10 Steps to working with fathers beyond engagement

doing this is that do Rock Montebello Muhammad with another training.

Uh fatherhood engagement training. Uh this one is the 10 steps

to working with fathers beyond engagement

by yours, truly Abdul rachman and Ben Mohamed.

So

The 10 steps to working 1st, 1st, a little bit about me.

Um I'm the executive director of my

People clinical services here in Hartford Connecticut,

I'm the father of Amina Amira and Emir and I'm also the grandfather of Cairo.

I've been,

I wrote my graduate thesis on them uh

important to fatherhood involvement in children's lives.

I started my people clinical services in 2005.

I've had over 15 years as a trainer,

workshop presented and program developer specifically in the area of fatherhood.

Um I created

the father the father program and

developed father and ingredients services uh developed

mhm.

The fatherhood tools,

the manhood tree curriculum and other initiatives.

I'm also wanted to try chairs for the statewide felt.

Um I was a member of the breakthrough collaborative

series on fatherhood with the Harvard office of DCF.

Um I'm one of the organizers of the yearly Dad

Hero community field day and like I said before,

we created the mandatory check out our website,

the mandatory dot com for more manhood uh work

this out there that we are doing our group,

our fatherhood monologues,

um our men's health initiative etcetera.

So I'm here again with another training and

I'm just trying to keep the ball rolling with

good fatherhood work that we're trying to do.

So this 1, 10 steps to working with fathers beyond

fatherhood engagement. Um

Number one,

you know,

we want to engage and present the facts to fathers and I'll just

go over these real quick and then we'll go into more detail on

um

what we're talking about as it pertains to these 10 steps.

So number one engage an engagement and present presentation of the facts.

Number two, communication with father's number three assessment,

Number four,

determination of needs issues are behaviors that have to be addressed.

Number five explanation and clarification of needs,

issues and behaviors that have to be addressed.

Number six referrals to therapeutic,

non therapeutic and parental capacity building supports

Number seven. Follow up

and discussion of current standing and areas of needed improvement.

Number eight reassessment which is extremely important.

Number nine, determination of how the case will move forward,

concurrent plan and lastly number 10 communication of the facts and next steps.

So let's start off

with engagement.

All

you know, if a case involves a father that lives in a home,

he should be made aware of what you know that,

that there will be expectations for him as well as the mother in the case.

So we're engaging with the father right from the beginning.

Um even more importantly with our non custodial fathers,

we should be meeting them and reaching out to them.

Um as soon as possible.

I mean could you imagine that you have your child who is being taken away

from the mother or there's an issue with the mother and as the father,

you are last to know, you are last to find out.

And so you want to make sure that the fathers are,

are made aware of what's going on with their child as soon as possible,

as soon as possible

and and one of the things that we, we have to recognize that, you know,

every non custodial case is a little bit different.

You know, you have some non custodial fathers.

All they do is they send child support,

You have other non custodial fathers who are very involved

in their Children's like consistently involved in their Children.

Like they have them on the weekends, they have them throughout the week,

they pick them up from school and so when they are off from their routine where they go

pick up their kids and we look to pick up their kid and the kid's not there,

you know,

we haven't done a good job of engaging them because we need to make sure that we are

making uh making all the information that is aware to mom or where to dad as well.

We want to make sure that fathers are treated in in

such a way that that they feel like they are being um

Supported.

I think you should,

you should look at our other video where we

talk about the 21 levels of fatherhood engagement,

you know, one thing about engagement is that it could be, you know,

you could be very surfaced with engagement,

but we're we're really trying to do is get people who work

with fathers who work with men to go deeper in their engagement,

so that they're able to get greater results.

Because when a father trust you, you're gonna get greater results.

When a father can depend on you, you're gonna get greater results.

When a father knows that you are going to tell them the truth,

you're gonna get greater and greater results.

So,

this is all about engagement is an

engagement is really about developing a relationship.

So, when you think about your engagement with fathers, their engagement with men,

you need to ask yourself what type of relationship am I going to have with his father,

so that I'm able to best help

best served best supportive.

That's just something to think about.

All right, number two, uh, this is the second,

this is the second step to working with followers beyond engagement.

You have to communicate with fathers.

And so, you know, when we're talking about communication,

once again,

especially with non custodial fathers who were not involved with the

issue that brings DCF or any other system to the table,

it is important to approach fathers would care, right,

You don't want to go to this father

with a heavy hand when he didn't do anything wrong,

when so you're already trying to make a

referral for him to get services and supports,

and it's like he might have everything he needs and everything that the child needs.

And so it's very important

for, for uh, staff workers,

people who want to work with fathers

beyond engagement to recognize that fathers um,

that you have to communicate with them.

You have to treat them, you know, with respect.

You have to treat them with respect because

it's not one of those situations,

especially when they're not necessarily involved with

the initial incident that might occur,

let's say they were involved in the initial incident.

Maybe they are a father and a mother and they're in a couple together,

but you still need to make sure that the father is

getting the same amount of communication that the mother is getting.

You can't just go with your comfort level.

You can't just go with the most easy thing,

Even if you have to send a written documentation of what was was shared with mom,

you should be sharing with father is the exact same thing.

You know, we always talk about

how you got to meet fathers, meet clients where they are.

So you got to meet fathers where they are about communicating with them

and making sure that they are aware of everything that's going on.

Another thing that we need to make sure of is that, you know, no matter what

we are talking to fathers in a way that they understand.

So, so, so a lot of times, you know, these big organizations,

you have a certain way that you speak, you use abbreviations,

abbreviated terms and and a father may not say I don't know what that means.

I don't know I don't know what that means.

And so there you're talking and they're missing on something that they need to know.

So it's very important once again

to communicate.

Um in a way that is clear that is concise.

That allows for father's allows for men uh to be able to get the information

and make an appropriate decision on how they're going to be able to move forward.

Next up number three you got to start your assessment and

and and after meeting with the father of the child.

The following errors should be assessed to determine the appropriateness

of the father for the care of the child.

Some of the errors might have a higher level of

concern and others may require referral to services are additional support

through the assessment. It will help determine how the case will proceed.

So what is the relationship with the child before D. C. F.

Or any other other other system gets involved.

This is a very important thing to to know.

Like I said before you have a father who is meeting with the

child on a on a on a weekly basis that has certain days.

Set aside certain days that he's supposed to pick up

the child and then there's not information shared with him.

Well how how is it that that is going to be fair.

How are you gonna like,

like the the assessment part of the assessment is knowing

this information so that you can make the best decision

in the, in the, in the interest of the child.

Um Number two, you're going to assess his employment.

You want to assess his housing transportation, right?

You want to be able to say, okay, well, what are the parenting skills, you know?

Uh and and then this is aged appropriate parenting skills?

Because you know that the child may not be

a baby.

The child, maybe a teenager, there maybe, you know, there's different skills,

parenting skills that you need for different phases of development of a child.

Um

Are there other Children? This is part of the assessment.

Are there other Children that are not necessarily related

to this that are related to this child,

but not necessarily from the same mother?

Um what's the overall disposition of the father? You know? Um

relationship status. Is he in a relationship? Is he married? Is he divorced?

Is are there other people in his life that we need to do an assessment to of as well?

Is there a history of drug use? Is there a past history of any criminal history?

Is there a past history of incarceration?

Is there mental health, physical health issues, safety concerns.

Other potential family members? That now this is this is very important.

Other

potential paternal family members.

Who could be of assistance with this child

when you're doing your assessment.

Even though you may be focusing on mom, even though you may be focusing on that.

You want to be in a position where you are

able to start looking at those paternal family members because those

paternal family members may end up being the people who

are the best resources for the child in the future.

So you have to kind of check into those people as well.

Um

and then the last couple of the willingness to participate in services to cooperate

with services and then asked yourself the father is capable of caring for his child

unassisted.

So right now, if you're if you're trying to make a decision, can this father

take care of this child without any support from

DCF has this father been taking care of this child

without the support of any outside organization?

And why would we prevent him from doing that going forward?

So next up we look at the determination of the needs issues,

behaviors that have to be addressed.

The termination of needs issues. So this is based off the assessment. Right.

This is based off of of the engagement. This is based off the in communication.

Now we're saying

based off of these things,

these are the needs that we have,

these are the issues that are presented and these

are the behaviors that have to be addressed.

So let's look a little deeper into that.

So after initial contact and assessment, you got to determine,

you know based off this information, how are we going to proceed?

What are the areas of need the father presents with? Are there any areas of need?

Maybe there aren't any.

Are there issues that are presented through the assessment

that are concerned and can be the issue?

Can the issue be addressed with services? Can the issue be addressed with therapy?

Can address the issue be addressed with a conversation? You know?

Um Are there mental health issues?

Are behaviors that prevent father from being a serious candidate for custody?

What is the outcome that's being sought from services? So we don't want to refer

um fathers two service is just for the sake of for referring right.

We want to be able to make sure that we know a specific outcome that we're looking for.

So we're saying this is what's gonna be needed,

this is what's gonna be needed.

And now we have an expectation set based off of what we believe is going to be needed.

Step five. Now you go, so so you made your determination.

Now you have to go back to the father

back to the paternal family

and explain and clarify

the needs,

the issues

and behaviors that had to be addressed.

So

father needs to be made aware of

any meetings that are coming up.

Fathers need to be made aware of anything that you feel that he needs to do

right.

You need to be able to say, well, Mr johnson, you need to go do this because, you know,

through our assessment,

we feel like you could you could benefit from a parenting skills class.

We, you know, through our assessment,

we did a drug test and and and we see that you are, you know,

currently using fentaNYL are are marijuana on a daily basis.

And so we want to be able to address that,

go back to the father and clearly make sure he clearly understands

the point of view that DCF or whatever organization is coming from,

and the changes that need to be made in

the best interests of the child follows should be

allowed to ask questions and clarify what is expected

of them because ultimately they're going to be held accountable

to what they're being asked to do.

So, in addition to talking and uh, it's recommended all expectations.

And this is very important when you give somebody an expectation.

It is important that that expectation is documented, written and on paper,

so that their father is able to go back to it.

So,

so he could be able to say this is what I

was supposed to do and everybody's on the same page,

what's being done?

Yeah,

So step six referrals to therapeutic,

non therapeutic and parental capacity building supports.

So this is a very important step.

We want to be able to

not only support the father,

but we might also want to be able to support

the child in services and supports that they may need,

that are going to help them with a transition

from their mother's home to their father's home,

you know, so fathers may need

therapeutic support, the child may need

therapeutic support, the child may need an after school program,

the father may need a bed because he didn't have a bed for the child, you know,

and and so, you know,

it's like when you think about this from a non custodial father standpoint,

if you did not control your father

and you have a non custodial father

and he is not responsible for the child on a daily basis, maybe it's every weekend,

so on the weekends when the child comes over,

he's able to set up the couch or set up a little, you know,

sleeping bag or something like that.

And so it's like really very important to recognize that

if we're going from one placement from a mother to a father,

some of the things that are,

some of the things that they're gonna need,

they're gonna need support to be able to get those things, they're not just gonna,

maybe they don't financially have the money to go get a new bed to

be able to get more space to be able to get more food,

all of these things that they might be responsible for.

And so it's just very important that we wrap around the father is the needs

and supports that they may have because we're looking to do a change sometimes,

you know, so it's like if there's a change that we're going to ask for right,

we're going to say that the child, is it a better place with the father,

then we need to be able to provide them with the support

that they're gonna need in order to make that change become a reality.

All right, step seven follow up and discuss

follow up and discussion of current standing and areas of needed improvements.

So

once again, this is this is a very important one.

So now the case is moving along,

but

the father still wants to know like okay, am I moving on the right path

in order to be able to get my child and my moving doing the things that I need to do.

So this follow up is to be able to say,

okay, you're on the right path,

this is our plan, this is how we're going to get to where we're trying to get to. And

um fathers are able to be able to say

like I attended these meetings that were scheduled.

I did these classes that were asked,

I visited with my child.

Um, I have, I have all my needs meant to be able to care for the child.

And so this follow up is to be able to say this is where you are now

and and we are we feel comfortable with placing or this is where you are now.

You haven't done all the things we asked you to do

and therefore

we're not comfortable with moving forward. We have to go with a different plan.

So this follow up in discussion is very important because it's

like a constant conversation with the father to let him know

where where does he stand in this situation where what kind

of progress is he making or not making for that matter?

That will allow for him to be in his child's life? In this child's life.

Okay, this one is so important.

So you've been working with the case for three months, six months

and

things have changed

and if things have changed,

you should be doing a reassessment.

You should be saying, wait, let me look at this case again

with a new set of eyes.

Let me look at this case again from where we are today.

And let's go back and say like, like how,

how much progress has been made over this amount of time, over a month,

over three months, over six months.

When when you have that much time.

So you say this is where we started and this is where we are now, we're moving along.

So you don't want to hold people to the standard

when they first started the case six months ago,

you haven't changed your way of thinking about the father

in six months when they've made their going to classes,

they going to rehab, They've been consistent with their visits.

They, you know, they made room in their house. They got support.

That's different from six months ago.

So you have to do a reassessment based on the new information that you have.

And once again

now with your reassessment, you make a determination on how the case moves forward.

So

you have to be able to say

based on this new information.

I have a new way that I think this case is gonna move forward.

We thought we were going this direction.

Now we're going in this direction based on the new information that I got through.

My reassessment

based on the information I got from the

other providers that are involved in the case based

on the information I got from the child based

on the information I got from the father.

I have to make a determination how I'm going to move forward in this case.

What other supports that I'm going to add into

the case all the same things like this before.

But it's like being able to say, you know, we see a change.

So therefore we're going to move forward. Now. This is the thing,

there is a chance

where

there hasn't been progress

and

you have to make a determination what is in the best interests of the child,

what can we do And it may not be with father.

It may not be with paternal family based on the actions that they have had

based on what they've shown you over three months over six months over a year.

That can help you with determination of what and how you're going to move forward.

And the last step is communication of facts. So

if no matter what,

you have to go back

to the table,

back to the father, back to the paternal family member and communicate once again,

what is the plan?

What are you gonna do?

How are you going to deal with this situation?

You gotta communicate where there were pitfalls, where there were mistakes,

where there was a miscommunication where there was

people didn't do what they were supposed to do.

So that's why we're in this position right now.

You know, if the father doesn't do what he's supposed to do, we can't, we can't,

we can't want it more than the father.

And so if that's the case, we move on,

we move forward. We we we we come up with a new plan.

We know that there's a concurrent plan. As a matter of fact,

we're looking at father, we're looking at paternal family members.

Mom is still on the table. We may have to look at foster care,

all of these things on the table because because people weren't doing

what they're supposed to do and so we need to clearly communicate

to the fathers that the reason why we have to move in this

direction away from you is because you didn't do what you're supposed to do

or reason communicate with fathers that you've done what we've

been asking and we're moving in direction to you.

Are you ready to take on this child full time?

We need to put that out there to them too. That's a lot more work.

And so when we think about the future with fathers, our future contact,

these contacts should be task oriented.

Um

This is the what you need to do between now and the next meeting.

So it's like every time you're meeting,

when it was like between now and my next meeting with you,

this is what I'm looking for from you.

You need to have clear expectations for fathers.

Not not nothing should be foggy. You're going to have visits every week.

You're expected to attend a visit.

You need to come to the visit prepared when you don't come to the visit.

This is how it impacts your child and this is how it impacts the case overall clear.

Don't assume they know.

So you want to make sure you are clear what their fathers,

you give them all of the information about whatever the protocols are,

whatever the language is, whatever it is about.

If they're not doing what they're supposed to do,

you want to make sure that they are clear and understand that

that that that they they know because you told

not because they figured it out on their own.

So you need to make sure that they know because you told,

you know, and we want to hold fathers accountable,

we want to be able to say that, hey, Mr johnson,

I I provided you with all the things that you needed to be successful.

And you you didn't you didn't do it,

you failed.

You didn't do what you're supposed to do.

And you said, Mr johnson, you gave me your word,

you told me you were gonna be at this place,

you told me you're gonna be at this location,

you told me you were gonna go to treatment,

you told me you're going to do whatever you said,

we're gonna hold them accountable to their words,

we're going to hold them accountable to what they say.

And that's very important.

We're gonna we're gonna we're gonna make referrals to services that are

um that that enjoy working with fathers, That advocate for working with fathers,

that their work is,

is focused on working with men and fathers because we want those men and

fathers to be able to get the best outcomes they could possibly have.

And then the last thing is in the future context,

you always want to leave your contact information

no matter what, if they said they put it on their phone, you want to give them a car,

You want to leave them with something a way to

get in contact with you so that you're able to

always be able to say that that they have, they have access to you

and and it's not taking away access.

So I want to I want to go back and review

the 10 steps.

You got to engage with fathers and present the facts.

You have to number two communicate with father's.

Number three, you make an assessment.

Number four,

you determine the needs issues and behaviors that have to be addressed.

Number five.

This is going back to the father, You explain and clarify the needs,

issues and behavior that have to be addressed.

Number six, you make referrals to therapeutic, non therapeutic

Parental capacity building supports # seven you follow up again,

this is another communication.

Follow up and discuss the current standing,

this is where you are and areas of need an improvement.

This is where you need to improve.

Number eight, you make a reassessment, You look at the case again with new eyes.

Number nine, you determine how the case is going to move forward.

So some some time is going by and this is how we're gonna move forward with the case.

And lastly number 10 we communicate the facts and the next steps to fathers.

Ah

so

this is another one of my uh trainings workshops

of course.

If we would have done this training with a group of people,

we would have had more conversation,

but I wanted to put this information out

on the internet because maybe somebody is looking

for some quick quick video to show their

staff about what do you do beyond engagement,

because people get so caught up on the word engagement

and they don't get caught up on, how do we move the case forward?

And so what we're all about is moving the case forward and

being clear with these steps on how you move it forward.

So if there's any questions or comments, you want to contact me, you can go to my,

you can email me, you go to my website, you go to my uh

my my press kit or you go to the mandatory page.

But all of those ways you can get in contact with me and um I would love to hear from you.

Uh this is Abdul rahman ibn Mohammed

and I'm going to be out.

Thank you.

Thank you for watching.

Make sure you

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And to you,

I say peace.

10 Steps to working with fathers beyond engagement

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