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My Toaster has no Bagel Setting :(

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by

Amber Gales

on 26 March 2015

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Transcript of My Toaster has no Bagel Setting :(

My Toaster has no Bagel Setting :(
Materialistic First World Problems...

By: Amber Gales
"I can't believe I bought a toaster with no bagel setting." ~Peter Watts

@peter_watts
Solution #1

Just use the lowest setting...
Solution #2

Use your clothing iron
instead

Solution #3

Put the bagel under the
hood of your car, and drive for
approximately 3 1/2 hours.
Solution #4

Hold a magnifying glass directly
between the sun and your
bagel. Stare at it intimately for 45 minutes. Kiss and carees it while it cools.
Solution #5

Sit on your bagel.

But... ya know... buy it dinner first.
Solution #6

Hold the "Zack Morris" cellphone over your bagel and allow radiation to seep from your foot long phone into you bagel for 15 minutes or until you get cancer.
Solution #7

Visit the sun. Place bagel on surface for precisely 2.345E-70 milliseconds. Die.
Solution #8

Leave bagel in Iraq for 4 seconds. Eat under extreme gunfire and try not to die.

Ask your bagel why it joined the service in the first place. Seriously. It has some crazy political motives or a hidden agenda or something. Do not trust it. It's a trap. At least demand tribute.
You could always just buy
another toaster... I mean... These are first world about here. We all know you're not poor.
Solution #9
Solution #10

Plug in the toaster you already bought, turn to highest setting, grasp fork firmly, place in toaster slot.

Now we don't have to hear you complain ever again.
Full transcript