sitting down and just like being like, ok, like,

• 14:01 - 14:02

  I have to take myself seriously,

• 14:02 - 14:03

  like, I

• 14:04 - 14:08

  want to be able to make a career for myself. Like I want to be taken seriously.

• 14:08 - 14:11

  If I want to be taken seriously, then I have to take myself seriously.

• 14:11 - 14:12

  I have to stop like,

• 14:12 - 14:18

  undermining my abilities and just assuming that I'm incapable of like doing this,

• 14:18 - 14:21

  I have to take myself seriously and then others will as well.

• 14:21 - 14:22

  Um

• 14:22 - 14:26

  And from there I figured a lot out and I do want to talk to you about this more,

• 14:26 - 14:28

  but maybe it's not the time in the journal entry.

• 14:28 - 14:29

  But, um,

• 14:29 - 14:32

  uh, now I'm trying to, like, set up bigger goals for myself. So

• 14:32 - 14:34

  I've been feeling very motivated this semester.

• 14:34 - 14:37

  I've been trying to do a lot of things in relation to, like,

• 14:37 - 14:40

  you know, setting up like a good career for myself. Um,

• 14:41 - 14:43

  and this has to do with, um, with reclaiming an education.

• 14:44 - 14:44

  Um, but like,

• 14:44 - 14:46

  just having these higher expectations for yourself and

• 14:46 - 14:49

  taking yourself seriously has been so much for me

• 14:49 - 14:53

  and I guess I haven't really realized that until now that I'm looking back on it.

• 14:53 - 14:54

  But, um,

• 14:55 - 14:57

  I think I'm running out of time. I'm going to see if I can add on to this.

• 14:58 - 14:58

  Give me.