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Copy of Non Violent Communication
Transcript of Copy of Non Violent Communication
Communication Even in situations of longstanding conflict or hostility,
nonviolent communication can open new doors to compassionate
connection and action. The 4 Step Process of NVC Observations Feelings Needs Requests "Nonviolent communication requires us to be continually conscious of the beauty within ourselves and other people." I feel so sentenced by your words, I feel so judged and sent away,
Before I go I’ve got to know, Is that what you meant to say?
Before I rise to my defense, Before I speak in hurt or fear,
Before I build that wall of words, Tell me, did I really hear?
Words are windows or they are walls, They sentence us or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear, Let the love light shine through me.
If I seemed to put you down, If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words, To the feelings that we share.”
- Ruth Bebermeyer References Jones, S. (2009). Traditional Education or Partnership Education: Which Educational Approach Might Best Prepare Students for the Future. Accessed from: http://www.cnvc.org/sites/cnvc.org/files/NVC_Research_Files/NVC%20in%20Schools/TRADITIONAL_EDUCATION_OR_PARTNERSHIP_EDUCATION_S_Jones.pdf Rosenberg, M. (2003). Non Violent Communication: A language of Life. Puddle Dancer Press Book: United States. Beck, S.R. (2005). Developing Nonviolent Communication: An Integral Approach. Department of Educational Psychology and Leadership Studies: University of Victoria. Puddle Dancer Press (2012). The Basics of Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Accessed from: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/aboutnvc/aboutnvc.htm Brown, M. (2002). Are you a jackal or a giraffe? TES Newspaper. Article accessed from: http://www.tes.co.uk/article.aspx?storycode=371938 Conclusion Non Violent Communication allows us to solve conflicts with more ease, and teaches us to ask for what we want without demanding it. NVC can help us to hear the true needs of others, and strengthen our personal and professional relationships. NVC in education allows us as teachers to get students to open up and express how they are feeling about the educational process, and help them address their personal and educational needs. Porter, L. (2000). Student Behaviour: theory and practice for teachers. McPherson's Printing Group: Victoria. A Language of Life What is Nonviolent
Communication? Take Away Points Words Are Windows or They Are Walls Nonviolent
Communication Founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to remain human, even under trying circumstances. A specific approach to communicating-both listening and speaking- that leads us to give from the heart, connecting us with ourselves and with each other in a way that allow natural compassion to flourish. Guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and hear others. Instead of habitual, automatic reactions, our words become conscious responses based firmly on awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling, and wanting. Replaces our old patterns of defending, withdrawing, or attacking in the face of judgment and criticism. Resistance, defensiveness, and violent reactions are minimized. Fosters respect, attentiveness, and empathy and engenders a mutual desire to give from the heart. The concrete actions we observe that affect our well-being How we feel in relation to what we observe The needs, values, desires, etc. that create our feelings The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives Nonviolent Communication Process
The Effects of Moralistic Judgments
How toIdentifying, Expressing, and Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings
The Power of Empathy
Expressing Anger Fully
The Protective Use of Force “When I learned how I can receive (hear), as well as give (express), through NVC, I went beyond feeling attacked and “doormattish” to really listening to the words and extracting their underlying feelings. I learned to listen for feelings, express my needs, and accept answers that I didn’t always want to hear.” - NVC Workshop Participant NVC is not simply a language or a set of techniques for using words; the consciousness and intent that it embraces may be expressed through silence, a quality of presence, as well as through facial expressions and body language. Moralistic Judgements imply the wrongness or badness on the part of people who do not act in harmony with our own values. Examples: blames, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons, and diagnoses are all forms of judgment. “ The problem with you is that you are too selfish.”
“She’s lazy.” Communicating our desires in the form of demands blocks compassion. Identifying, Expressing, and Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings Identify what you are feeling before you act on emotions. No one is responsible for your feelings- only you are. What others do may be the stimulus for our feelings, but not the cause. Connect your feeling with your need.
“I feel....because I need....” a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing Empathy is... No matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Offering empathy allows us to diffuse potential violence, hear the word “no” without taking it as a rejection, revive a lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence. How to Express Anger 1. Divorce the other person from any responsibility for our anger.
2. Establish a clear distinction between stimulus and cause of anger.
3. The cause of anger lies within our thinking.
> our thoughts of blame and judgment. Step 1: Step 2: 1. Identify our judgmental thoughts.
> Deeper reasons for why we feel so angry. Step 3: 1. Connect with our needs that are behind our thoughts.
2. Empathize with the other person.
>The more we hear them, the more they will hear us. Step 4: Express our feelings and unmet needs.
>People don’t hear our pain when they feel they are at fault. We must be able to distinguish the difference between protective force and punitive force.
Instances of imminent danger: The use of force should be used to protect life or individual rights.
Key: Thinking Behind the Force: The intention behind the protective use of force is only to protect, not to punish, blame, or condemn.
The punitive use of force tends to generate hostility. When the Use of Force is Acceptable With Nonviolent Communication, you’ll learn to... Put your primary focus on connection through empathic listening rather than “being right” or “getting what you want”
Transform conflict into mutually satisfying outcomes
Defuse anger and frustration peacefully
Create personal and professional relationships grounded in mutual respect, compassion, and emotion safety
Break patterns of thinking that lead to arguments, depression, or even emotional and physical violence
Move beyond power struggles to cooperation and trust Shared Experience! Dezerae Nash-Spacek, LPC-MHSP Licensed Professional Counselor
Mental Health Service Provider Calming Overwhelming Feelings
Understanding Yourself and Others
Managing Stress and Anger Questions!