Loading presentation...

Present Remotely

Send the link below via email or IM

Copy

Present to your audience

Start remote presentation

  • Invited audience members will follow you as you navigate and present
  • People invited to a presentation do not need a Prezi account
  • This link expires 10 minutes after you close the presentation
  • A maximum of 30 users can follow your presentation
  • Learn more about this feature in our knowledge base article

Do you really want to delete this prezi?

Neither you, nor the coeditors you shared it with will be able to recover it again.

DeleteCancel

Make your likes visible on Facebook?

Connect your Facebook account to Prezi and let your likes appear on your timeline.
You can change this under Settings & Account at any time.

No, thanks

Co-dependency and Counter-dependency

Yin and Yang
by

Kc Phelan

on 24 October 2012

Comments (0)

Please log in to add your comment.

Report abuse

Transcript of Co-dependency and Counter-dependency

Co-dependency ......&...... Counter-dependency The Co-Dependent The Counter-dependent The Faces of Self Doubt. A psychological state in which one's sense of self relies on validation and/or control of others. A relationship in which one or both parties are dependent on the needs/control of the other or ...is defined as: ...is defined as: A psychological state in which someone refuses attachment/denies the need for personal intimacy and dependency Deep rooted fears of abandonment Needy Submissive Self-sacrificing High maintenance Self-loathing Fear of losing control Hyper-sensitive Reactive Defensive Defensive Grandiose Proud Melodramatic Manipulative Indecisive Defiant Narcissistic Ambitious Fear of losing control Reactive "Independent" Insecure Insecure Not in touch with their own limitations Workaholic "In control" "Clingy" "Tough" "loser" mentality feels unwanted Pushes others away Overview: Both Co-dependency and Counter Dependency are defense mechanisms that can be traced back to the same issues:
-Low Self-esteem
-Fear of abandonment
-A need for control
-Possible childhood trauma/dysfunctional family "Always right" "It's my way, or the highway" Emotionally cut off Aggressive Common Types of Co-dependents - "need to be needed"
- resents those who do not need/want their help
- believe that they know what is best for their loved ones.
- may try to live vicariously through their loved ones/bask in reflected glory
- sometimes uses guilt and shame as emotional manipulation "martyr" - may compromise values and pretend to agree with someone just to avoid conflict - loyal and self-sacrificing to a fault - values the feelings of others more than their own --The concept was originally developed in AA, and only used to describe addiction, but has since been elaborated upon.

--it is said that co-dependents generally come from dysfunctional families. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------ -- the concept originates from age appropriate negativism (children/teens asserting themselves by defying their parents. They establish independence by being "opposite".). -Counter-dependency is most often associated with men because of gender roles. In Western society it is considered normal for a man to be "tough" and not need any support or affection. Counterdependent males pride themselves on living up to these standards. -Counter-dependent women, on the other hand, tend to subvert these gender roles by deliberately exhibiting more masculine traits as a way of asserting themselves. Relationships - has very weak/blurry boundaries
- constantly in search of acceptance
- highly reactive to the thoughts and feelings of others - Will play the "martyr" and put other's needs ahead of there own to the point of being self-destructive, as a result, they usually end up doing more harm than good for their loved ones because they are not stable enough to be a sufficient caretaker. - have difficulty making decisions - has a hard time expressing their own personal feelings/needs It is very common for co-dependents and counter dependents to form romantic relationships with one another. As the latter is often a powerful lure for the former. It is very common for co-dependents and counter dependents to form romantic relationships with one another. As the latter is often a powerful lure for the former. The Compliant Codependent The Co-dependent Caretaker: - often takes pride in being the "strong one" in their relationships
- relies on care taking to gain the upper-hand and cope with deep seated insecurities - using sex to gain approval/accepting sex in place of love
- showing/buying affection with with gifts
- having poor boundaries (either too weak or too rigid)
- significant lack of trust in others
- craving companionship, but also feeling as if they don't deserve it Common Characteristics of All Types: Reasons for this:

1. The co-dependent admires and is attracted to one who (seemingly) possesses the strength and independence that they themselves lack.
2. Both parties form a connection because of their shared insecurities. It is possible that the co-dependent will then try to change or "fix" the counter dependent, seeing their narcissism as a cry for help.

Sometimes the two even switch roles after the relationship is formed. Reasons for this:

1. The co-dependent admires and is attracted to one who (seemingly) possesses the strength and independence that they themselves lack.
2. Both parties form a connection because of their shared insecurities. It is possible that the co-dependent will then try to change or "fix" the counter dependent, seeing their narcissism as a cry for help.

Sometimes the two even switch roles after the relationship is formed. These relationships usually fail because of the counter dependent's fear of intimacy clashing with the co-dependent's constant need for validation and people-pleasing.

Although many counter dependents may actually desire intimacy, the ability to function properly in a relationship does not come naturally to them.
So, when a counter dependent finds them self becoming increasingly intimate with someone, they will generally either put a stop to the relationship, and reject their partner before their partner rejects them, *or* they will begin to mistreat their partner by alternating between periods of intimacy and detachment (approach-avoidance repetition complex). This is especially dangerous for co-dependents because they will often put up with this behavior for the sake of "saving" the relationship and making their partner happy. - often feel uncomfortable with getting treatment. Even if they initially wanted it, they will often feel a desire to flee out of fear of change, regression, and facing personal demons.

-they will find ways to keep their therapist at arm's length by avoiding references to emotion as much as possible. They do not want to relinquish control. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ - reject and despise authority - have deep seated fears of intimacy - are bad team players - resent their own weaknesses and do everything they can to hide/change them - overestimate their strengths/capabilities, sometimes to the point of hurting themselves Counter-dependents....... The "Drama Queen" - has an intense fear of losing control
- controls their environment by feigning helplessness
- will deliberately behave in a childish manner in order to manipulate others into catering to their needs
- uses alleged weaknesses and disabilities to gain sympathy and/or to avoid taking responsibility for their actions Both co- and counter-dependency are very broad terms that cover many layers of psychological issues and subcategories On the surface it may seem as if the two are completely unrelated, apart from being polar opposites. But if you dig a bit deeper, you'll see that it's much more complex than that.
Both co- and counter dependency are rooted in a lot of the same insecurities. - often fear abandonment and loss of control - are constantly pushing others away - both fear abandonment and a loss of control
- both are preoccupied with keeping up appearances in order to preserve their sense of self
- both have issues with properly expressing their personal emotions and needs
and
- both are highly reactive to others and find it difficult to trust people
Full transcript