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Love, Attraction, or Infatuation
Transcript of Love, Attraction, or Infatuation
As Fromm says, immature love causes a couple seems to develop a joined personality. This prevents them from appreciating their own wholeness and causes the couple to develop a dependent relationship. When such a person finds what they’re looking for, the relationship quickly becomes the center of their life and attention. Usually this is to fill a void. Loneliness or just the longing for comfort and security seem to take over, and even if it is uncomfortable the person may keep returning to the relationship for a quick fix. Dependent lovebirds see each other more and more and when apart they long for each other. Even if they bicker and can’t get along, they stay in the relationship to maintain that security and comfort. This could cause the person to jump from relationship to relationship to get all their needs met, as well as trying to do the impossible which is getting their self-worth from another. Erich Fromm was a German social psychologist who studied partially in the idea of love. Rather than considering love as an emotion, he had used the phrase interpersonal creative capacity and classifies love into six categories, with two main ones: ‘Mature’ and ‘immature’. His theory of immature love is the desire to connect with another and become one. The idea of knowing the other so throughout as one would know oneself and seem to develop a joined personality. Mature love, would be the opposite. Rather than losing a part of your own personality as sacrifice, each partner creates a bound, though still having a grasp on their own individuality. Break-ups Chapter 8 Break-ups Top 10 reasons MEN are dumped: (from women’s point of view)
• 1) There is someone else (14%)
• 2) Each other’s dietary habits differ to much (12%)
• 3) Too high maintenance (11%)
• 4)Too short
• 5) The man does not earn enough money for the lifestyle partner(s) wish to uphold (10%)
• 6) Don’t make there partner feel attractive (10%)
• 7) Lack of punctuality (9%)
• Lack of attraction (9%)
• 9) To much fighting (9%)
• 10) Partner does not feel like priority (9%) Top 10 reasons WOMEN get dumped: (Male point of view)
•1) Not ready for a relationship. (15%)•2) Bad hygiene. (10%)•3) Don’t feel like I’m a priority. (10%)•4) Too much fighting. (10%)•5) Your sex drive is too low. (10%)•6) Lack of punctually. (9%)•7) There is someone else. (9%)•8)Bad kisser. (8%)•9) I don’t see a future with you. (8%)•10) Too hairy. (8%) When you fall in love 9/10 people imagine them being with this person for the rest of your life. *Females tend to fantasize about this more than males* When someone is in a relationship they are people that have a connection with the partner. Everything like that is fine and quoted as most people’s relationships as “best time of my life” but what happens when you break up?
In a relationship 79% of all break ups are caused by one person in the relationship. 21% of them are a mutual feeling when you break up what impact does it have on yourself? Stop and think.. When you break up you have this to consider how does it affect others around you? How does it affect you? And how does your partner take it. I researched I began to realize the damage a relationship can do. Say you have two friends and they meet and get together. They date for a while and everything is fine, but then they break up. You’re stuck in between a rock and a hard place. It is going to affect both your friends and yourself because you have been in this relationship for suck a time that you miss it. Take the family aspect of it. How many people get introduced to this person if you have been with them for a while? Everyone gets to know them. If you have this person ripped from your life (break up, divorce, death) then it is going to hurt. More people break up on a bad note. Majority of people want the other person back. Each person has an attachment to each other and majority of the time it is affection not love that relationship will end. BREAK UP SONGS “Forget You” (or “F— You”) by Cee-Lo
“Survivor” by Destiny’s Child
“Stronger” by Britney Spears
“You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette
“Since U Been Gone” by Kelly Clarkson
“Bye Bye Bye” by N-Sync
“We Are Never, Ever Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift
“Don’t Speak” by No Doubt Body Language Chapter 4 Body Language A research was held at the University of Pennsylvania to determine to what extent a person's body language can affect the impression people form of him.
55 percent of the impression people form of you is based on your postures , body movements and gestures
38 percent was based on the tone of your voice (tempo and frequency).
Only 7 percent was based on what you say.
In other words this means that if you learned how to read body language you will be able to interpret people's emotions with a 93% accuracy. The private distance: When you become interested in someone you leave a smaller personal space bubble compared to the space you leave between someone you don't have those feelings for. You'll notice the same from someone who you may think is interested in you.
Orientation/zero angle: “orienting” themselves in your direction is a powerful sign of attraction in body language. This means shoulders parallel of yours and toes pointing in your direction.
Why am I happy?: Smiling while talking to you even though there's nothing to smile about is a good indication the person likes you. Even if they try to hide it to make it less obvious
Nice or not?: Ever notice someone who's particularly nice one day and ignores you the other day? That’s also be a sign of interest. This is the way of saying “I showed a lot of signs today! But they still didn't really reciprocate them. Tomorrow I'm going to ignore them and see what happens then”. Negative signs were to cover the tracks, to avoid rejection or embarrassment . Love Triangle Chapter 7 Love Triangle The Consummate Love Triangle consists of three parts; intimacy passion and commitment positioned at each point.
1. Intimacy, being the specialness of the relationship and that bonding and closeness you develop with the person.
2. Passion, being the excitement or arousal in the relationship.
3. Commitment, being the decision to love one another. Furthermore it comes in two forms; short term and long term. The short term is I love you’s and basically just acknowledging the love connection. Long term is the maintaining that love through the storms.
This theory was created by Robert Sternberg, who created the triangle to join the three components and create the different kind of loving relationships.
Researchers have shown that when shown pictures of our loved ones, that areas of our brains with high receptors of dopamine are activated. MRI scans have actually shown that the brain pattern for romantic love are similar to and overlap those of sexual arousal, happiness, and cocaine-induced euphoria.
Other areas of the brain that have been linked to love include the septal area, (responsible for pleasure), the frontal lobe, (responsible for trust, respect, and desire). Erich Fromm Chapter 1 The Scientific Side of Love Erich Fromm Breakups Body Language Love Triangle The Science of Love Focusing: If you're interested in someone you're more likely to pay attention to them. If not your attention tends to wander.
Diluted eyes: While you talk to someone you like or find attractive, your eyes dilate (or get bigger) out of excitement as you try to take in the surroundings.
Lip Biting/ Mouth Moving: Subconsciously girls may bite their lips or lick their lips when they're interested in someone. Some girls do it deliberately to try to flirt. don't try it, rarely it looks natural.
Arms: Women who keep their arms close to them is a sign of discomfort. So leaving their arms free at their sides is a sign that they're comfortable around you. (or at least with themselves.) Also, women who leaves their wrists up is kind of an “I trust you” motion.
The voice: The way someone talks tells you more than what they say. If someone's trying to get along with you, they'll naturally start to sound like you. Changing in voice patterns, same tone, speed, or level. Maybe even phrases. Body Language The Scientific Side of Love The Amygdala, located in tot frontal portion of the temporal lobe, is what gives you the ability to feel certain emotions, and to then identify them in other people. With direct connections to all sensory systems of the brain, it is considered the emotional center of the brain, and plays a large role in many of the emotions surrounding love.
All romantic love begins with attraction. Whether the relationship starts off as just friends, or you are just meeting for the first time, a romantic relationship only develops once there is attraction. Our brain process the other’s appearance, lifestyle, presence, how they relate to past individuals we know, and, based on that, we decide if they are attractive.
Almost immediately after attraction, our brain releases an adrenaline-like chemical reaction (including phenylethylamine, which quickens the flow of information between nerve cells; dopamine, and norepinephrine, both of which make you feel good and simulate the production of adrenaline.
Later in a relationship, the brain releases endorphins, which gives off the feeling of comfort and tranquility, making it easier to become attached to someone. They are not as exciting as the chemicals released during attraction, but they are more addiction, causing someone to feel irresistible, and it is the absences of these chemicals when we lose a loved one that make us feel so sad. The more you are exposed to something, the more you learn to like it, this is the exposure effect. Videos:
Smell of Love
Exposure Effect Break-ups Here are some things to look out for:
•Initiating most of the phone calls, or time spent together.
•Wanting to talk about the relationship/friendship more than the other.
•Feelings of anxiety, or uncomfortable during separation times.
•Concerned or unhappy when the other seems perfectly satisfied and happy when not together.
•Wanting to know everything the other does, thinks, and feels.
•Feeling as though the others wants and needs are more important than yours.
•Carrying the most responsibility for the relationship success.
•Feeling as though you can’t make it on your own if you leave the relationship/friendship.
•Unintentionally pushing away others because of the time spent on the relationship
Chapter 10 More on Dating More on Dating More on Dating Remember, that it’s okay to develop relationships with people and want that comfort and security and happiness with the other person. But it is through our own development as a whole person that we can find our self-worth, which enables us to pick and choose our relationships with someone of mutual high self-worth that can share our worth rather than use each other’s.