Audio Transcript Auto-generated
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Hey, guys, welcome to this video.
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It's gonna be a bit of a longer one.
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So maybe pause Get a cup of coffee or a
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hot tea.
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Ah, warm blanket to snuggle in.
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Whatever would be as we kind of talk about the
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personal experiences and look at a few different points of
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view off what it means to be a therapist and
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really the use of self and what that kind of
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entails. So let's jump into this video.
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So the person of the therapist, I have a few
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quotes here from a different few different people.
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The first as a therapist, him or herself brings a
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complex personal self that influences the person professional persona in
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the dynamic.
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Malu are the person to person engagement that is talking
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therapy, which basically is saying that we bring a complex
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part of ourselves.
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We bring ourselves into this equation and it's gonna influence
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it, whether or not we wanted to.
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It is because we can't leave ourselves outside the door.
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We can't, um, we can't just say, you know what?
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This isn't going to be something that's gonna bother us.
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I think of recently, Um and this is why knowing
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ourselves and being aware of our own things are really
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important. I think of recently I had a client who
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was experiencing, um, breaking down of a relationship with a
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really close friend that they really loved.
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But they had shared a piece of their faith with
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them, and that piece of their faith was something that
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the other person would not allow.
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They basically said, Well, if you're going to believe in
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that faith or you're gonna believe that, then I don't
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wanna be your friend anymore.
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And as I was journeying with my client through this,
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I kept having to reframe and really put my own
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thoughts through filters and a lens before I spoke and
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if anything, because six months ago I had a friend
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who I had an honest conversation, what they had asked
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an honest question.
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And we've been friends for Oh, probably 56 years, really
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close. Friends talk about everything, have gone through a lot
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together, traveled together, um, just a ton of things and
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so really deep friendship that I felt was very secure.
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And at the end of the conversation, the person said,
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We'll just send me your thoughts.
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I just I have to run, But then send me
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your thoughts on.
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Then I'll follow up next time we chat.
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And I sent them my some of my thoughts, just
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some closing pieces and they never got back.
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And a week later, I reached out and they never
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got back.
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And ah, month later I called and no answer.
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And I and I got to this place where I
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realized that this person, because of what we talked about,
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doesn't want to continue our relationship there.
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They don't want to be in a friendship anymore, which
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was really hard for me, especially because there was a
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lack of closure and there wasn't any any closure there.
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And this was a very similar thing that my client
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was going through.
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And because of that, I'm bringing this my personal self
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in this complex dynamic into this equation.
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But I know that I know that this is a
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personal thing for me, and I can't just say to
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my client, Hey, stop.
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This is something that I recently have gone through.
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And yes, I've tried to process it on my own,
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and I've talked it through and I thought about it,
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and I journal about it, but I can't go further
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with you know, I can't do that.
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I mean, a counseling session with them.
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And I've been there therapist for a while, and so
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I just had to keep saying, Kimberly, this isn't you.
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And so when I was engaging with them, I had
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to hear what they were saying, what their fears were,
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what their fears of their friends response was.
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And again there friend is not my friend.
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And so their response isn't gonna be the same.
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And so even though there is a similar this kind
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of theme, I also have to acknowledge this isn't the
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same thing.
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And I can't allow my own experience to then begin
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to impact the experience of my client.
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Right? And so again, I stayed with them in the
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here and the now with them reflecting back what they
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were feeling, what they were thinking and then giving space
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for them to be on their own journey.
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This next quote says the ill and those who suffer
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can also be healers.
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And isn't that great news?
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Their injuries become the source of the potency of their
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stories Through their stories, the ill create empathetic bonds between
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themselves and their listeners.
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And this is such an important piece, often times people.
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Um, we'll say that people don't get into helping professions
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to help others.
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They do it to help themselves.
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And basically, what they mean by that is that oftentimes
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people who have been broken or have been hurt are
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drawn to helping professions so that they can find the
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answer is not only for themselves but to prevent what's
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happened to them, to other people.
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And it's an interesting place to be, because again, we
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need to keep it in check and balance.
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We can't just allow our own pain to become the
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common conversation within our sessions.
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But when we hear that pain, we can understand it
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in a different way, even things that you know.
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If somebody came to me and said that they had
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recently had strep throat, I've had strep throat.
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And so, while I can't fully understand their experience, Aiken
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better comprehend what it might have been like.
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I often talk about how, um, we see colors differently.
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What you see as a color, what I see as
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a color, my shade of blue in your shade of
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blue. We're going to be different just because of the
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way that our eyes eyes air, interpreting it on dhe.
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There's been those photos on Facebook and social media of
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what colors are what color is this photo, and two
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people could be looking at the same photo and see
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two different colors.
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And I really think that that's an important thing to
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remember because we can go through.
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Similar experiences are illness could really look like the illness
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of another, but that doesn't mean it's been the same
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experience. It gives us empathy and gives us a common
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bond, but it doesn't give us a full understanding and
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allow us to just say, Hey, I totally know what
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you're going through because we'll never totally understand what someone
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else was going through.
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But we can use the empathy and the understanding of
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our own situation to them.
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Build that bond between us.
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The last says that pastors can become so caught up
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in the denial of their own emotional wounded nous that
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they, in their interactions with others, start to act and
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dogmatic and authoritarian ways.
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What this is saying is sometimes because our wounds air
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so painful and We don't want to go there.
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When others bring us to a place that might bring
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us to a spot where our wounds are being felt,
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we become dogmatic, We become very structured.
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We don't want there to be space for that to
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be felt.
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And so we just We just are dogmatic and authoritarian,
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and we don't give permission for people to enter into
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the places that are hard for us with that hurt.
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And we also block others from going there themselves.
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And so we need to be aware of our own
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wounds because it's our wounds that are going to be
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triggered when others talk about things.
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The other week I was talking to a friend who
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had experienced a trauma as a young as a young
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kid. It was actually someone in there, um, school.
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They were young and they were in school and the
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friend that they had had passed away and this was
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just really traumatic for them as a young kid and
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they didn't understand it, which it is a trauma for
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child, of losing a friend of a young age, and
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they never really they never really thought too much about
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it. as they got older, they looked back and thought
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it was sad.
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But recently they've actually begin to grow a family of
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their own and their own Children, or and at a
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similar age that this other child would passed away at
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when they were younger.
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And it's caused a new sense of anxiety and fear.
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And as I was chatting my friend, they said, Well,
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they shouldn't be like it doesn't make sense.
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My wounds, like I've journey through those and something we
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need to realize is that different seasons.
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We're going to impact our wounds and bring them out
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in different ways.
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And so right now is your journey through this course
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and you're talking about things.
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I don't want us to get to the place where
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we think this is.
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This is it.
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I've done enough.
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I've studied enough.
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I've looked into my own wounds.
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Enough. I won't have to go there in the future
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because different seasons of our lives cause our wounds to
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show up in different ways.
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And so I need you to be aware of that.
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I need need to be aware of that because we
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can't just be perfected through a course or even through
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a degree, and think that we've come out strong and
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we won't ever have to walk that journey again because
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we might.
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And we need to get space for our clients.
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Or those were helping toe also re re walk the
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path, maybe step back into places they've already journey, but
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now they're looking at it from a different vantage point,
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and these are important things to keep in mind.
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So let's look at the person of the therapist.
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So there's two reasons we should understand ourselves, and these
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were kind of the two approaches.
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The first is to get it out of the way
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meaning deal with our personal issues and find resolution, and
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the other has learned how to use these emotional struggles
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to enhance thief effectiveness of the professional self.
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And as I just talked about, getting it out of
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the way is not really, um, unachievable goal, because our
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journeys are wounds are hurt, will come along with us.
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Um, you know, when I always really young probably like
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10. Maybe younger than that.
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Um, I broke my wrist.
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I was on a one of those razor scooters and
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going down a hill really fast.
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Um, and the wheel fell off of the scooter and
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and when the wheel fell off the scooter, I flew
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like flu and broke my wrist.
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And every once in a while, even though it's been
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years, every once in a while, my first will get
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a little tinge in it, and I don't know if
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that's connected Not, but it reminds me that old wounds
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sometimes have ways off popping up and we can't get
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it out of the way.
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But what we can learn is how to process those
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emotions, how to respond.
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What are signs that they're coming up.
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What are signs that we're beginning to experience these things?
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Because these are important things to know.
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And so this is the beginning of this journey of
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learning about who you are, learning about your emotional struggles,
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learning about your difficulties in a way that can be
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useful and effective to actually enhance your professional self.
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But if we believe that one day will be, hold
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this side of eternity and our stuff won't get in
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the way off what we're doing, because we've dealt with
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it in the here and now, then we're dreamers and
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being a dreamer is okay, but we need to be
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realistic that even things were processing now or even things
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we processed five years ago could impact us in five
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or 10 years because our circumstances, the scenarios, all of
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that's different.
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And so we need to give ourselves permission to continually
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be on a learning journey and beginning to understand ourselves
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and using these tools and techniques to process our own
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experiences as we move forward and experience things with others.
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So let's look here at some focal points.
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So a pond and 2014 talked about this in in
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a research article, and I talked about three things.
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Signature theme, personal history and life Outlook and upon to
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talks about how those were important focal points for signature
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theme. It's a lifelong struggles impacting how we relate with
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ourselves and with others.
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Signature themes have an underlying core value or core fair
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vulnerability, rejection need to have control loss of power.
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The realization that all of our life experiences our family
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dynamics are class are raised.
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Our genders are failures or successes.
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All impact how we relate to those around us, and
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so we need to be aware of these signature themes
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not to get them out of the way, but to
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help us better integrate them and have compassion understanding for
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yourselves as we seek to be empathetic carers.
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So questions toe Understand your signature theme.
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What is your biggest source of anxiety or your biggest
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fear being abandoned?
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Rejected. Not being enough Feeling stupid.
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Is there something about yourself that you would prefer people
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not know things that you'd like to hide?
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What do you do to keep people from knowing this
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is their characteristics of yours that somehow limits you in
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functioning in your relationships, not wanting to be needy?
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That's pretending to always be strong and independent and, as
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a result, never asking for help or feeling alone in
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a crisis being afraid of being let down or abandoned.
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So you push people away and kind of ruin relationships
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before they really could get started.
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Thes would be things that would be signature themes that
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we could look at.
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How do you usually deal with stress?
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Is their reaction or stressful situation?
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Um, that seems to cause you problems.
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Are you looking back on your life and recognize a
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recurrent pattern and the way you're functioning.
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Relationships that don't work well with you thes air important
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pieces for understanding that signature theme in our lives.
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Remember that signature themes were not specific events.
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Okay, these aren't specific events, but they're patterns.
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Their signature themes are patterns off, feeling thinking and relating
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that you experience as challenges to your functioning and relating
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as you would like.
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And as you go through your Gina Graham, I want
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you to think through those signature themes, right.
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Personal history therapist must be able to manage their own
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person with all the emotional, cultural and spiritual forces operating
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within them actively and purposely in line with their therapeutic
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goals. This last implies the ability of therapist to utilize
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their personal life in history and inner emotional experiences to
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both identify with and differentiate themselves from their clients.
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Therapist must be able to recognize the common elements of
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the human experience in their client's life, struggles to the
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point of being able to track clients personal journeys through
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a conscious connection with their own personal journeys.
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Right, I want you to pause and reflect on that
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and think that through, but our personal history and the
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way that it really impacts us.
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It's gonna then be the way that we're going to
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journey with our clients and then life outlooks.
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What it filters that used to be the world.
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What is your personal life?
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Outlook. Right.
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And I post a video on popular where people talk
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about that.
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But what's yours?
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All of these things are really important for us to
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understand our personal experience and the way we're going to
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approach caring.
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These are things I want you to integrate into your
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Gina Graham and to your Gina Graham paper.
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I want you to look at those focal points.
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I want you to think of signature themes on when
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you look a TTE signature things in your family not
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to get it out of the way, because it will
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never be out of the way, but to give yourself
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space, to process and to understand, so that when things
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in your client's life for things in the life of
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those that you're walking and journey with, come up, you
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know what your stuff is and you can differentiate between
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Oh, this is my stuff and this is their stuff
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and both are permitted to exist.
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But I need to focus on there's right now.
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So I hope this video has been helpful.
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I encourage you toe, look through those quotes, look through
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those questions and really give space to process.
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What is it about my personal experiences that might impact
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the way that I approach others?
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Thanks for joining, and I hope you have a great
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rest of your day.