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NLP communication model

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by

Charl Oberholzer

on 9 August 2016

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Transcript of NLP communication model

Generalise
Emotional Intelligence

Generalise
Distort
Delete
Meta-programmes:
Global / Specific
Judger / Perceiver
Internal / External
Sameness/ Difference
Towards / Away from
Cause / Effect
Skill #1: Matching communication style of others
Step 1: Identify preference
Step 2: Match preference
Step 1: Identify preference
Words (7%)

Sensory preferences
See
Hear
Feel
Key words
Common experience
Content chunks
Predicates
Eye accessing cues
Tonality (38%)
Tone
Tempo
Volume
Physiology (55%)
Posture
Relaxed?
Happy?
Gesture
Finger tapping?
Moving feet?
Unconscious movements
Facial expressions
Eyebrows
Micro-expressions
Eye dilation / Lip size
Breathing
Upper, middle or lower
Based on modality match:
Understanding behaviour
All behaviour has a positive intention
People are not their behaviours
Resistance is a lack of rapport
The meaning of communication is the response you get
Respect the others person's model of the world
Presuppositions:
Fight or Flight
EQ of fight & flight
Your style under stress
Skill #2: Controlling conflicts
Step 1: Stop talking, listen
Step 2: Breathe
Step 3: Notice & Acknowledge
Step 4: Rename
Step 5: A.M.P.P
Step 6: Rebuild safety
Step 7: Tell your story
RESULTS
1. Understanding how communication works

Filters
Beliefs
Meta-programmes
Internal map
2. Skill #1: Matching communication style
Step 1: Identify preference (Words, Tonality, Physiology)
Step 2: Match preference
START
1. Understanding how communication works

Filters
Communication style
2. Skill #1: Matching communication style
Step 1: Identify preference (Words, Tonality, Physiology)
Step 2: Match preference
1
Communication
2
Behaviour
3
Influence
Important principles:
The person with the most flexibility achieve the most
Values & beliefs are:
Perceptual filters
Distortions
Have motivational importance (from and away)
Association and disassociation
THE FRAMEWORK
FIRST POSITION
Associated
Your side of the story
What you want
Selfish position
Negatives:
Can be egotistical, insensitive and trample on feelings of others
SECOND POSITION
Associated with "other" by matching:
Posture
Breathing
Gestures
Hear person's voice
Imagine as if it is you
Negatives:
Emotionally draining to take over other people's problems or prioritze their needs before your own
THIRD POSITION
Helicopter view / fly on the wall
Stand outside of the experience
Disassociated
Objective
Negatives:
We can become detached and come across emotionless
USES OF PERCEPTUAL POSITIONS
Solving conflict between team members
Improving empathy between team members
Making a difficult decision
Preparing for meetings / phone calls / presentations
Skill #3: Create empathy
Step 1: Select a relationship
Step 2: Enter first position
Step 3: Break state
Step 4: Second position
Step 5: Break state
Step 6: Third position
Step 7: Return to first position
Step 8: Repeat cycle
Skill #3: Perceptual positions
Six sources of influence
Lateral thinking
Abstract vs Detail language
Intention vs Behaviour
Power of abstract language
Uses:
Getting agreement
Finding true intentions
Resolving conflict
Attaching value to vision
Metaphors
Conscious vs unconcious
Milton language
Multi-sensory language
Well formed outcomes
• Positive terms
• Control
• Context
• Sensory-based
• Evidence based
• Boundaries
• Resources
• Secondary gains
• Ecology

Begin with the end in mind
Language patterns

Mind read
Lost performative
Cause & effect
Complex equivalence
Universal quantifier
Modal operator
Nominalizations
The more
Lack of referential index
Pace current experience
Double bind
Embedded commands
Conversational postulate
Utilization
Negative commands
Comparative deletion
Tag questions
Top vs bottom system
Milton models:
Meta models:
Comparative deletion
Simple deletion
Nominalization
Complex equivalence
Cause and effect
Rules of judgement
Beliefs of necessity
Beliefs of impossibility
Vague verbs/nouns
Lack of reference
Universal generalizations
Mind read
17 x 24
David Stenbill
Monica Bigoutski
Shana Tirana
Anchoring
Determine your own communication style
Six critical questions
Why do we exist?
How do we behave?
What do we do?
How will we succeed?
What is most important right now?
Who must do what?

Be Prepared
Body language
Influence techniques
Language patterns & sales narratives
Self motivation (science of happiness)
Resolving limiting beliefs
Finding your why
Measuring your communication style
1911 - Ronald Amundsen & Robert Scott
17 January 1912
"the capacity to recognize your own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and then using the emotional information to guide your thinking and behaviour"



6. Change their space
Use data (guinea data)
Technology & tools (popcorn, plates, containers)
1. Help them love what they hate
Allow for choice (pain killers, drugs, eating)
Create direct experiences (injured patients)
Tell meaningful stories (Biff)
Make it a game
2. Help them do what they can't
Deliberate practice (HIV from 14%-90% prevention with scripts)
Immediate feedback (chess,swimming)
Mini goals (basketball, 70% vs 55%)
3. Provide encouragement
Opinion leaders (guinea worm, John Lancaster lime juice)
Change norms
Sacrifice time, money, ego
4. Provide assistance
Interdependance (Dr. Ynus 98%)
Responsibility (Soul City)
Solidarity (Thailand HIV)
5. Change their economy
Intrinsic reward, then social support & extrinsic rewards
Behaviors not results (drug vouchers)
Reward correct behavior (Your child and drugs, reading, guinea worm t-shirt)
Full transcript