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My Toaster has no Bagel Setting :(
Transcript of My Toaster has no Bagel Setting :(
Materialistic First World Problems...
By: Amber Gales
"I can't believe I bought a toaster with no bagel setting." ~Peter Watts
Just use the lowest setting...
Use your clothing iron
Put the bagel under the
hood of your car, and drive for
approximately 3 1/2 hours.
Hold a magnifying glass directly
between the sun and your
bagel. Stare at it intimately for 45 minutes. Kiss and carees it while it cools.
Sit on your bagel.
But... ya know... buy it dinner first.
Hold the "Zack Morris" cellphone over your bagel and allow radiation to seep from your foot long phone into you bagel for 15 minutes or until you get cancer.
Visit the sun. Place bagel on surface for precisely 2.345E-70 milliseconds. Die.
Leave bagel in Iraq for 4 seconds. Eat under extreme gunfire and try not to die.
Ask your bagel why it joined the service in the first place. Seriously. It has some crazy political motives or a hidden agenda or something. Do not trust it. It's a trap. At least demand tribute.
You could always just buy
another toaster... I mean... These are first world about here. We all know you're not poor.
Plug in the toaster you already bought, turn to highest setting, grasp fork firmly, place in toaster slot.
Now we don't have to hear you complain ever again.