Premium Talk - Fall 2021

Hey budge and everybody at Premier Sotheby's International Realty, thanks

so much for having me.

I'm really excited to be presenting to you today.

And I'm going to start by answering your question budge

on what is the behavior I'm seeing in top agents

and what's the difference I've seen?

And the people that I coached, the top agents I

coach around the country in the last 20, I'm gonna

call 20 months, it's almost the last two years, but

maybe it's last more 20 months.

And the biggest difference I've seen is that those top

agents are have really created a divide between what I

call the a plus players and the a minus players

and those a plus players took off in these last

20 months and they literally went from doing 100 to

150 million in revenue sales to 203 104 100 okay.

In sales volume.

And they really capitalized on these markets and the way

that they did it is they just upped their game,

they got really good at managing their team.

They got really good at holding meetings, starting them on

time, ending them on time holding people accountable, delegating stuff

that they couldn't do.

They became amazing at managing all their clients.

They did not let their ego get in the way

they did not get in the way of the work.

They became smarter and faster and quicker.

And they just really optimize their time, their energy and

everything and brought their game to an entirely new level.

And because of that, they have been able to service

their clients at a whole other level.

And what I see is the a minus players who

are still very good at real estate and good at

doing the work are still a little bit stuck and

perfectionism as a way of life, still not able to

delegate, still struggling with managing.

Those people are getting that really good assistant because they

just can't figure out and get out of their own

way when it comes to that stuff.

So that's the big shift that I've seen there.

Um so today I want to talk a little bit

to you guys about how you step into your power

And you know, continue to rise in 2020 and there

are different ways that we're going to talk about doing

that. But the first thing I want to point out

and I say this to all my clients all the

time, which is that the only person who's standing in

the way of you and your greatest success is you.

So you gotta get yourself out of your own way

and we're going to talk about how to do that.

Okay, So they're forming ways that I'm going to talk

about it today, The first is changing your story line.

We all have story lines that tell us who we

are and what we do and we're gonna talk a

little bit about how to leverage the part of that,

that's good and let go of the part that's not

number two, we're not, we're gonna talk about understanding failure

and what failure means to you and how you recover

from it.

We're going to talk about how to listen to the

feedback so that you can really grow and really hear

it and last we're going to talk about how to

optimize your time because let's face it, time is finite.

You only have so much of it, so you really

have to be able to optimize it.

Okay, so starting with our storylines, um, storylines are built

in our imprinting years and our imprinting years happen at

the very beginning of our lives.

So I'm gonna talk about that a little bit more,

but let's say first our storylines come, what does the

storyline and where does it come from?

So our storylines come from our origins like where are

we from?

Our we italian are we immigrants?

Are we, do we come over on the Mayflower um,

in our geography, where did we grow up?

We grew up in the city, do we grew up

on a farm?

Did we grew up in the suburbs, our beliefs and

our religious background, you know, what were we taught?

How were our values?

Talk to us?

What was our family like?

We're in a really big family and we were the

oldest and the youngest or we were an only child,

our appearance where we tall, we're sure we're skinny, we

have a, you know, whatever our intelligence was a big

factor Do we think of ourselves as intelligent and how

did all of that play into our life?

Our talents, athleticism or musical or artistic or funny and

interesting our personality.

You know how we engage with people and make connections

and how people remember remember us and all kinds of

other things come into play When it comes to our

storylines and how we define ourselves.

So let's talk a little bit about these imprinting years.

So imprinting years as I said earlier, um they start

the moment we are born and they typically are completed

by the age of 10.

After this timeframe you can no longer imprint.

You still learn but without the ease and instinct of

the imprinting time.

So in printing is an imprinting is considered irreversible.

So think of it as like a blueprint in your

life. This becomes the blueprint of your life.

The rapid learning that happens early in life leaves a

lasting impact.

Impact on the behaviour and yourself Perception.

Okay, so these imprinting years, they're not reversible, right?

They happen during this major time, the 1st 10 years

of your life and after that we have to learn

over it.

So what we want to be thinking about during that

time is what were you told during that time?

What adjectives were used to describe you growing up.

Um and how did that make you feel where you

agreeable, where you quiet, where you're funny competitive, angry.

You consider tough?

Where you consider capable, where you consider big or weak

or difficult where you considered smart or maybe were not

considered smart, were you nice or energetic and on and

on and on?

And how did these adjectives make you feel?

Did they make you feel confident?

Did they make you feel powerful?

Did they make you feel lovable?

Okay. How did these things make you feel okay?

And then the other thing you want to think about

is that girls and boys got very, very different messages,

right? Girls were told, stay home, don't initiate relationships, don't

take risk, Don't be too adventurous, be nice, be kind,

be supportive, help out.

Don't be too talkative or loud or aggressive or competitive

and boys were told the opposite.

Get out there, take adventures, be strong, don't be weak,

don't show weakness, don't stroke vulnerability.

Right? Um, you know, take risk and and initiate relationships

and do stuff like that.

So, girls and boys got very, very different messages during

this time.

And then as we went along, these storylines build on

itself and through our adolescents and our young adulthood, these

experiences shape us and what we were told in those

early years start to form more and more and we

lean into it more and more.

So if we were told that we were really nice

When we were in our teenage years making friends, we

were always the nice one who was trying to help

out if we were told that we were really smart,

we leaned into our book smart and our intelligence, we

try to get really good grades so we could feel

like we were really good at something and so on

and so forth.

These storylines really build momentum during the, during those times

and solidify themselves, but then things happen in our life

as we grow and as throughout all of our youth

and we have failures and we have hardships and these

things can really define us and define this time even

more. And some of those hardships were things that were

events and struggles that were out of our control.

There were not things that we had influence on, we

were just kind of victims of it.

So it could have been a divorce or alcoholism, it

could have been a force move that was really hard

or really great on us.

It could have been an accident and injury, It could

be anything.

Any of the things that happened throughout your youth that

then started to shape you again, it can be in

a positive way, it could be in a negative way,

but these things shaped you as you went along and

then there were things that were in your control, okay,

things that, you know, you didn't make a team or

you guys started getting bad grades or you had a

great success or not, but there were things that happened

that were in your control and what we learned during

this time in our youth is we learned the three

reactions we have to failure and this was taught to

us typically by our parents, but also by other people

who influenced us like teachers and coaches.

So I found that there are three reactions to failure.

The first one is that we learn, we grow and

we make adjustments so we have a failure and we

learn from it.

It's something we learn from.

We grow and we make all kinds of adjustments around

it. The second way that we fail is that we

shut down and we feel a ton of shame and

we place blame around it, so we feel shame around

the failure.

We feel embarrassed.

So like you failed at something your parents made you

feel bad and they said don't tell anyone and hopefully

you'll recover and maybe you're just not good at this

or they blame the teacher, they blame the coach or

they did something like that, but they made you feel

badly about it and, and almost instead of fixing it,

they just made you feel like it was bad.

And the last one is where they don't really want

to have failure at all.

You know, they're so afraid of failure that they don't

take any risk or push themselves to do it well,

okay, so that one we really struggle around also because

it's and then we don't, we don't even put ourselves

out there.

So when I meet adults, you know, I talked to

them about how they handle failure and many of us

vastly between these three things, but obviously we all want

to learn from it, but most adults learned how they

handle failure from how their parents taught them to handle

failure and so now if I meet someone, I say,

well what's the biggest failure you had in the last

5 to 10 years and they've got nothing to say,

then that means they haven't been pushing themselves out of

their comfort zone.

If they're ashamed to say what their their failure was,

then they're shutting down around it and they're hiding it

and burying it, but if they say, well, you know,

these are the things that happened that were not so

great, but I definitely learned from them and they were

painful, but I really try to learn as much as

I could and I hope I don't do it again.

Okay, so we really want to think about what we

learned about failure.

Okay, okay, so what we want to think about with

our storyline, we look back and reflect on our life

and we think about what we're telling ourselves, are you

the nice person, are you the positive person?

Are you the easy going person?

Are you the good guy?

Are you the bad guy?

Are you the logical person?

Are you the one everybody counts on?

Are are you the one who always has to, you

know, carry all the weight because otherwise no one takes

ownership or takes responsibility of things and so we want

to look at these storylines and we want to say,

okay, where did they come from?

Okay, what did we learn in those 1st 10 years

of our life and how we were described, how are

they formed during our teenage and adolescent years, what were

the major events that impacted us during that time and

and what are these storylines working for us now?

How have they helped us be successful right now?

And then we want to look at how have they

not helped us?

How are these storylines holding us back?

So what I see in coaching everyone, top agents, medium

agents, struggling agents, is that there's a storyline in there

that's holding them back, so we want to lean into

all the good things about our storyline, but we need

to let go of the parts of our storyline that

are no longer working for us and are no longer

relevant. Okay, so when you think about changing that storyline

here are three things you need to consider first, you

need to seek the truth in it, you need to

understand what is the truth.

If I'm always seeing as the positive person, what's the

truth in that?

Why do I feel like I always have to be

that person.

Okay then we have to start to evolve our thinking,

let's say I'm the person who is super competitive.

Okay, well sometimes it really works for me that I'm

competitive because I like to drive to be number one,

but at what point am I am I winning the

battle to lose the war?

So I need to evolve my thinking to recognize that

sometimes I don't need to be competitive in every single

place because it's not always working for me, okay, and

then the last thing is to have courage to change

because it's really hard to make change in life.

Sometimes it's scary and it's hard and sometimes we have

to look at things in our truth that are uncomfortable

and evolve that thinking and then have the courage to

step forward and actually do something about it.

Okay, so don't be afraid to change the storyline and

rewrite them because that could be the one thing that's

stopping you from rising to the next level.

Okay, next, I want to talk about feedback and when

I talk about feedback, okay, I'm not talking about the

feedback where your manager comes and sits you down and

says, hey, you know, so I'd like to tell you

how you can improve your business.

That feedback is really helpful too, but I'm talking about

the feedback that comes from me to you from all

over, it comes to you from clients, it's coming to

you from your spouse and your kids, it's coming from

your manager, it's coming from everywhere in your life and

I want you to learn how to listen to it

so well, okay that you can make adjustments as it's

happening. So here's how I see feedback come.

And I always say listen to it when it's time

for you to grow first.

The feedback comes as what I call whisper in your

ear. That's when it's just a slight tap, just slight

whisperer, sorry, in your ear where so much is like

saying you, hey, let's pretend it's a listening you have

and your clients saying, you know, I really don't feel

like we're doing enough on social media and you say,

oh no, no, it's fine.

You know, I do this all the time and it's

enough and you know, your stuff went out the other

day. So then let's say, you know, you get the

tap on the shoulder and that's when the client comes

back and says, you know what?

I know we talked about this before, but I'm just

not seeing it anywhere and I'm not seeing it on

social media.

I don't feel like you're boosting enough.

I don't feel like our advertising is good enough.

I just don't feel like I'm getting attraction and you

say, no, no, no, no, no.

And you kind of like make another excuse and tell

them what you're doing and now it comes as what

I call, slap on the back and a slap on

the back is where it really like, boom, This is

like, it really wakes you up to a slap on

the back where there's an awaking of like, wow, um

uh this is a wake up call because and they're

saying, listen, as I'm now, they're calling you and they're

angry, okay, They're really angry because you're not hearing them.

And um and again, you come back with your excuses,

You try one more time.

Premium Talk - Fall 2021

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