Hell in the Hallway - Poor Communication - Fix it!

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by Billie Gilliam7 views·Updated Jan 30, 2021
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This video is about understanding the nuances in communication and the struggles we have maintaining good communication.

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  1. Hey, guys, Thank you for returning for another episode of
  2. Helena Hallway with your host, Billy Gilliam.
  3. And again, I'm glad to see you guys checking in
  4. today. We got a different conversation today, and conference in
  5. our conversation today is really about communication.
  6. So please take time to get on YouTube like and
  7. subscribe therapy with Billy Jay, Helen the hallway.
  8. Hope to see you for more episodes.
  9. So one of the things that were communicating with individuals
  10. were struggling like I cannot believe she said that I
  11. cannot believe he said that I cannot believe they said
  12. that we have all these different attitude and conversations about
  13. what people say and how they say it right.
  14. But there are so many components that go in with
  15. that that we don't tend to pay attention to.
  16. Right. So one thing that we have toe learn is
  17. how do we navigate poor communication?
  18. And are we part of that process?
  19. Is some of this our fault?
  20. Right. Um And in doing that, we have to look
  21. at what is the content over the process.
  22. So what does that mean?
  23. And I always do that when I'm working with couples,
  24. I listen for content and I looked at him for
  25. process content are the words that you are actually saying
  26. right, and and whether or not the intensity of that
  27. word actually makes sense, it is in proportion to the
  28. to the conversation that you're having.
  29. Three other one is your process of communication.
  30. Do you guys look at each other when you're talking,
  31. or are you on your device or or do you
  32. interrupt one another, you know, Do you give eye contact?
  33. Are you busy doing other things?
  34. That's the process of communication.
  35. If you have poor process, you're most likely gonna have
  36. poor content.
  37. And you're not going to connect very well with your
  38. significant other or family member, right, because you could just
  39. be family members or friends.
  40. So consider the process of how you're doing it right.
  41. You shouldn't be on the phone talking to other people
  42. if you're in a serious communication issue with somebody else
  43. or texting somebody else.
  44. The other thing with content and processes, Are you having
  45. serious conversations via text message like, Is it effective?
  46. Is it working?
  47. Probably not.
  48. Ah, lot of times serious communications should not be via
  49. text message because there's so much that's lost.
  50. Guys, we lose all the nonverbals we lose our eyes
  51. we lose the inflection of voice and emojis on Lee
  52. do so much right?
  53. So we have to We have to pay attention to
  54. that also, Did you take time to clarify?
  55. Did you ask the person?
  56. So here's what clarification looks like.
  57. This is what you said.
  58. Here is how I heard it right?
  59. If we take time to do those things, we will
  60. at least be able to find out if what that
  61. other person said was really what they intended for us
  62. to hear and when and when we don't hear the
  63. right thing.
  64. Sometimes we could say Listen, I can recognize that was
  65. not my intent, but I reckon recognize that my impact
  66. with something else so we can have a good intent
  67. with a negative impact.
  68. Thea Other thing is what personal filter are you using?
  69. Are you tired?
  70. Are you hungry?
  71. Are you exhausted?
  72. Are you even tired of talking to Do you find
  73. it is not productive anymore?
  74. We have to be okay with saying, Hey, I am
  75. not in the best space to be talking about this
  76. right now.
  77. I'm sleeping.
  78. I'm tired.
  79. I had a bad day at work, so timing is
  80. really important.
  81. And if we don't pay attention to our own personal
  82. filter, what's happening with us in any given moment?
  83. That means I can deliver a message to you of
  84. this. Interested like Oh, God.
  85. Here you go again.
  86. Or rolling.
  87. My eyes are in our reality.
  88. I'm responding, not just to the conversation.
  89. I'm responding toe everything surrounding it.
  90. So, um, I hungry, Uh, did somebody get on my
  91. nerves that have a bad day out traffic?
  92. If we don't consider how we walked into the conversation,
  93. we have to consider how we're hearing the conversation at
  94. the same time.
  95. Yeah. Other thing I would say is important is find
  96. common ground.
  97. We are so busy looking for where we differ.
  98. I think differently.
  99. I don't think that's great.
  100. I don't agree with that, but we don't fight to
  101. find common ground.
  102. Here is where we agree.
  103. I agree that you agree with this.
  104. I agree.
  105. Here's where we have some common ground.
  106. So that actually starts the path for healthy relationships and
  107. we can find the common ground.
  108. Then we can say Here is where we differ.
  109. Here's where it's not the same.
  110. So it's OK not to be the same received things
  111. in exactly the same path, but it's so important to
  112. find some form of common ground.
  113. The other is this is a difficult concept.
  114. Thio describe sometimes, and I have a battery there for
  115. a reason.
  116. A car battery is positive and negative sentiments.
  117. If I walk into a conversation with someone and I
  118. already got a low opinion of them or already believe
  119. they're going to attack me in some way, or or
  120. I believe that anything they're saying to me is probably
  121. a lie, then it.
  122. Then I'm gonna walk into it in the deficit.
  123. I'm going to assume off, Rip.
  124. Everything that you're doing is bad.
  125. It's malicious, is coming with negative intent, right?
  126. So let's say, for example, um, let's save my daughter,
  127. right? Let's say my daughter is supposed thio.
  128. Go to the store and pick up something for me,
  129. right? And she forgets, Well, we have a great relationship,
  130. So if she forgets now, I would say, Wow, she
  131. must have been really busy.
  132. She forgot to go pick me up some orange juice
  133. from the store.
  134. But if and that's positive sentiment, right, positive sentiment override.
  135. If I have negative sentiment, overwrite what?
  136. Instead of going to say you know what?
  137. She is so selfish.
  138. She never want to do anything for anybody but herself.
  139. I mean, all she had to do was get some
  140. orange juice and she couldn't even do that.
  141. That's negative sentiment override because we already are in the
  142. belief that that person has a has a maliciousness about
  143. their actions and or words.
  144. And also, how about this?
  145. Can you be wrong?
  146. Maybe you're wrong.
  147. What a concept.
  148. And believe me, I freak out too, because sometimes I
  149. can't even believe I am possibly wrong.
  150. Is that a really thing?
  151. That I actually make a mist ake sometimes ideo and
  152. sometimes you do is well.
  153. And that's actually not the most important thing is, could
  154. you be wrong?
  155. Because many times will know that we're wrong, but we're
  156. not. We're not going to take the time to admit
  157. it. We do not want them to know that we
  158. know that they know that we know that we're wrong.
  159. Eat your ego.
  160. Suck that pride down a little bit and let people
  161. know I was wrong.
  162. I misinterpreted.
  163. I didn't see it that way.
  164. I didn't understand.
  165. When you said X y Z, whatever it happens to
  166. be, admit it.
  167. It doesn't make you less of a person and also
  168. what it does.
  169. It gives permission for the other person to do the
  170. same. And it also says that your relationship can grow
  171. and foster into more positive sentiment.
  172. Overwrites interactions because you're not always believe in the other
  173. person is going to judge you for making a mistake
  174. because you have to recognize whether you want the relationship
  175. over being right.
  176. There are times that I knew that I was right
  177. about something, at least my belief.
  178. But the relationship was more important all the time.
  179. I'm not gonna fight everything tooth and nail.
  180. It's not always worth and not everything.
  181. But the relationship is bigger than being right.
  182. Find those areas in those communications with your loved ones
  183. and where the relationship supersedes the need to be right,
  184. and I've known people who will go down to their
  185. grave trying to prove a point.
  186. I mean, the stuff that's stupid.
  187. It's not even necessary.
  188. But for me, the relationship is far more important.
  189. I want to make sure that we are still good.
  190. So sometimes I will supersede that.
  191. I'm like, uh it's not that serious for me to
  192. keep talking about.
  193. The relationship is superseding that they need to be right.
  194. We have to recognize that poor communication happens all the
  195. time. And it's up to us to make a decision
  196. to do something different.
  197. Guys, you know, I hope you enjoy these little few
  198. minutes we spent together talking about poor communication.
  199. Please don't forget like and subscribe on Ah, YouTube therapy
  200. with Billy J hell in the hallway.
  201. And I will see you next time.
  202. Enjoyed you.