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How to mess up neo4j projects
5
How to
mess up
projects
Don’t think of good reasons why this technology would be useful
Technology is supposed to be FUN above all, right?
Business reasons for adopting technology - who still does that, right?
The Result
Be a Lone Wolf.
Wolves are cute.
None of the Oracle DBA’s will object, right?
The other wolves in the pack should just follow-you, right?
- You end up wasting sh*tloads of time and $$$
- Your CIO will question your choices, and overrule them
- You will end up buying more software from IBM/Oracle/Microsoft
- Your company will miss an opportunity, someone else won’t, and you will fall behind
- Neo4j will miss code/$$$ contributions, and innovation/development will slow down
- You will look like you made a very costly mistake, and live with the consequences
Your CIO will just give you the time and $$$, right?
No need for training - just download it and start trying it out, the tool will work it out for you
Who has time for training, right?
Shouldn't the tool be sooooo easy that you can just, like, USE it?
Model, Shmodel -
you know how to do this
Relational models and graph models are both models - so how difficult can it be, right??
Don’t worry about importing data - it will be a breeze
The database will just automagically understand what you are trying to do, right?
EXPLAIN &
PROFILE
to the rescue!
Don’t think about
your queries -
the database will do the thinking!
And if it does not perform the first time round, you can always just blame that crappy immature technology, right?
Graph global shmobal!
It should just work, right?
Don’t worry about the operational questions - they will get solved the day you go live!
It’s just software, so you can deny the laws of physics, right?
Don’t ask for help, even though you could really use some
Love your "waterfall"
software development!
Don’t pay for the software - there’s a community out there!
Paying for assistance is just so 1999, right?
Better be proud than wrong, right?
Who needs testing when you write solid code?
There **is** such a thing
as a free lunch, right?
“The other guys” will
pay for it, right?
Analyse. Develop. Test. Deploy. And *NEVER* iterate...
Agile, wasn't that just a fad?
SO BRONZE MEDAL
SO SILVER MEDAL
SO GOLD MEDAL