Coping with a Break-Up

Coping with a Break-Up

"X" Marks the Spot

The ending of a relationship can be an opportunity to better understand ourselves and learn from the experience. Remember this is a process and there will be plenty of ups and downs, but as the days pass you will slowly start to feel better.

If you feel like you aren't moving forward or feel paralyzed by your grief, you may need to talk to a professional counselor. Follow the link below to see what services are offered at HSU.

The end of a relationship can turn your

world upside down and trigger a myriad

of emotions. But there are plenty of

strategies to help with this difficult journey and make yourself stronger and wiser for it.

http://www.humboldt.edu/counseling/

Make the most of this transition. Use this time to rediscover yourself, re-evaluate your life priorities, and expand your interests. Think of this as an opportunity for personal growth.

Take Care of Yourself!

All too often we forget to take care of ourselves. A break-up is a highly stressful life event that can have both emotional and physical results. Treat yourself like you are getting over the flu. Get plenty of rest, eat well, minimize other sources of stress in your life, and reduce your workload if possible.

A break up launches us into uncharted territory. Relationships often touch many aspects of our lives and therefore the break-up can disrupt everything from our routine to our relationships with others to even our own identity.

Grief

Grief is a natural reaction to loss and a break

up involves multiple losses including:

• Loss of companionship and shared experiences
• Loss of support whether financial, emotional, social, or intellectual
• Loss of hopes, dreams, and plans

Support can also come from your spiritual side whether that be getting out into nature, going to yoga, or attending religious services.

I guess I'm walking to class alone...

Reacting to Grief

Once you are aware of stages of grief, you can start to take steps to get through it as best you can.

Feel it

Who am I without them?

Understand your defenses

First, allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, fear, and pain. It is okay to validate the importance of the relationship to you and it's loss. You have to feel it before you can let it go.

Give it some time and patience

Widening your support network may mean offering your support to others. Consider volunteering or getting involved in a project that is outside yourself. Helping others may help you.

Find Support

Stages of Grief

Loss is not something to be weathered on your own. Reach out to family and friends. Find someone you can talk openly with. You may feel like you want to be alone, but isolating yourself will often make this transition harder.

The stages of grief are most often associated with the death of a loved one, but it can also apply to the loss of a relationship.

The stages can occur in any order or be repeated. Some people go through all the stages, some only go through a few of them. It's important to be aware of what they are and remember they are normal reactions to loss.

Next, recognize that guilt, self-blame, and bargaining may be defenses against feeling out of control and being unable to stop the other person from leaving. In general, we like to have control of our lives, but we can never control the behavior of another person.

Finally, give yourself some time. Everyone reacts differently to loss. You may move through the stages quickly or slowly. You may repeat the stages a couple of times. Be patient and kind to yourself through this journey. Stick to your routine as much as possible and try not to make any big life decisions.

Hey man!

I have this great

idea. I'm going to

drop all my classes and teach my cat to dance.

Dude. How about

we go for a hike and

grab some pizza for

dinner instead?

But if...

If I just...

Yeah, that's probably a better plan.

He'll come

back when I...

Anger

Guilt and Bargaining

This anger can be directed at your former partner, yourself or a third party.

During this stage you may feel like you could have prevented the break-up. You may think thoughts that begin like, "If I had only..." or "If I hadn't done...".

Shock and Denial

Depression

Watch this video for another explanation of the stages after a break-up.

This video explains a personal example of a break-up and some helpful hints.

It may be hard to believe it is all over. This can lead to physiological changes like weight loss, change in appetite, feeling tired, sleeplessness, and others.

Depression is often the next to last stage of grief. At this point you start to realize the relationship is over and feel the sadness of that.

Acceptance

At this stage you start the process of "letting go". You start to look more optimistically to the future. There may still be some residual pain, but each day is better.

Stages of Grief