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Life's Mysteries Unfold: how to be happy
Transcript of Life's Mysteries Unfold: how to be happy
Which coping strategies are helpful and which are harmful?(In time of family crisisChanging the underlying beliefs about what is important):
Continuous Family Stress
How to “trouble proof” your family?
How can I learn to deal
with stress and anxiety?
There's no place like home
To Be Happy
By Reducing Stress
Can I learn to change the negative feelings I have?
Where does my anxiety come from?
Family Systems Theory:
“The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.” (Ingoldsby 5)
Family Crucibles and Healing
“Why is this happening to me? Why must she suffer? If God loves us, why did He allow the person I love to die? Am I not righteous enough? How families answer these questions has a profound influence on how adversity affects their lives”.
"The connection between lower marital quality and higher levels of stress might be circular; living under high stress can affect the marriage while the lowered marital quality also seems to affect the higher level of stress.
Though a good percentage of the respondents reported that they did not see the level of threat impacting their marriage, those nearer the border did (generally) report lower marital quality.
Whether the couples’ typology and resources (social, psychological) had a significant impact on the quality of the marriage despite of very real threats of loss, injury, or death.
Those in the high-exposure group report more areas of impact upon marriage, both positive and negative.
In this study, couple resilience—the ability to bounce back and make adjustments within the relationship without coming apart—was found to be the only thing that helped to keep marital quality high while experiencing these great threats of loss and death." (Dr. Michal Shamai)
"The researchers noted that the families who seemed to have few or no redefining troubles reported to have clearly defined roles within the family, and that individual members of those families took great care to maintain those roles. 'Closely associated with this characteristic was the acceptance of a common definition of the good of the family. This meant, in
practice, that the family thought of itself as a unit and acted as a unit. Nor was compulsion the motivating force in this unified action'"" (Williams 59)
"Cognitive Model: is based on the idea that negative thoughts cause anxiety. Every time you feel anxious or afraid, it’s because you’re telling yourself that something terrible is about to happen." (Burns 6-7)
about yo happen!
"Exposure Model: is based on the idea that avoidance
is the cause of all anxiety" (Burns 7)
"Hidden Emotion Model: is based on the idea that niceness is the cause of all anxiety" (Burns 7)
"Biological Model: is based on the idea that anxiety and depression result from a chemical imbalance in the brain and that you’ll have to take a pill to correct it." (Burns 7)
Hill’s Truncated Roller Coaster Profile of Adjustment * According to Hill, “‘each responsible member’ of the family ‘experiences a roller-coaster pattern of personal shock, disorganization, recovery, readjustment’” He stated that adaptability was more critical to the success of the family in crisis than were the other factors they had studied. " (Weber 58)
Reaction to this first stressor, the first disorganization or disruption in function
Process of adjusting to the changes
Level of organization/disorganization after the adjustment was complete
Reactions and preparation
Level of organization at post-adjustment measuring point
Hill created a model based on his observations called the
-ABCX Model of Stress
A” Actual Event
B” Both Resources and Responses
X” Total Experience
"The Daily Mood Log is based on the idea that when you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel." (Burns 19)
Step 1: “Write a brief description of the upsetting event at the top of the Daily Mood Log. Choose any moment when you were feeling anxious
or upset.” (Burns 12)
Step 2. "Emotions. Circle the words that describe how you were feeling at that moment, and rate each feeling on a scale from 0% (not at all) to 100% (extreme). Put these ratings in the “% Before” column." (Burns 12)
Step 3: "Negative Thoughts. Pinpoint the negative thoughts that are associated with ach feeling. Ask yourself questions like this: “When I feel guilty, what am I thinking? What thoughts are flowing across my mind?” Or “When I feel anxious and worried, what am I telling myself?” For example, if you’re feeling depressed, you may be telling yourself that you’re worthless or unlovable. Indicate how much you believe each thought on a scale from 0% (not at all) to 100% (completely). Put these ratings in the “% Before” column."
Step 4. "Distortions. Identify the distortions in each negative thought, using the Checklist of Cognitive Distortions at the bottom of the second page of the Daily Mood Log." (Burns 12)
Step 5. "Positive Thoughts. Challenge each negative thought with a new thought that’s more positive and realistic. Indicate how much you believe each positive thought on a scale from 0% (not at all) to 100% (completely). Put these ratings in the “% Belief” column. Now rate your belief in your negative thoughts again, and put the new ratings in the “% After” column. " (Burns 12)
(Loving the Spectrum)
Being mindful, a way
to reduce stress.
““[Mindfulness] is simply observing,
watching, examining. You are not a
judge but a scientist” (Goldstein pg 1).
Taking the time to reflect back on past challenges
in your life can help you to figure out why
you are feeling so stressed right now.
Let me take you on a journey with
Hi! I'm Jack.
Shortly after Jack and Jill were married Jack found himself wondering what went wrong in their marriage. He always felt angry, him and Jill were forever at odds with each other. After going to a counselor Jack decides to take the time to reflect back on his life. He was counseled to be mindful. It didn’t take Jack very long to figure out that his stress and anxiety wasn’t coming from his marriage to Jill, but rather he had been feeling guilty about some things that he had done before he met Jill and it was causing him a great deal of stress and anxiety. Taking the time to become mindful really helped him out!
Aside from making myself become a person who is more mindful, what can I do to help my children to become more resilient?
Raising Resilient Children
“Positive parent-child relationships help children feel secure, and they promote more consistent supervision and discipline. Moreover, they contribute to cognitive and social development both through direct instructional activities, such as helping with homework, and through the indirect processes associated with mentoring, caring, and nurturing.”
“family milieu which is where the child has a positive relationship with at least one parent. Important family variables include “cohesion, warmth, harmony, supervision, and absence of neglect.”
“We cope with crisis and adversity by making meaning of our experience: linking it to our social world, to our cultural and religious beliefs, to our multigenerational past, and to our hopes and dreams for the future. How families view their problems and their options can make all the difference between coping and mastery or dysfunction and despair.”
"The idea of home also extends to a sense of community beyond the immediate family and intertwined in meaning and experience “It is a powerful cultural fiction that we not only can, but must, make up our deepest beliefs in the isolation of our private selves"
Here's my take on how to strengthen your families resilience:
Make your family want to say that there is no place like home
No matter what kind of stress your relationship or family is under, whether it be:
Or your geographical location
One thing is certain, your family will be impacted and it is with in your abilities to control the desired emotional outcome.
Least effective :
Seeking help from a
local counseling agency
Saying “I love you”
Changing overall way of thinking
about existence. Praying together
regarding the situation at hand
Taking the time to carefully learn how each family member is experiencing the situation.
Taking the time to talk with each other about how we see and think about the situation with which we are dealing
Our family crucibles don't have to effect us negatively, we can choose to become bonadjusted rather then maladjusted. Meaning, that as a family we can find a way to find the joy in the journey- and to find the meaning in our trials.
Work cited page
Goldstein, E, and Stahal, B. “Mindfulness-based stress reduction workbook”. Harbinger Publications, Inc. 2010 Oakland, CA.
Rainbow smiley face (http://katkinnie.wordpress.com/2013/06/15/songs-to-make-you-feel-good-part-1/)
Happiness except you quote (http://positivitytoolbox.net/be-happy-with-yourself.html)
Choose to be happy (http://hopeoflight.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/choose-to-be-happy/)
Balloons background (http://balloon-network.tumblr.com/)
Avoidance turtle (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201005/avoidance-anxiety-self-sabotage-how-running-away-can-bite-you-i)
Nice picture (http://confidentperformer.wordpress.com/2013/09/02/being-nice-to-people-on-the-way-up/)
Face balloon (http://www.coverbooth.com/covers/cover/3543/the-smiley-face-balloons-cute-pair-love-timeline-banners)
Chemical imbalance (http://www.dancingnakedaroundbonfires.com/several-sessions-in-for-brain-balance/)
Ecological map: (http://kyl74.wordpress.com/ecological-map-2/)
Roller Coaster (http://www.marapets.com/rollercoaster.phpHills)
Williams, Michael D. Department of Home and Family. Brigham University- Idaho. 2013
Budah picture. Deschene, Lori.http://tinybuddha.com/welcome-cosmo-readers/
Marcy flower picture http://fearlesslyjustme.blogspot.com/2012/08/living-fearlessly-bloom-where-you-are.html#.UxlMtuddXmo
continuous family stress