How To Lead When You're Not The Boss (part II)

some other ways to earn credibility are through confrontation and conflict,

respect.

And by admitting mistakes,

uh confrontation and conflict are valuable because they are

direct attempts at a resolution as opposed to gossip.

Blindsiding or backstabbing which people

just do not have a ton of respect for

going directly

to someone um for criticism or influence or I'm sorry or input

um is a much more respected way to deal with conflict.

Um

respect.

So if you're treating everyone with respect regardless of their role,

it uh shows that you're a humble person,

you're exercising humility and that can earn

you respect and gain your credibility.

Um you are admitting mistakes, mistakes are human. We are human.

They are a huge part of our job.

There there is a lot of detail in what we do and

there there's a lot of room for mistakes to be made.

So um admitting mistakes as soon as you're aware of them

only adds to your credibility as someone who is accountable,

trustworthy and relatable.

And so the key there is when you are aware of them.

So I know it may not feel great to admit a mistake, but

if you're waiting to see if someone caught your mistake,

they may actually be waiting to see if you own up to it by yourself.

So be careful when waiting to see if someone catches your mistake,

it can lose your credibility

even if you plan on owning up to it later.

Uh huh.

So another building block of influence is comfort ability.

So you cannot continuously persuade people if

they don't feel comfortable around you.

And some ways to um prevent that

is to watch for inflammatory language specifically.

Um inflammatory language

could be you statements um

avoid using the word but so when you use but in a sentence you can kind of undermine the

first half of the sentence and people can kind

of focus on the negative half after the word.

But so just try to word things in a way that is positive and assertive. Um

try not to use can't

we talked about

providing solutions with problems.

So saying something like I can't get this um to you like an

email or something that says I can't get this um team or a chat

you know that leaves the other person wondering okay well when can

you get the email them to me so you can replace that with

not even saying that you can't get the oh I'm done

you know but you you're saying instead I can get this to you tomorrow morning.

So in one short statement they understand that

you're not getting it done you know today by

the deadline and they are satisfied with you

giving a reasonable alternative deadline of tomorrow morning so

it's just very positive and very fluid

to avoid using camps um always and never are exaggerations and generalizations.

So if you're using these people will get

distracted and thinking about all the times that

you contradicted yourself just now by saying always

and saying never if you say you know I

I never come in,

you know late um people are just going to start thinking about

all the times that you were a minute later or whatever,

so just kind of avoid

uh saying those things because they

are kind of dishonest in a in a way no one is always anything, no one's never anything.

People kind of

um make exceptions all the time

um and then avoid being

demanding and preaching, so that's sort of like

authoritative language.

Um you know, it can get the job done in the short term, you know, get me,

get me those copies, get me the coffee, whatever.

Um people would get you that stuff,

but in the long term it's going to create negativity and resentment um they are,

they're not going to be comfortable around you and

they're not gonna want to work with you.

Um so just be conscious and avoid some of this inflammatory language.

So to lead,

when you're not the boss we know you must be able to influence and we talked

about the different building blocks the different components

of influence that allow you to influence people.

Uh this next building block of influence is the

highest form of influence,

relationships are so key to influence.

So think of family, friends, loved ones, you would do anything for those people,

those are people you have strong relationships with.

Um so when people know they like you and they trust you,

they are willing to go the extra mile

and building relationships is building trust.

There is so much money and attention and uh work done in professional settings too.

Uh

build relationships linked in chamber of commerce meetings,

you know sales people are obsessed with building relationships,

account executives.

Um Building relationships is the key to influence. You will do

much more for someone on a deadline.

You know that you have a long relationship for

even when you have no time you're strung out,

you're ready to go home.

You will do something for a relationship that you

wouldn't do for someone that you just met.

So

if you are able to build relationships,

this can be the most imperative tool in your toolbox to be a leader.

Some relationship building strategies involve tackle nous respect,

understanding sharing and turning the other cheek.

Uh So tactful nous.

Um this is the ability to choose words carefully to be mindful of others feelings.

To utilize discretion and avoid shaming. So shame is a

distribution of negative energy and kind of detract from the common goal,

respect.

You give people the same respect I'd like to receive

and you exhibit the same respect for all perspectives and opinions

and you listen attentively for comprehension and

we've talked about respect for understanding,

you seek first to understand emotions behind the words or behavior.

Uh and then you can be understood.

We often think about our own feelings and not what others are thinking. So

you find common ground and you focus on things that you agree on.

Um so for example,

um if you're making assumptions about a co worker's dedication to the job

when they could have important personal matters to attend to at home,

like loss of family, loss of pets,

or maybe the addition of family or addition of pets, You know, you're not,

instead of being like this person's, um really not into this job question,

their dedication, they're always um you know,

leaving early or or making special exceptions on their hours.

You know, maybe

I just think, you know,

this person does good work and I trust

that there's probably something going on in their life

that is leading them to have to

make all these arrangements,

um

sharing. We said sharing,

sharing is

is

important because

you're celebrating successes,

You're sharing ideas in concerns and responsibilities

and you're getting to know people,

you know,

and you're you're brainstorming picking their brain and asking people what

they think that that empowers them and makes them feel appreciated.

And the last one here is turning the other cheek, um you know, it can be,

we talked a little bit about um passive aggression and how sometimes

it can deter from the common goal if you're focused on revenge.

Um it does nothing to achieve the common goal. So

turning the other cheek can be very hard to do,

but it is essential in moving forward in the professional setting,

you know,

sometimes it is just not worth it to put the energy into bringing someone

down to where you think they should be and if people see this,

they will respect that ability because it is a very

difficult ability and so um your credibility will grow and,

and you know, you might find that your relationship with that person

will strengthen.

All right. The next component of influence our favors and rewards

um, favors and rewards also tie into relationship building as well. Um

favors and rewards can be composed of a bottom line

carrying your coworker,

small tokens of appreciation and positive reinforcement.

So bottom line, um, this is when you're say pitching ideas,

um you're leading with the benefit.

Do you frame and sell your ideas? So you say, look, I I think we should have a

company christmas party,

this will

make people excited about company culture and get people bonded

through like a nice out of work social experience.

So you can kind of point to the positive when you pitch things.

Um and in this case I didn't really give like a dollar figure or anything like that,

but in other cases you will be pitching, you know,

hey,

boost in sales or a boost in productivity or results when you're pitching something

um carrying your co worker.

So you can pick up someone's workload when they're

busy or um have a vacation or family emergency.

You can back them up on an email or call or meeting and you can offer to give

them a ride and doing extra things to make sure they're taken care of in a bind.

And sometimes especially when you're doing this unprompted, this is a great way to

quickly establish trust and build relationships with someone.

Um For instance, you know,

I worked at a restaurant and I couldn't get people to cover my shifts.

Um and you know in theory I'm looking around,

this is not a problem for anyone else but me,

but I was the only one that was not covering shifts yet asking for shifts covered.

So I was not able to get my shifts covered until I was showing that I was able to cover.

She has for other people's first. So

consider that

uh small tokens of appreciation. So candy bars, soda lunch, coffee, a complement.

You know these things can curry favor from a coworker,

positive reinforcement.

So um you tell someone they did great in the

meeting and that they are good at their job.

You give someone a shout out on social media or in a meeting.

Uh you say things like you know you've got a

lot of experience or you're pretty good at this.

Can I use your help, You're very knowledgeable.

Um

Can I ask for advice.

Um So I actually started that with an architect

that works kind of slow and is very busy.

So she's been very responsive lately and it seems much more

vocal about projects and so I chose to do that.

So, um, you know, it can be not natural for you, but just try it.

You know, you might actually get some some results.

So influence versus authority.

So how to influence, say your boss, um, when approaching your boss,

you've got to lead up.

So we mentioned this in the previous slide,

but show the bottom line the actual benefit of your proposal.

You've got to speak to them as they are used to being

spoken to by other people in their network and other peers.

You show the company show how the company may

negatively be impacted by not accepting your proposal,

provide data to illustrate how the company could benefit.

So like historical example, spreadsheets, flow charts matrices be like, hey,

this didn't work last time.

Look, here's, here's how um, you can

help them do their job better.

If you can help them do their job better,

you will have their attention and they will appreciate you.

Um, they are very busy and they may not be sharing all of the things on your plate.

So that is important to consider when approaching them.

So, what to do, If you disagree with your boss, be sure to disagree diplomatically.

They may not be sharing all of the reasons for

their decision and you just got to accept it.

Um

be professional.

Let them make their case, do not interrupt, don't speak out or act impulsively.

Uh, and do not circle the wagon. Do not keep saying the same thing

and expecting a different result

um ask probing questions, not confrontational ones,

You state your case gets straight to the point.

Um They are direct and task oriented people

so they will appreciate the same approach.

Um

listen too carefully to objections,

so I support whatever decision is made to be

humble and courteous when pointing out their mistakes,

how to say no to your boss, This can be hard.

Um your position is always to support your your boss and make them look good,

so don't say no or what?

You can't do two things that we talked about uh in this slideshow,

but rather say I understand this, this um rather say I'm sorry,

I understand this is important to you.

Help me understand what the priorities are.

Yeah.

All right, great job, you made it to the end so now you can influence everyone.

Um So as you know, to get results without authority,

you must be able to influence people.

And one of my favorite shows right now is Survivor. So, if you have the time,

Be sure to watch Survivor, this is fall 2021, season 41

is Aaron,

go ahead and watch Survivor and try to see

all of these different components of influence in play.

They play a huge part um and you'll see a

lot of similarities in Survivor Mirroring the professional world.

Alright get to where

How To Lead When You're Not The Boss (part II)

Chapters

Audio TranscriptAuto-generated