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Lonely transition

need of support
by

Lotti Voute

on 5 August 2013

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Transcript of Lonely transition

Carla: "I was 17 when I left trade-school. I found a job in a ship-sail-makery. I didn't get along easily with people and most of all I had a problem with keeping contact. Like having a group of friends or so. It was as if all other kids in school and later were "solid" friends with each other, many kept friendships alive. My parents couldn't, my brothers neither, when we left home, the entire family simply fell apart. What I missed in the last part of school and the beginning of a job were peers, other people in the same age and situation. I was incredibly lonely. There was nobody to exchange with about this kind of time, when school fell away, and
you found yourself suddenly out there
on your own."
I am now a lot older, but I remember so clearly what I missed when I left school.
I was alone, utterly alone. I went to my job in the morning, insecure. Later someone told me my boss had wanted me back when I left - I had no idea when I worked there if he appreciated what I did...
In the evening I went back home, to a lonely rented room. I didn't have the faintest idea how to connect to people.
Carla: "The 'solution' was that I found a friend just not to be alone anymore. It was not love, but we lived together for two years. I was lucky, a strong man came along and he pulled me away from there and "we lived happily ever after". But if that had not happened, I would have gone down together with my friend, both not able to cope with the world. "
My thoughts about Carla: If there had been a group of peers, so they could have shared experiences, socialize, discuss, solve problems with and for each other, that would have made a world of difference. The transition would have gone from school to world instead of to seeking safety.
Now she attached herself to one single person in a similar situation, rather making things worse than better.
She can tackle problems on her own and enjoy that a lot. She is really good at that. But without others who see and listen and exchange with her, she slowly dies mentally.
Not all parents embed that in children, so later they don't know how to find friends or make a group.
Feelings need support.
The transition school to work is not only a matter of finding the road in society and jobs. It is an important transition in yourself as well, from school-"child" to adult on her own legs.
When this gets no support, success in a job will be delayed or even made impossible.

My view: what is missing is a way to turn children into responsible and confident adults. Our society is missing something like initiation rituals.
Ways of the brain, like "mending" it with tutors or such, is only aimed at the symptoms. Parents can raise a child, but not give it a "myth for life". Schools can teach skills but no "roots".

Open but vulnerable young woman with a big capacity for enthusiasm for what draws her interest, and with clever hands, eager to "do".
make and keep contact with others.
without this contact and exchange her motivation withers. It is very hard to go on and on alone.
Having others you can go to for information, discussion, fun, being curious about each other, giving or getting advice - even from someone who hardly knows more than yourself - is essential for making contact with "the big world".
The big world can feel like this...
How do "they" do what they do, how come they look happy, how come they have friends...
Where is the manual???
work can be joyful... but you have to "be present in your life" yourself, before you can share.
If you are no friend of yourself,
work is just plain hard work for a living
say: 8 quotes of 10-20
do: 5 of 10 observations
think: 3 of 10
feel:

initiation rituals

learn to network
Many parents teach children "networking", but there are also many who don't know the art themselves.

tutor and groups, "family"
I think one single tutor could be a harbor for many young people. There are 5 work-days in a week. Each enough time for a meeting of a group of 10 to 15 or so, maybe even more, and giving them individual attention as well.
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