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Romance without Regret :)

By Lisa McIvor

Lisa McIvor

on 13 April 2014

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Transcript of Romance without Regret :)

Faith is trusting in God to provide guidance and for all human need. A belief the God will be present no matter what the circumstances are.
My definition: A strong belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will.

Romance without Regret
Courage to do what is right even when it is hard e.g.: standing up to peer pressure/influences. Enduring hardships and overcoming fears. In a teenagers life, fortitude is standing up to those you love/the person you are in a relationship with even though it hurts you to do so - if they are putting pressure/ trying to influence you.
Right judgement

Love is choosing to express affection unconditionally to people and is shown in action not just words. If you love someone and they love you it is acceptable to be in a sexual relationship - to be certain of this love Chastity Project suggests that you should be married before you go into a sexual relationship with that person, as your virginity is a gift from God to you and by losing your virginity to the one you have married, it is a way of bonding that marriage.
Hope is to rely on God for what you truly want/need. Hope is reliance on God's faithful love AND confidence that his promise of eternal happiness us will be fulfilled.
My definition: If we believe that God's Love for us is great then we place our hope in His love and power to bring about the best for Us.

1 Timothy 4:12
Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” - Dr. Seuss
"Being a Christian may not be an easy job... but the retirement plan is out of this world"
Love through Chastity Project
An example of love through Chastity Project is the Q & A's that are answered by several different people written to teach teenagers about pure love answering the questions like:
How far is to far?
How do you say no?
How do you know when its love?
These questions and many others which are in the Q&A tab give insight to what true and pure love is and how we can grow it.
The whole of the website Chastity Project to me is about love and respect for others and your own value so that you can understand that God gave you the temple that you are in as a gift and live a fulfilling life as God wants us to!
The ability to honor and respect people and their dignity. In a teenagers life, it means to show respect towards our peers/partners sexuality and understand that it is their gift from God.
The ability to seek and listen to the wisdom of appropriate sources e.g.: the Churches teachings. In a teenagers life it means to have the patience to listen to our loved ones advise they give us in relations to our relationships and apply that advise to help us make wise decisions.
To use initiative - seeing what needs to be done in a situation. It steers all of the other virtues.
It relates to moral decision making and teenage sexuality by knowing ho 'far' to go without the influence of others.
Temperance is balance and moderation in a persons' behaviour - helping a person to act for good in times of temptation.
When a teenager is tempted by several relations, they can use temperance to help them make good decisions, observing the appropriate limits
I will talk and act, not on my knees, but with prudence.
- Lech Walesa
Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. - Martin Luther

I know of no higher fortitude than stubbornness in the face of overwhelming odds.
- Louis Nizer

Matthew 7:1-5
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Temperance is a mean with regard to pleasures - Aristotle

“By having a reverence for life, we enter into a spiritual relation with the world. By practicing reverence for life we become good, deep, and alive.” -Albert Schweitzer
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Prudence through Chastity Project
Hope through chastity project
You are important

Temperance through Chastity Project
The virtue Temperance relates to Chastity Project through the blog: Why Struggling With Porn Is A Good Thing.
When we struggle, when we “contend with an adversary or opposing force,” we grow stronger. This is true with our struggle with pornography. When we struggle with pornography we grow in virtue and it’s not just the virtue of purity we grow in... TEMPERANCE:
“Temperance is the moral virtue that moderates the attraction of pleasures and provides balance in the use of created goods.”
If a man or woman is struggling with pornography, then he is certainly growing in this virtue. And if he can learn to say no to sexual sin, then he’ll certainly become stronger in saying no to less tempting pleasures, legitimate or not. “Temperance ensures the will’s mastery over instincts and keeps desires within the limits of what is honorable.”
So there you have it. Struggling against pornography can be a beautiful and effective means of growing in sanctity.
Temperance also relates to Chastity Project through the idea of balance in a relationship. For example from the Q & A: how far is to far to go with a girl?
The answer shows that shows that you should be leading you partner closer to God not further away, still having your virginity in cases isn't always a sign of purity; being close to God and expressing Jesus' message is showing purity it shows true Temperance when you can keep the balance in your life with Christ, Faith and your partner together learning and sharing Gods message with each other and people around them.

The virtue Right Judgement though Chastity Project
The virtue Reverence through Chastity Project
The seminar with Matt Fradd shows how he learns about reverence and how to respect himself and women. Matt was a man that liked to watch porn, he didn't respect women and himself, he didn't show any reverence. Sex and purity wasn't a gift to him, sex was about lust and a physical enjoyment. He questioned this when he met his future wife and she taught him that there is more to life than sex, porn and lust. Matt learnt the hard way, he learnt to respect and have dignity for his body and others. As proof he is now happily married and has beautiful children - this is a sign that you can learn reverence even in your darkest time.
Q & A: Sometimes my boyfriend respects my wishes but sometimes he pressures me to do stuff that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want to lose him, so what should I do?
I understand your fear of confronting your boyfriend, but the bottom line is that you must RISK LOSING HIM. Every human being was created to be loved and never to be used. But if you are even slightly afraid that he will lose interest in you when you end physical intimacies, ask yourself: Is he interested in you or in pleasure? Deep in your heart I think you are afraid that he may be in this for the physical relationship.
There are two options open to you. One is to give in to whatever he wants (which is no guarantee that he will stay). The other is to follow your intuition. Look into your heart to discover why you do not feel comfortable doing these things with him. It’s probably because the acts degrade you. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
But suppose that you were willing to give your boyfriend whatever he wanted, out of fear of losing him. Would his respect for you go up or down? Down. If you stand firm and show that you will not compromise your values, then he will respect you more—even if he leaves you because he is in search of a girl who does not know what she is worth. You must take this risk if you want love.
"the virtue chastity can only happen through the association of love."
I think that this means that when you love someone its not about yourself, its about them e.g.: if someone really loved you, they wouldn't be pressuring you into having a physical relationship with them if it was against your wishes.
If you Love someone with all your heart, you wouldn't think about your desires, only theirs. You would think about their future and how they seek chastity and purity. With God all things are possible and Chastity Project shows how you can show your love and respect for your partner through God. The seminars give a more personal view on how to show chastity which helps the viewer to relate to it more.
Fortitude through Chastity Project
Faith through Chastity Project
How the Greatest Commandment relates to Chastity Project and our lives:
Chastity Project is a website that teaches us how to follow the Greatest Commandment - Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind - as well as the second Greatest Commandment - Love your neighbour as yourself - not giving into peer pressure or putting pressure on others as you must put the other persons' desires before your own, or the influence of bad and false media. For example in every day life after reading and looking at chastity project I have a better understanding of my value as well as others. Our life and sexuality is God's gift to us and to maintain the value of His gift to us we need to treasure it and always and respect it!
How this quote relates to Chastity Project
By having reverence for life. The world shows how you respect and understand the values of everyone and everything. This quote is shown in Chastity Project through the seminars as the people who talk show how they have gained reverence and how they are applying it through their every day lives. After looking at the quote and studying Chastity Project I can see that having reverence can make you and the people around you happier as you are applying great Christian qualities by respecting one another!
This relates to my life and the life of teenagers now. Sometimes we don't show dignity and respect for others. Matt fradd shows that you can always change this way of thinking. Some teenagers that I know think that sex is just fun and games and it doesn't have meaning, its simply lust. By looking at this seminar and knowing what the virtue of reverence means, I can see this way of thinking is wrong. It will help me to stand up against peer pressure and false advertising. To me when you give your virginity away it's like giving a part of yourself to some one. Who better to save it for than your future spouse :)
This seminar and how Chastity Project
reverence relates to Jesus' message . Reverence is part of Jesus message as it is to
ove and respect human dignity Jesus' message was to love others love your self

ve respect without reverence you
aren't ex
pressing Jesus message and spreading

rd of God! Having reverence is, in its

saying YES to your faith and Jesus'
age! when showing this virtue to

you are showing them yo
u live by Catholic
This quote relates to Chastity Project through..
How this quote relates to Chastity Project
This quote sums up hope many parts of chastity project show this. The seminars show how the people who have talked (Matt Fradd, Sarah Swafford) Even at their 'darkest times' when they were low and felt like they have no value, not respecting their bodies, they discover themselves again. Also through the questions and answers tab it gives advise that you should always remind people that they are so valuable, you may not realize it, but they might not see it themselves, its is always good for you to remind them :). To me this quote means that Gods love is eternal/never ending and He will AWAYS be there to pick us up off the ground and begin our lives again - life is full of second chances :)
The website chastity project is expressing Hope through the messages they send. From the Q&A to the seminars even the books, booklets and DVDs show it. The tab store on the catholic website chastity project has books, CDs, DVDs and purity packs that advertise ideas, catholic beliefs and give the readers Hope that there is better things and ways of life than spending it under the pressure of society!
Q & A : I’ve been with a lot of guys in high school, and I have a horrible reputation. I am going to college in the fall, and I’m looking forward to starting with a clean slate. Is it possible to become innocent again?
Chastity project teaches us that the first thing to understand is that your innocence is not determined by what others think about you. Therefore, don’t give any human being the power to determine your value. The only one who truly knows the state of your soul is God. As long as you’ve asked for forgiveness from Him, you have nothing to fear.
It is possible to start from a clean slate, even if you have been sexually active throughout high school but chose to have hope and accept God’s invitation and turn your life around, opening your heart and revealing how Christ makes you a new creation!

This quote shows that we should not ask for things all the time, but show initiative and try to gain things for ourselves, God says that if you truly seek something; ask and you shall receive - the more you make the right decisions the more wisdom it shows you have! Chastity Project is about learning to make the right decisions and if you don't then learning from them the wrong decisions and knowing that God is always there. The tab Q&A helps you to make the right decisions as it gives in depth answers to questions and advise on situations. If you do use your initiative to ask for help, you should show prudence by not relying entirely on the person helping you! You should do as much as you can to help them, help you. This will give you more knowledge and understanding also another viewpoint that can help you make the right decisions!

How the quote relates to Chastity Project
The quote relates to chastity project because without Faith and Belief in God you will find yourself varying off in the wrong direction. Which in some cases would be going against the greatest commandment - Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength - you could be giving your virginity to a stranger. God is the foundation in a Catholic's life.
This quote relates to Chastity Project through
Quite often, people notice and Judge other people before they Judge themselves, with Right Judgement you understand that this 'fault' may not be with the other person, but with you. Negatively Judging people to me is not acceptable, but if you are open to judging yourself constructively then you will benefit greatly as you will be following Jesus' footsteps. When I first looked at Chastity Project I thought that it was some over the top catholic website about purity but after looking at the tabs and studying in depth i now understand that its true and it makes sense to me. After having a look past my first Judgement of the appearance I have found information that I can relate to and use as advise for my future.
This quote relates to Chastity Project through:
Chastity Project is teaching how to express our catholic values in every day life and how to live like Jesus and God want us too. It teaches about how to balance and understand love so you don't make a wrong decision. It helps you keep that balance in every day life. Temperance is concerned with bodily pleasures - it teaches us that with Temperance we can resist and use self control to turn away from lust towards someone who we may not even truly Love.
The quote relates to Chastity Project through
No matter how hard it may be to say no to the pressure/temptations that come our way if we stand our ground and don't give in, we will always succeed by using Fortitude, maintaining our value and dignity - knowing the difference between wrong and right decisions and having the courage to do what you think is right. Even if it goes against what your partner/peers are doing. This is shown in Chastity Project through the speakers, books and Q&A. They all put forward the ideas of the right decision however is up to the reader to put them into action.
It is shown through the Q&As tab by looking at the questions of others and relating it to my life and my peers I can get a deeper understanding of what is right and wrong, following what i know is right through the advise of others! Right Judgement is also shown through the how far is too far video - which makes you stop and think about sexual relations with your partner and use right judgement to respect your partners value as he/she may be someone else' wife/husband some day
This virtue relates to Jesus' message because by using the virtue of right judgement you aren't going to get into a position that you wouldn't want to be in. LISTENING is the key to Right Judgement as you have to always have an open mind towards any suggestions/advise/constructive criticism - this is very hard for teenagers to do at times as they can tend to be bias/only think of themselves. Right Judgement also shows that you are expressing your faith in every day work by making decisions as well as learning from your mistakes!
A question to help with Temperance in a relationship is..
Would you want your future spouse having sex with another person? ...
The answer to this for me is definitely NOT! Because it expresses a lot more love when you have saved God's gift to you for your someone special who you are going to spend the rest of your life with in the name of God and live to the Catholic values together.
In my life and the life of teenagers I think that its important for us to not be defined by a relationship at this age. We don't understand in enough depth what True Love is and we mistake it sometimes for lust. I think when you have found Temperance in a relationship you have a deeper knowledge of your feelings for your partner!
Temperance through chastity project shows Jesus' message and the commandments no. 6 & 9; You shall not commit adultery & You shall not covet (desire) your neighbour's wife - Respecting the the total commitment of two people for each other in marriage, showing respect for human sexuality and using sexual integrity. By having Temperance you aren't going to do any thing that will effect others and yourself negatively, you have a balance (knowing what is right and wrong & how to have a relationship while keeping Christ in you life) In relationships chastity project teaches how to control your self and keep a good relationship as well as values like loyalty and honesty!
Fortitude is shown through both Leah Darrow and many of the Q & A's. Leah Darrow shows Fortitude when she realizes that what she was doing was against her beliefs. An example of this is when she talks in her seminar. Leah had the courage to say no to the temptations of society and made the hard decision to turn away from her potential fame in modeling, she turned to God and now her life has turned out more fulfilling than she had ever imagined. This is inspiring to girls around the world, showing us that we should stand up for what we believe in to find our bliss and fill our potential.
another example is the question and answers tab a question is ..I’ve gone to confession, but I can’t forgive myself for what I did. How do you get over the feelings of regret, and forget the bad experiences?
As you are realizing, sin often leaves deep wounds in the heart. During this difficult time when you may want nothing more than to move on and feel forgiven, keep the following points in mind. Consider the story of the prodigal son. He returned home to his father and said, “I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son” (Luke 15:21). Look at the father’s reaction. He welcomed him with open arms, threw the finest robes on him, put rings on his fingers, and celebrated. The son stopped moping and accepted the father’s merciful love. He did not sit outside the celebration but allowed his father to rejoice that he had returned. The father’s joy embraced the son. This parable not only tells us of God’s mercy; it also shows us how to accept his forgiveness. We might feel as if our sins make us unworthy to be a child of God, but when we repent the Father looks into our eyes and sees his own life within us. He sees his own Son within us.
In some ways, forgiving yourself for your own mistakes is similar to forgiving someone else who has hurt you. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that you do not feel the pain anymore.
Because the past sometimes hurts, we try to suppress the memories and shove them to a place in our mind where they will stop haunting us. There is a better way. When the hurts of the past weigh upon your heart, take those pains and offer them as a prayer for all who may have been hurt in these past experiences including yourself. It takes Fortitude to struggle away from these bad thoughts and turn towards God.
In time God will heal the past, and you may think about it less often. Let him work on that. Your task is to accept his forgiveness and to draw close to him. Do not give in to despair, thinking that you are of no use to God because you made some mistakes. Look at Rahab in the Old Testament. She was a prostitute who turned back to God through Fortitude, and Jesus was her descendant. You read that correctly. Jesus’ great, great, great, etc… grandmother had been a prostitute! The gospel of Matthew does not shy away from this, but lists her name in Jesus’ genealogy, when women were not typically included in such lists. Learn from this that your past does not prevent God from using you to accomplish great things for him in the future.

When i looked at chastity project the message of hope is to:
1. Listen - listen to the advise of others
2. Pray - pray to God for guidance
3. Witness - Hope that you should witness guidance
Hannah Crites is a freshman at Franciscan University of Steubenville majoring in Theology and Mass Communications with a focus in Journalism she says even if you have had wrong in relationships and maybe wrong choices overall in life you always have hope because God is there as a supporter to help you up and and he shows us the light in the darkness. This expresses Hope to me and relates to chastity project because in the toughest of times we have hope and and ask for understanding so that we will have a more fulfilled life.

Hope through chastity project relates to the 5th commandment in the viewpoint of human value and how it is important that you respect yourself which also relates to Jesus' commandment of loving yourself, others and God. Also living our lives as God wants us to do, through him and teaching others to do the same.
These tabs and the virtue relate to Jesus' show the progress of saying no to what is wrong and saying yes to God and to all things good! when you say no to what is wrong its showing that you live the Catholic ways and you are strong in your faith and love of God. Even if you have said yes to the bad temptations in life but you have acknowledged your sin, all you have to do is ask for forgiveness from the Lord and you can begin on a different journey in the footsteps of Christ. :)
An example is the tab store Jason and Crystalina Evert wrote the book called how to find your soul mate without losing your soul. While navigating through the dating scene, every woman begins to wonder:
How do I know when a guy really loves me?
Am I being too picky?
Do I even deserve love?
Is my relationship worth keeping?
Is love worth the risk?
Are any decent guys left?
Single women often feel left alone to find answers to their deep questions about love and intimacy. Some hang out and hook up, hoping for love. Others are afraid even to hope. At some point, every woman needs reassurance that she—and her standards—are not the problem. In How to Find Your Soul mate without Losing Your Soul, there are twenty-one strategies to help you raise the bar, instead of sitting at it, waiting around for Mr. Wonderful i.e. expressing Prudence :)
People need to discover a love that helps them to become themselves. This relates to prudence because it gives the reader advise in single life that wont effect your relationship with your future spouse. In the tab it talks about not giving up when you think there is no hope and not to lower your standards. We should never lower our standards as it is a way of lowering our self worth. This can also cause you to make the wrong decisions. The book gives you some of the wisdom that you will need to not lower your standards, making the right decisions in relationships and if your don't meet your values they aren't the one for you!
Prudence through Chastity Project relates to Jesus' teachings of having respect for everyone's sexuality and marriage as chastity gives you more understanding of your value and increases your wisdom, you will be able to make the right decisions like respecting others sexuality and not waiting around aimlessly for someone to sweep you off your feet. To me prudence is very significant, many girls at my age are lowering their standards and values because they think that a boyfriend is really just an accessory of their lives and that they need one in order to feel happy. This makes them make bad and wrong decisions, chastity project gives the opportunity to tell the difference between what is wrong and right. It has made me think more about love and romance without regret. From studying this virtue I have learnt that you shouldn't lower your standards and when you feel like a relationship is going against your values and to do some thing about it!
Jason and Crystalina Evert have spoken on five continents to more than one million people about the virtue of chastity, faith and marriage. They give talks to people helping them relate more to God through relationships and following his and Jesus' teachings as well. Through purity we can protect ourselves from harm and respond properly with no lust to love in relationships! They teach us that through Christ all things are possible, this shows Faith. They is show us how much they believe which then results in us wanting to. By everything relating to God and Jesus in chastity project it shows that people have great faith and as we grow in faith we get an understanding that God is always here and will NEVER leave us.
Faith through chastity project relates to Jesus' teachings because without faith we wouldn't believe in God and love him as much as we do. Jesus' main teachings of loving God, loving others and loving ourselves is shown through our Faith in our relationships. The stronger your Faith, the more it helps you to understand the person you are in a relationship with. Faith through Chastity also connects to the commandment of respecting the total commitment of two people for each other in marriage "You shall not commit adultery" - 6th commandment. By having strong faith and following in the steps of Jesus you will be following this commandment and supporting/showing your understanding by expressing your faith and keeping it in your relationship. Faith is the corner stone to a stable relationship!
To me faith is a relationship, it makes you stronger and helps you to choose the right decisions. Chastity supports this by showing us that faith plays a very important role in relationships. In teenagers lives faith gives us the strength to wait for our soul mate and know that we won't be forced to do anything that goes against our values!
Purity is love! I think that Chastity Project shows all the virtues: faith, hope, love, temperance, prudence, fortitude, right judgement and reverence! It shows them as values that will make a romance grow and you will have NO REGRET if you apply them. These virtues also show that you live through Jesus and God wants us to! These virtues help me and other teens to feel like there is true love out there and it comes to all of us at different ages, age doesn't matter however as long as you keep these virtues in your relationship you are setting your relationship up for success.
Chastity Project shows me, the reader, how to have a relationship without regret and not feeling pressured to go against Jesus' teachings. It shows how it can make your relationship more fulfilling, how get to know your partner in more depth through purity as it shows love and respect for your partner and how to be faithful to them and God.

Chastity Project shows how to live out religious tradition and have a strong relationship that sticks to the scripture and tradition which has been passed through generations. From staying pure till marriage and now having the knowledge of how you and your partners relationship should be full of love!
Q & A: Is foreplay with your boyfriend wrong, even if you really love him and just want to get as close as possible?
There are two essential elements of love. The first is the desire for union. (I would say you’ve got that.) The second and more important element of love is to desire what is best for the other, to desire God and heaven for him. It elevates the desire for union so that the two want to be together not for just a night but for eternity. Both elements must be present for love to exist. If I crave unity with a woman, but I do not desire her salvation, call it whatever you want, it is not love. After all, the purpose of foreplay is to prepare for sex. Since you’re not married and therefore not ready for sex, foreplay will only bring about greater temptations, not greater love.
If you are unsure whether a particular action could be sinful, then love demands that you refuse to go there. Suppose I put a teaspoon of powder into a cup of tea for my wife. I look at the bowl where I got the powder. It reads “sugar” on one side and “rat poison” on the other. Do I say, “Oh, it’s probably not poison. I’ll give it to her anyway”? If I loved her, then I would never do something that was possibly lethal for her. Similarly, even if I were not convinced that a particular action with her would be sinful, I would still avoid it if there were good reason to believe that it might be harmful to her soul. Since her soul is more important than her body, I should have all the more concern to protect her salvation.
Also, use Right Judgement to consider the heart of this guy’s future wife, in case you do not end up marrying him. I think that most sincere people who become physically intimate before marriage can see themselves marrying their partner. But most do not end up marrying each other. I have been in a few long relationships, and in each one marriage was a real possibility. In one case we were even trying on rings. The Lord had different plans for us. In fact, I went to her wedding, where she married a friend of mine! Watching them exchange vows and kiss at the altar made me take a deep look at the relationships I have had in my life. Take the same look, and honestly ask yourself if your actions are in any way defrauding the future bride of the guy you are dating.
Social Action
A Social Action group is when people come together to solve a problem in their community. There 3 parts to Social Action :
a need
- Be
by love/compassion/pity/faith/sadness etc
to do something about that need
Chastity Social Action through
Chastity Project
is a group to influence young people and guide them down the right path in relations to
romance without regret
as teenagers tend to not have much knowledge about true love and make mistakes that could be prevented. Chastity Project has seen this need in the lives of youth and are doing something about it, relying on
Religious Tradition
to be the Foundation of their group and helps people to discover their worth.
Religious Tradition
Religious Tradition is the teachings/guidelines/beliefs/rituals/prayers that have been past down through the ages from the time of the apostles to many faithful people and to us today. Traditions include virtues, commandments, gifts of the Holy Spirit, Ethical principals, common prayers, beliefs expressed through the Creeds, sacraments and out understanding of conscience.
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