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INTIMATE

Citizenship, Care and Choice: The Micropolitics of Intimacy in Southern Europe

addresses intimacy from the perspective of those on the margins of social, legal and policy concerns in Southern Europe (Portugal, Spain, Italy): lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and transgendered people

About having children

So, the limitations, meaning that in the heterosexual relationship you don’t need to think over it a lot, I mean, things happen and that’s it. It’s different for us, I mean, we have to conceive it mentally before (…) it’s a whole construction around this idea of having a child. (…) Well, maybe the difference between my hetero past and the homosexual present is this, sentimental precariousness, so that, while once I said “Ok, I will have a child with Giovanni, I will have a family, he’s the man of my life, I have long-term projects”, with Ambra it was her telling me “I want to have a child with you, you are the woman of my life (…)” I always destroyed that dream.

(Ipazia, 36)

Italian context

Lenù

29 years old

lesbian at present, generally bisexual

3 year long relationship

Legal situation

"If we stay here, no family"

LGTB(Q) movement(s)

[having a child] If we stay in Rome we should think about it differently. Well I think I'd rather leave, I'd prefer to leave. At the same time I don't think it would be totally impossible to have a child here. There is a network of Famiglie Arcobaleno (Rainbow Families) and for sure our radical-chic neighborhood would allow that.

  • Law on sex change (1982)

My mother told me "I always imagined you would have had a family" and I told her "But this can be done, you know" and she told me "Don't even think about it! Who would tell your grandma?" (...) And maybe this is one of the things that make me see the fact of having a child as something so remote. (...) Imagine your mother when you tell her "I'm pregnant". And your grandmother: "And whose is it?" "Weeeell, don't know, it happened" (laughing). I mean, these things put at a greater distance the perception that this could really happen.

recent pronounciation of the Cassation

I told them "I don't want any more money from you, I don't want to follow your terms anymore".

  • Law against discrimination in the workplace

DLgs 216/2003

  • Bill against homophobia

Family of origin

DDL Scalfarotto (245/2013)

approved by the Chamber of Deputies but never passed to the Senate

gender ideology

Lesbian couples daily practices in the Italian context

I was born in a very catholic family. My family... all of them knows about my homosexuality, my siblings, my cousins. some of them never had any problems about it, even if they don't agree. Other ones, on the contrary, are very argumentative about it and... they exalt traditional family...

(...)

We were living at her father's house. (...) After two years her father (...) told her (...) "If you want to keep staying here you have to leave Vittoria, otherwise you will have to leave this house".

(...)

Unfortunately she has a complicate situation with her family, meaning only her mother knows but she is not happy at all about it. (...) She lives in a little town, so they are more narrow-minded.

(Vittoria, 33, lesbian, 7 months relationship)

  • Bill on civil unions

DDL Cirinnà 14/2015

still under discussion in the Chamber of Deputies

obstructionism (more than 4000 amendments )

political reactions

  • Court decisions beyond the law

Interviewees

5 lesbian and bisexual women

  • in a relationship - 6 months at least
  • between 25 and 45
  • living in Rome or its metropolitan area

The L World

  • not activists/spokeswomen

Marianna and I were very different from the majority of the lesbians I knew. [...] We were not really an example of femininity, not at all, but neither I nor her reproduced the stereotype of the average butch. [...] I didn't feel that much at ease with the rest of the world of that environment... discos and so on. With Marianna I did, but not with the rest of the people, not at all.

(Alice, 42)

Tatiana Motterle

CES - Centro de Estudos Sociais

Coimbra

Trough a friend of mine I got in touch with this world. But, actually, I have always been very independent when it came to looking for relationships. I mean (...) to be sincere the relationships I found - just one, actually - like when you meet in the middle of the Gay Street... it didn't end up very fine, I would say.

(Lenù, 29)

Something I noticed (...) I don't sleep with lots of people (...) I don't like it, I'm not interested, I don't go into chat rooms. (...) But I realized I'm in the minority here. I know there are people who are in Brenda all the time, are always chatting, fucking here and there. I can't do that, it doesn't interest me. But I noticed there's this trend toward an extreme promiscuity.

(Ipazia, 36)

And so I started my journey... in the lesbian... world... a world of dynamics that I didn't know yet. (...) And I realized that the homosexual world, unfortunately, is very... polygamous. I mean, it often happens that... Lois stayed with Mary and Mary stayed with Lois' best friend. This kind of love affairs that... I don't know at all, since I'm really not the type. (...) The only thing I don't like is this thing like "I stay with her who stays with her who stays with her", and then they are all friends, you know what I mean? (...) it happens in all relationships, not only homosexual ones. But I must say that in the homosexual context maybe it is more pronounced, yes, I must recognize that.

(Vittoria, 33)

Thank you!

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