Living with Anxiety

Hi I'm Michelle, I'm studying TPP.

I'm a full time author and artist, a wife, mother,

mother in law and a grandmother and I have anxiety.

One thing I'm not is a psychologist or a doctor.

So the following presentation is purely anecdotal and comes from

my own experience with managing my anxiety.

Before we start I'd like to acknowledge the traditional owners

of the land on which I live, work and study

and pay my respects to their elders past present and

emerging. I like to think of myself as a high

functioning anxiety but in my defense I've been dealing with

anxiety for as long as I can remember.

There have been times when it's more acute especially during

times of high stress.

But for me anxiety is like an annoying houseguest who

never knows when they've overstayed their welcome.

So what is anxiety?

Yeah I gradually admit that anxiety is not bad, anxiety

is a perfectly normal part of life.

The problem comes in when anxiety becomes disordered.

In its most basic form.

Anxieties like an early warning system and there are different

levels of anxiety kind of like a defcon scale defcon

stands for defense readiness condition and is used by the

U. S.

Military to determine the country's military alertness, Defcon five is

the baseline.

This is the normal peacetime readiness Defcon one is the

highest alert and pretty much means nuclear war is imminent.

For some perspective after the 9 11 attacks in 2000

and one the U.

S. Was at defcon three.

So anxiety is our minds defense readiness alert system and

in times past back in our caveman days that readiness

system allowed us to survive.

My psychologist explained my anxiety to be like a warrior

in my brain when things are normal def CON five,

the warrior has their head down and doesn't interfere with

my daily life, but if the worried if it detects

a perceived threat they stick their head up and start

to control parts of my brain to prepare to either

fight or flee.

The problem comes when the warrior insists that we're at

Defcon three all the time.

Always the warrior perceives a threat level to be a

two or even a one and they override the logic

part of my brain and my body responds accordingly once

the warrior is in control.

Talking them back down is almost impossible.

But there are things I can do trying to talk

the warrior down in the middle of a def con

one. Panic attack is a non starter, it won't work.

My brain is no longer dialed into the logical thinking

and reasoning.

The trick is intervening before I get to def con

one and to do that I need to get to

know my anxiety.

Yeah, anxiety can present in all shapes and sizes for

me it can be as mild as that vague feeling.

I've forgotten something.

Sometimes I feel like I can hear the theme from

jaws and I have an overwhelming sense of approaching doom.

Other times it's insomnia or pervasive sleepiness and still other

times I'm easily distracted and restless, I call this one

my square or brain, it can also present, present as

a lack of motivation or conversely hyperactivity.

Sometimes it masquerades as irritability or anger or it can

be a full blown panic attack that includes pounding heart,

body tremors, shortness of breath tears and a complete breakdown

of rational thought.

Anxiety is the master of disguise and can mimic other

body responses, which is why it's important for me to

know my anxiety, I need to be able to recognize

it no matter how it's disguised so I can intervene

before it gets out of hand knowing what triggers anxiety

can also help.

Sometimes the trigger is something completely random and un associated

and that's okay.

Other times there's a trigger that always without fail causes

my anxiety to spike, knowing the kinds of things that

will trigger an anxious response means I can put steps

in place to head off the trigger.

one of my triggers is being like, I hate to

be late to anything.

So I plan ahead, I have a schedule in my

head with what time I need to stop work so

I can get ready, I overestimate traveling time, so I

don't get caught in traffic.

It means I'm always early, but I would rather have

to sit in my car and wait than to be

late. Other times when the trigger can't be avoided.

Just knowing the why for an anxiety attack is enough.

If I can trace it back and go, oh, okay,

that's why I'm feeling that way.

It listens the anxiety.

It's like telling the worry in my head.

It's okay.

We know why this happened and the perceived threat wasn't

really a threat at all and the warrior is somewhat

placated and settles down.

Okay. Yeah, I've come to the conclusion that I always

have anxiety.

This is a chronic condition without a cure, but that

doesn't mean all is lost.

It just means learning how to manage it and having

strategies in place to minimize the damage anxiety can cause,

depending on how my anxiety presents, my response to it

will be different.

For example, if I'm feeling overstimulated, I'm not going to

listen to high intensity music or watch a thriller or

read a horror story, knowing my anxiety and recognizing the

different forms it takes, helps to identify the most effective

strategy for managing it.

Not all strategies will work in all situations, which is

why it's important to have a plan before anxiety hits

the very first step and the one I continually forget

to do is breathe, just breathe sounds try and annoying,

but there is truth in it.

When I feel anxious, my breathing changes, it gets faster

and shallower and I take in less oxygen, slowing down.

My breathing and concentrating on just breathing can sometimes head

off an escalation of my anxiety.

Another strategy I use is what I call my distract

and disrupt plan anxiety is filled by thoughts and if

I can derail those destructive thoughts, I can head off

my anxiety or at least minimize the effects.

What does this look like?

My initial go to when I'm feeling anxious is to

search the internet for a mean that describes how I

feel. It may seem a little silly, but if I

can find some humor in the situation, it does actually

help. Other times I might go for a walk or

read a book or watch television if I'm on a

deadline and can't afford to spend time away from my

work, I give myself incentives if I write X amount

of words, I can have a break or I use

the Pomodoro method which is a time management technique where

you alternate time Of intense focus with short breaks.

For example, I set a timer for 25 minutes, focus

on work until the time it goes off and then

I have a five minute break before doing another 25

minute session, setting short term goals like this helps disrupt

my anxious thoughts and helps refine my attention.

Sometimes anxiety is caused because there are a whole lot

of disconnected thoughts in my brain or I feel overwhelmed

by everything I need to do.

Managing this can be as simple as getting it all

out of my brain and on paper so I can

organize them into some sort of water Using your brain

dump is really good for this.

I used to think a brain dump and brainstorming with

the same thing, but they're not brainstorming is when you're

trying to solve a problem.

But a brain dump is exactly what it sounds like,

is simply taking every overwhelming thought in your brain and

writing it down without trying to solve any of it.

Okay, having a plan can help keep anxiety in check.

Having a sense of control over my life reduces the

feelings of helplessness that come with anxiety.

Having a routine is also important.

Part of my anxiety management plan.

I discovered bullet journaling a couple of years ago and

I find it really helps to keep my anxiety in

check. I use my bullet journal to track changes and

plan things and basically organized my life.

I found spending a few minutes every morning doing my

bullet journal can keep me on track for the day.

One of my triggers is a feeling of not having

achieved anything.

I don't love to do lists there sometimes, overwhelming.

So instead I track what I've already achieved.

I can look back on the day on the day

before and see that although it felt like I didn't

manage anything actually achieved a lot.

This one can be a little more controversial.

Having boundaries in my life has saved me from many

a panic attack, but if not used wisely, they can

actually be a hindrance.

Putting boundaries in place can protect yourself is a wise

tactic. But making those boundaries immovable is a mistake, boundaries

need to be fluid.

The rigidity of my boundaries need to be governed by

the current defcon level of my anxiety.

If I met defcon three, of course I'm going to

circle the wagons, I know that if my anxiety is

peaking then I can't add any more stress to my

life and I need to protect myself by keeping those

barriers up.

Even when the level of anxiety has gone down can

be detrimental, avoiding something because we were afraid only increases

the fear of that thing.

I have social anxiety and I'm an introvert.

I hate going to places where I don't know anybody

and I'm forced to be social walking into a room

with a bunch of people I don't know, it's a

trigger for me.

I know I'll have an anxiety response in the past.

I put a firm boundary in place that determined I

would never go to a party or a gathering if

I didn't know anyone, but that didn't help my social

anxiety. It only made it worse.

The more I avoided situations where I was in a

room with people, I didn't know, the more afraid I

was doing it.

It got to the point where even just the thought

of going to work function would send me into a

defcon three level panic attack.

I became a hermit and I was fine with that,

except that's not healthy.

So what is the solution boundaries or no boundaries?

I am pro boundaries, but again, they need to be

fluid. I'm already triggered and my anxiety levels are high.

Absolutely refused to put myself in a situation that will

only increase that anxiety, but if my anxiety levels are

low and going to work function will increase it a

little bit, but not to a detrimental level, then I'll

go if I kept my boundaries rigid and refused any

and all situations where I was in a room with

people I didn't know, then I wouldn't be able to

attend university.

Probably the most important management tactic there is, is to

be kind to myself, I need to forgive myself for

having ridiculous illogical responses to small things.

It is really easy to beat myself up when I

have an episode and that doesn't help.

I wouldn't treat a friend that way and uh I

wouldn't, I shouldn't treat myself that way.

If my friend was having a panic attack, I wouldn't

let them, I wouldn't tell them how stupid they are

being or just to stop and get over it.

I try and help them comfort them, be kind and

understanding to them.

I need to do the same thing for myself.

Sometimes panic attacks are unavoidable or I misread a trigger

or whatever panic attacks happen and beating myself up over

it won't less than the body response.

Sometimes I need to just roll myself up in a

blanket like a burrito and hide from the world and

that's okay.

Sometimes I need to binge watch k dramas all day

long and not do any work.

That's okay too.

The trick is knowing when it's time to rest, when

it's time to push through.

I don't always get it right but I'm learning and

when I fail, I need to reassure myself that it's

okay but I do get it right.

I need to reward myself.

I know one thing for sure, being at war with

myself does not help manage my anxiety.

Mhm. Mhm.

Uh huh.

I hope there's been somewhat helpful for you.

No, two people experience anxiety the same way where all

individuals and the way we react has too many variables

to give a definitive prescription.

But I believe seeing how someone else manages their anxiety

can help you manage yours.

The best way to deal with your own anxiety is

to get to know it and get to know what

works for you.

Maybe one of my coping strategies will work for you

or maybe you can modify one of my management tips

to suit your situation.

If nothing else.

I hope that seeing the way I manage my anxiety

gives you hope that you can manage yours too.

Thanks for listening.

Living with Anxiety

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