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Funny Fortune Cookies

Write your own, and I'll put them on my Prezi!
by

Crazy Band Nerd

on 16 April 2015

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Transcript of Funny Fortune Cookies

Welcome
, and
thank you
for watching!

Please
enjoy
the halariousness of the following
fortune cookies
. Some I found as so, and some I wrote myself. (
Please know
- some of these cookies may come off as
offensive
- I assure you,
I mean no offense
.)
Tell me: which are your
favorites
?
(
Comment
!)
Can you think of any I should
add
?
(
Comment
!)
Above all else, please
rate
and
comment
!
Don't eat me!
Congratulatins! You have won the lottery!
Be careful! There will be something made of paper in your fortune cookie today!
Tag! You're it!
THIS. MESSAGE. WILL. SELF. DESTRUCT.
The person on your left smells.
Save 15% on car insurance!
I fart in your general direction!
If I tell you your fortune, it wont come true.
NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODE - 632606317
THIS PAGE LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK
I predict I shall tell your fortune.
This fortune is a fake. Try another.
Eat at Joe's.
They guy at the next table got your fortune.
You smell funny.
You grabbed the wrong cookie.
You ARE going to eat the cookie, aren't you?
If you're reading this, it's too late.
When someine offers you a breath mint, take it.
Nothing to see here!
The winning lotter number was in yesterday's cookie.
You grabbed the wrong cookie.
I am not a napkin.
I would tell you your fortune, but then I would have to kill you.
Dude! Go to a palm reader.
I do not taste good.
This message was brought to you by . . .
I'm really made of recycled toilet paper.
Forget the fortune! Go live your life!
What makes you think I actually know your fortune?
Insert coin for fortune.
Go read a book.
What were you expecting, something life-changing?
Nahhh . . . not going to tell you.
We were going to backe you a cake, but someone put me in a cookie.
You won! Take this to the casheer for five dollars added to your bill.
This is a Geocahse sign-up list . . . where am I?!
What gives you the right to kill that cookie!?
I was put in this cookie in 1942. What year is it?
I dropped this one. Is it dry yet?
Knock knock.
I've been writing these dumb fortunes all day. YOU tell me something!
I dare you - eat the fortune - throw the cookie away.
Why did you break that cookie?
Don't staple me to your finger.
Try putting ME in a vending machine!
Thank you! I could hardly breathe in there!
Don't do it.
Will you marry me?
I'm really a pH test strip.
Guess where I've been!
Someone left the faucet on.
Looser!
No! Put me back!
Stop signs are your friends.
This fortune was rated four stars.
Caution: Paper cuts possible.
Apply lemons to reveal message.
Topsay ignsay reaay ouryay riendsfay.
For their eyes only.
Now you've done it!
BATHROOM HALL PASS
Get out of jail free card
Caution! Rated PG-13
The alians have landed.
Don't eat yellow snow.
Thank you! It was very dark in there!
I like this restruant!
My life is but to serve you, my leige.
Your wish is my command.
5 cents recycle fee
The cookie's injured! Call 911!
Release me!
Oops! I forgot what I was going to write down.
Open the other one first.
Please deposit into suggestion box.
Place me in your drink for a suprise.
Coupon for one free fork
Eat me first!
In my first life, I was a chopstick.
You are the perfect age for your face.
Don't leave me here!
Random acts of kindness is for moral people.
Sorry . . . not a winning ticket.
I used to be a recipt.
Take a number:
Fortune cookie says:
Moving violation.
You need your 3D glasses to read me.
I was born a spit wad in third grade.
If you put this cookie back together, I'll grant you a wish.
Secret decoder message inside.
I'll give you three guesses.
Feed me!
Please disregard if you are not the intended recipiant.
Propose to your TV.
I dare you to make a paper airplane out of me.
Take one and pass it down.
Buy one get one free.
Go straight to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect your salery.
Go fish.
Yes.
No.
Ask again later.
Maybe.
Highly unlikely.
Probbably.
COLOR SAMPLE:
Do not remove under penalty of law.
Never mind.
Closed for lunch.
Machine washable. Tumble dry only. Use like colors.
These are not the droids you are looking for.
Warning: Highly flamable.
Warning: Do not expose to open air.
Not a floatation device.
1-800-WEMAKEYOURFORTUNE
Please note, this is NOT a real number.
Can be used at toll booth.
This fortune expired yesterday.
Open at other end.
Quick! to the Batmobile!
I owe you.
Took you too long to open the cookie. Thanks for playing!
Take a message.
Checked for
fungus.
Do not read fine print.
If found, return to casheer.
Full transcript