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How to be a Troll

A step-by-step instruction guide, teaching the art of the troll, and giving helpful trolling tips.
by

Brendan Birce

on 18 March 2011

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Transcript of How to be a Troll

HOW-TO-BE-A-TROLL A Beginner's Guide to Online Annoyance 8-18 8A Computer Tech Mr. Malloy Brendan Birce STEP 01:
FIND A COMPUTER A computer is most absolutely necessary if you wish to begin your magical adventure of insulting others for no reason. If you are hidden behind the screen of a computer, your target will have to idea who you are, therefore will not be able to effectively judge you. STEP 02: TURN ON AFOREMENTIONED COMPUTER To turn on your computer, press the Power Button. After a short time, it should be ready for action. Also, depending on the computer, you may have to log in as well. Remember your password, rookies. Be cautious, as this is easily the most difficult step. STEP 03: OPEN THE INTERNET Once your computer has been turned on, it's time to open the Internet, and advance in your quest. Explorer, Firefox, Safari, any of them work, so just pick one and you're golden. You are almost ready to being trolling. There's only one problem: You don't know how to troll! Troll: someone who posts off-topic or rude things on the internet, often with the sole purpose of annoying others or starting a fight.
Also, this picture is known as the trollface, put simply, the mark of the troll use it only in dire situations, do not overuse the brilliant power that is the trollface. STEP 04: MASTER THE ART OF THE TROLL STEP 05: FIND A CAUSE Now that you have the basics of trolling down, you need some intense practise if you want to be a master. The best place for beginners to troll would be a Justin Bieber music video on Youtube, or something similar. This is easy practise, as there are millions of things to critizise about Justin Bieber (his fugly hair, his girl voice, makeup, etc.) Perfect target for trolling.
Just sayin'. STEP 06: BE AS CRITICAL AS POSSIBLE Rudeness and being a critic is absolutely key to being a troll. Find ANYTHING you could possibly make fun of something for, and use that weakness to your advantage. If worst comes to worst, say something that doesn't make ANY sence. After all, nobody can aregue with nonesence. A master troll at work STEP 07: USE EXPLICIT WORDING Bad language always adds legitimacy to your trolling. The worst swears are always the most effective, as they make people realize that you mean serious business. To put things into perspective, if your trolling had a censor, you'd want it to sound like morse code. STEP 08: CYNICAL OR SARCASTIC REMARKS Again, being sarcastic and cynical is absolutely key to trolling, especially if you can be witty about it. Your brilliance will psych out your opponent, and after they finish crying, they'll never mess with you again. Try being like this lady: STEP 09: STAY ON FOCUS Don't let your opponent distract you from your goal. Remember that your goal is to annoy others until it literally drives them insane, sending them to an asylum. Never forget your purpose. STEP 10: LIVE BY THE MOTTO "Hate; Don't appreciate". Live by these words said by a wise troll long ago, and you will never fail. Now that you are an expert on trolling, go ahead and use your newfound knowledge in the world. Remember all the things I've taught you today, and you are destined for great thngs.
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